That was just cold hearted no matter how you look at it, im so sorry.

Hugssss

I'm sorry dr! I don't see my kids at all anymore. A real bitch of a mom that has absolutely brainwashed my kids!! And I dint even have a girl friend. I guess if you have kids and an ex, this is the bs you go thru. Happy birthday. Sounds like your kids do love you. Mine won't even answer my txts.
Caa

I didn't hear from my daughters yesterday. That's okay. I saw the youngest on Thursday and the other is too far away. If I hear from her I know there is a problem and she wants help I can't and won't give.They both have busy lives and so do I. I'm so glad you had that time with your inlaws and your sons. Yes, the ex did that out of spite or he just didn't think.

I think maybe the youngest has seen thru her father and is now back in my life. At least until the next time he needs her for something involving me.

@caacuff: Keep texting. Better yet leave voice mails. Texting is not as personal as voice mail and they need to hear your voice. I only saw my youngest once a year and she never answered my calls. But I would call every couple of months just to say Hi, I love you. Finally for whatever reason, for now she is back in my life. She cut off contact when the divorce was final. That was over three years ago. Don't call all the kids on the same night. They will compare messages and think they are duty calls.

drtexdi:
Let me ask you this....You wrote: "I just thought MIL and BIL didn't tell ex. No, they invited him and so he knew he was inviting our sons during my birthday celebration."

HOW would you have reacted if the X had shown up at this celebration? And how do you feel about MIL and BIL inviting him, knowing his presence would have no doubt made you uncomfortable? I don't know which would have been worse had I been in your shoes, but I'm glad your sons stood their ground.

You also wrote: "I still had a hard time believing that he cares so little about my feelings. I know I shouldn't be surprised!"

When you think about it, he really DOES care about your feelings -- he WANTS TO UPSET YOU -- and that's why he tried to pull this ugly little trick on you. I have learned to EXPECT inexcusable behavior when it comes to the X, then when it happens, it doesn't come as such a shock.

And a Belated Happy Birthday, my friend.

Here is hoping that this week after you Birthday is a good one. HAPPY (late) BIRTHDAY!!

Hopefully I have sat at home and cried through my last holiday. We were a close-knit family, and for 29 years my holidays consisted of my kids and grands at my home doing holiday things together. Since our family fell apart, I am not allowed to see my grandchildren and the two oldest of my three children don't want me in their lives. So I am having a difficult time adjusting. I have been mostly in bed grieving for two years, but I am now ready to move on as best I can.

For the last 9 months' holdays I have done nothing except miss my family and ruminate over the loss of my job, volunteer work, and close friends I had to move far away from. How many times will my heart keep breaking over the SAME THING? I either slept all day or sat at home with no vehicle.

None of my kids contacted me last year on Mother's Day, but through the course of the year my 28 year-old son has drawn close to me and will most likely drop over to wish me a Happy Day.

I will be ready for Mother's Day this time! I plan to get together with my sister and come up with something special for her and me, our mom, and our two sons. Even if it's only a meal together, a special event in the works (having something to do that day besides cry) makes me feel better already. :)

Things that are helping me are:
Thoroughly enjoying the contact with the son that I DO receive love and best wishes from. I try to focus on him rather than on all who have shunned me.
Going through photo albums, handmade cards, and family memorabilia. They remind me of wonderful memories I have of the great things we did during the years I WAS allowed to be close to the grandchildren. This comforts me and helps me shift my focus to positive, joyful thoughts concerning them rather than the emptiness and heartache.
Starting "Grandma's Memories" albums for each of them.
tarting to set aside simple keepsakes - particular things they loved as mementos of their time with me and days they spent in my home. They will receive them later in life in hopes they may briefly re-experience the feelings of joy, love, and security we had when we were together.
I tell myself, "Pre-divorce WAS my life story and I am proud and happy to have had that life." (My life could have ended there and I would have felt fulfilled.) "The book has been closed on that life. My life post-divorce is a new and different life story waiting to be written. I can have a whole other full life!"

I had given up on life, but am starting to live life again. I am learning savor every small sensation, thought, and pleasure I experience (mindfulness). I somehow believe it may be possibile for me to find new direction, make use of different skills, embrace new people and build close relationships, and live a meaningful life. Even though I am 50.

Hopefully I have sat at home and cried through my last holiday. We were a close-knit family, and for 29 years my holidays consisted of my kids and grands at my home doing holiday things together. Since our family fell apart, I am not allowed to see my grandchildren and the two oldest of my three children don't want me in their lives. So I am having a difficult time adjusting. I have been mostly in bed grieving for two years, but I am now ready to move on as best I can.

For the last 9 months' holdays I have done nothing except miss my family and ruminate over the loss of my job, volunteer work, and close friends I had to move far away from. How many times will my heart keep breaking over the SAME THING? I either slept all day or sat at home with no vehicle.

None of my kids contacted me last year on Mother's Day, but through the course of the year my 28 year-old son has drawn close to me and will most likely drop over to wish me a Happy Day.

I will be ready for Mother's Day this time! I plan to get together with my sister and come up with something special for her and me, our mom, and our two sons. Even if it's only a meal together, a special event in the works (having something to do that day besides cry) makes me feel better already. :)

Things that are helping me are:
Thoroughly enjoying the contact with the son that I DO receive love and best wishes from. I try to focus on him rather than on all who have shunned me.
Going through photo albums, handmade cards, and family memorabilia. They remind me of wonderful memories I have of the great things we did during the years I WAS allowed to be close to the grandchildren. This comforts me and helps me shift my focus to positive, joyful thoughts concerning them rather than the emptiness and heartache.
Starting "Grandma's Memories" albums for each of them.
tarting to set aside simple keepsakes - particular things they loved as mementos of their time with me and days they spent in my home. They will receive them later in life in hopes they may briefly re-experience the feelings of joy, love, and security we had when we were together.
I tell myself, "Pre-divorce WAS my life story and I am proud and happy to have had that life." (My life could have ended there and I would have felt fulfilled.) "The book has been closed on that life. My life post-divorce is a new and different life story waiting to be written. I can have a whole other full life!"

I had given up on life, but am starting to live life again. I am learning savor every small sensation, thought, and pleasure I experience (mindfulness). I somehow believe it may be possibile for me to find new direction, make use of different skills, embrace new people and build close relationships, and live a meaningful life. Even though I am 50.

Ooops. Sorry. {My 1st time to post).

Dear Rebecca, I am glad that you posted, and that you are ready to go on and live life! I think for so many your whole life was your family, and now it has changed, but believe many of us, there is life after divorce, different and even better. Just remember, many people are estranged from family, divorce or not. The important thing is to figure out who you are and what you need to do the rest of you life. You owe that to you! My ex was not who defined me, the marriage and he were part of life, not my whole life.

I have one suggestion, although great to build photo or memory books, sometimes that is a good acitivity to put on hold, until you move on and are not dwelling on the past so much, but work on your future first. It can hinder progress, as you tend to be sentimental and dwell on a place that you have to put aside for a time.Make it about you for once.

AND as to being 50, most of us baby boomers are living better and longer than the generation before us. One of the reasons I got divorced is that I finally saw that I was not going to live under the his threats of divorce when ever he thought his life was not the way he wanted or was unhappy. I told him ( ex)" I do love you, but I am not going to keep doing this, over and over and over. Most women in my family live well into their 90's, and I am too young, too much fun and alone or with someone else, I am not going to wake up one day and be 60 and have you again move out and threaten divorce" I meant it.... and although I didn't think so at the time, probably the best thing I did for myself.. I was 53! We each do this in our own time.. and as my profile on here says.. Happiness is the Result of Personal Effort. I still believe that and I want to wish you the best in working on that. Because, to quote and old adage.. Living well is truly the best revenge! Live well! AND A BIG HUG To you for posting. Welcome!

drtexdi

Good Grief....there are no limits are there!??? Good for your boys....happy belated birthday girl!!

I'm glad you got to spend time with them, and happy belated birthday! The.. ex definitely knew what he was doing. He wanted it to be about him. After all, Easter is every year and he had 364 other optional days to call and make an arrangement to see them, right?
My ex called my boys as I was driving to go pick them up for lunch. Both said they wanted to keep the call short, lol. He didn't offer to get together with them. Shame on him. His loss. And their gain because they feel that being around dad is a giant drag.

A happy belated birthday wish from me too. Kathi nailed it once more, your ex knew what he was doing when he invited the boys. It says a lot about you that they preferred to stay with you.

Lynne

Ms Terey;
TY for the insightful and encouragung reply!

First, thank you all for the birthday greetings. Trisha, I believe you are right about caacuff. He should stay in touch and voicemails and e-mails would be good. Kathi, you are right, it was much more pleasant without him there. Rebecca, I believe Ms. Terey was right in saying move on. Leave the door open for the kids and grandkids but start living. 50 is not old at all.

Finally I want to add the next thing the ex did. The boys came home saying that we could take Dad's rental house on a month to month basis since he is moving in with the new gf. Seriously, I couldn't help but laugh. This is the 3rd gf in a year and I don't want to move in to his house. Oh well, at least I got my laugh for the day.

drtexdi -- I about fell off my chair laughing when I read your latest response! God only knows what kind of "cooties" are infesting your X's rental house. Sounds like he is a serial idiot, to boot!