Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
Not too long ago I was in a hardware store looking for something to fix a leaking sink. I guess I never really paid too much attention when I went to these stores with by stbx but since I was doing the fixing, I took a nice, long and hard look at all the tools and nifty devices they had at this store. I was amazed! I may sound naive, but there were some really neat stuff there! Anyway, as I was looking around I came upon the tape section. There was all kinds of tape, tapes I never knew existed. Then I came upon the duct tape. I do know what duct tape is. It fixes everything, right? Well, what caught my eye was that this duct tape was RED!! My favorite color! I bought a roll, of course. What could be more empowering to a divorcing woman with low self esteem, feelings of powerlessness and uselessness?
The first time I walked into that store after my husband left, I had a panic attack looking at all the things I was so unfamiliar with. I was totally overwhelmed and filled with "what if's"... what if something breaks in the house and needs repair?, what if the plumbing needs repair?, what if a door jambs?, what if the sink leaks?.... I ended up to leave the store in tears! Since then I've fixed a broken toilet, fixed a leaking sink, bought and used a chain saw to saw down a whole tree, repaired problems with the swimming pool, repaired fencing and been up in the attic rewiring stuff!! All by myself!
I keep my red duct tape where I can see it and whenever I feel like I can't do something, I look at that tape and it reminds me that I've come a long way and with red duct tape, I can handle a lot more than I think I can. It's the tape that can fix anything and in my color! Since then I've seen it in hot pink too!
I recommend all you ladies go out and purchase a roll of duct tape in YOUR color and keep it where you can see it every day. When you come across something you don't think you can fix.... duct tape it! You can psychologically duct tape almost anything. It even helps a little with a broken heart.
The first time I walked into that store after my husband left, I had a panic attack looking at all the things I was so unfamiliar with. I was totally overwhelmed and filled with "what if's"... what if something breaks in the house and needs repair?, what if the plumbing needs repair?, what if a door jambs?, what if the sink leaks?.... I ended up to leave the store in tears! Since then I've fixed a broken toilet, fixed a leaking sink, bought and used a chain saw to saw down a whole tree, repaired problems with the swimming pool, repaired fencing and been up in the attic rewiring stuff!! All by myself!
I keep my red duct tape where I can see it and whenever I feel like I can't do something, I look at that tape and it reminds me that I've come a long way and with red duct tape, I can handle a lot more than I think I can. It's the tape that can fix anything and in my color! Since then I've seen it in hot pink too!
I recommend all you ladies go out and purchase a roll of duct tape in YOUR color and keep it where you can see it every day. When you come across something you don't think you can fix.... duct tape it! You can psychologically duct tape almost anything. It even helps a little with a broken heart.
Thanks for the tip fatalove and see how powerful you are getting.Proud of you girl. By the way put on the lipstick as I have read it is a great place to meet men!!!
I for one have always had my own tools. For Christmas one year I got a complete drills set, bits, tool box with all the goodies, from my stbx and I was thrilled. We have Home Depot here and it is by far my favorite store. I've always been the fixer-upper in my relationship and the painter and the shopper and the whatever so my tool box is my friend. Right now I have a beautiful red leather basket that I use for my tools.....it's a woman thing. It's pretty and feminine. You don't have to be rough and tough to fix a leaky pipe you just have to have determination and guts.
You've got both determination and guts with a little gumption thrown in for good measure. Keep up the good work .... awesome post.
When I moved in to my new house, one of my first purchases was duct tape. For Christmas, one of my foster daughters. who now works on a tanker, bought me a complete set of Craftsman tools.
Who needs my husband? He could do anything around the house bur seldom did anything even though he wasn't working.
Lynne
So as a result - I know I can handle almost anything and have - plumbing, wiring, fuses, ceiling tiles - coz I can!
I, too, have duct tape and use it!
We had a thread a while going of a "you can do it" a while back. I try not to ask for help with things unless I really need it, I save it for the "big things". I have had things too numerous to list go wrong here, from fixing the toliet to a dead trees falling down, 2 in the driveway! Money would solve a lot of it, but not always, it is hard to find a good person to fix it, and as a contractor daughter, the motto was always you can do the best job yourself! AND I have no extra money for anything, and if I did that is when I needed 700 for a new water heater! This is somewhat true for a lot things! I have learned to change the oil and weatherize the lawnmowers, and snowblower, charge the battery in them, not to mention cutting the grass which takes hours.. which he did. I have had wonderful neighbors who did come and cut the tree so I could at least get out of the garage. I have had a few Scarlett moments where I swear and shake my fist as handy as he was, he was angry at me a lot and did not do all the things we had stuff for. I swear I have a half a house parts to remodel with in the garage and my basement.
When I was getting divorced, I waivered for a moment and thought why would I want this house with all the work etc.. my best friend and my lawyer talked me down quickly..one weekend day when my lawyer called me and said what are ya doing and I said I am cleaning out the gutters.. and he said at least we each have gutters to clean baby.. ( he got his house in a divorce and is as Pollyanna as me, I luv him) and I said you are right., and I learned a thing cleaning them out.. !. Do not wear a white shirt! and 2. Wear a hat! Not to mention I had a great view from up there! Both the lawyer and my friend told me all that stuff is worth a lot, all the tools, the snowblower everything, my ex took very little and left it all here.. I am grateful I have almost everything I need.. like when the lawnmower did not start, I thought it over and thought I have a electric battery charger.. how does that thing work?
We all become a bit co-dependant in a marriage, it is really inter- dependant. I promise all of you that are on this journey you are cabable of a lot more than you ever thought you were, life wise and fix it wise. For me I realized at one point I did all the housebuying, insurance dealing, car bargaining and repairs, and guess what? Not havig to justify or explain it him makes it a lot easier to make decisions.. not to mention nothing like that sense of I did when you do something well, alone..
By the by, the green duct tape matches the John Deere Lawnmower perfectly, just in case you need to tape together the cheap plastic engine cover on a really expensive lawnmower.. and most of the people at your local hardware store or Home Depot will help you.and I love the home fix it shows on the radio.. been listening to those long before he left..
There's nothing sexier to a man than a chick who owns duct tape and has the knowledge to fix stuff! Good for you, gals!
On what isle can I find it?
This is such a neat, uplifting discussion - thank you fatallove!
All I can think of doing with colored duct tape right now is taping him up - in many rolls of it, wrapping it all around him over and over. Somehow it would be so satisfying.......
Im gonna get me some duct tape :) Hot pink sounds fun :)