The father of my children remarried last year also and it didn't even give me pause. I knew then that I was over him.

However just recently I saw a wedding picture of the two of them, I felt like I had been punched in the gut. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think. A sense of profound sadness came over me. The feeling didn't last very long

But it has brought back to the surface the feeling of failure. I am not married, I am not living the life I want.

But I also fear that I've been alone so long now that I won't be able to allow someone else into my life.

Once you've been single for 5 or 10 years can you really let someone into your house, your home, your schedule. I do everything in my way on my time. I fever I will not be able to change.

Momto - I think the same thing now! I've lived alone for 3.5 years. I can't believe it's been that long since he moved out. Wow! And those "punch to the gut" shocks hit me too sometimes when I'm not expecting them. But I think the fact that they don't last as long as before is a good sign for both of us.
We need to remind ourselves that not being married is not "failure" even though sometimes I'm furious that my ex is happy and living with someone long before me. It's not a race, right? Just doesn't feel fair!!!

Glad the re-wedding didn't throw you into a tailspin. You've come a long way, and gotten stronger every day! Well done.

I'm coming up to my wedding anniversary next week, it's been almost three years since my ex left so it's going to be just another day for me (I hope) I have mostly good days now, BUT I still feel a loss and an uneasiness and my ex is always close in thoughts. I went NC back in Jan. It's gone surprisingly fast and I have been tempted to contact him but I haven't. He used to always say he'd call me but that I always beat him to it....ummmph, guess that was a lie too since he's had plenty of time to contact me. It has taken me a long time to move forward. Going NC has been the key, at least in my situation.
Always little triggers but they are not devastating like in the early stages and I still have a good cry from time to time, all part of the journey. Still have dreams about him on occasion, some I can handle, others cause me great pain and sadness.
I do get lonely from time to time, especially the weekends but I'm staying busy and spending more quality time with my kids and granddaughters. I've thought about dating, even signed up on a couple of online sites but haven't officially joined.................its scary out there, right?
I am most thankful that I'm able to get back onto DS, I've missed everyone here. So, to everyone else I appear to be mending, happy and content.....but on the inside, still a huge hole in my heart and soul and I wonder if it will ever be OK.
Hugs everyone~~~~

Moscato, I think too, that we must remember where we are in our lives visa vie our ages. We're going through mid-life, most of us on this site. Our hormones are changing, our bodies are changing, our energy level.....some of us have job insecurity and financial worries. check check check for most ..no ALL of those at some point in the mast five years!

My kids were leaving home the same time my marriage ended. I used to be on this site and say to members who would complain about having to share kids, or him being an absentee or deadbead dad, omg, at least I don't have THAT to worry about. Yet......I wish I had my kids home with me while I was going through the worst of it. They were in College or working jobs or getting their first girlfriends and apartments and I was ......I didn't know WHAT or WHO I was!

THat transition takes time. But once we're through, we've done the tough legs of the journey......we get some perspective don't ya think? I have. I finally feel....happy. It's a different happy. It's not the happy I THOUGHT I'd be at this age. I'm home alone right now but...it's peaceful! Nobody wants something from me. I don't have to cater to anybody's needs. Yes, it's nice being cosy and home with a loved one but.....my ex was usually half in the bag each night and all we did was sit and watch tv.....ick. I almost never watch tv anymore. I read...I putter. I go to yoga class, talk to friends. I don't even know where the time goes.

Point is.. .our lives are our own now. We just don't know what to make of it is all! THAT is a big part of the process, the post divorce process I mean, one I'm just now figuring out. I thought that what I was esperiencing was loneliness. Despair even. But it isn't. Maybe it was but....it changes. It has for me anyway. The years tick by...and things shift. It's a new kind of solitude in which we are learning to be our own authentic selves in a way.

Does that make sense? I'm just writing and typing at the same time lol