Falling in love is absolutely in my choice for the future. I have not been jaded by the choices my X made. I have grown and have learned so much towards a future relationship. I am a trusting person but I will be cautious and not jump into anything. But loving someone is about the most wonderful thing in the world. So, for me, yes. I hope to have the opportunity again.

But, I do believe that it will be with a strong conviction of doing my best to get the best. While being attracted to someone is important, I believe that at this age that has a different connotation for me. If someone is kind, and honest, and loyal, has a great sense of humor, great communicator, and interesting to talk to, then falling in love will be based on those things. I read something in a book called "Date or Soulmate" by the guy who started eharmony, and he says that looks fade and change within 5 years but the heart and soul of someone does not. THAT is what I am looking for and won't settle for less. And if I don't find that, I am completely happy with me and my life.

Big hugs to all of us as we keep moving foward.

I must say, I am a true romantic at heart! I do believe in true love, but I don't know when I will be ready for it! I agree that I won't allow him to ruin me forever, but he has done a good job on me! I need to heal my issues because I honestly thought that I was married to my soulmate! I am over him, but I am not over the divorce! I need the divorce to be over and then, hopefully I will be able to move forward from there!

My hope is that we all find happiness and true love!
Hugs and love to you all!

I'm finding it hard to reply to this. How do you perceive what true love is? I believe strongly in "love". Being able to give love and receive love, but I don't believe in "unconditional love'. Does that mean that I don't believe in true love? I don't know how to answer this honestly.

I can say, at age 40, I believe that if my marriage ended, I would have more then likely wanted someone in my life. A committed relationship. Right now, that's changed - we change. I am one with trust issues for sure, but I really find comfort in being alone now. Again, maybe 10-15 years ago I would have felt differently, in fact, I'm sure I would have. I just don't feel the want or need. I don't say that I wouldn't enjoy the company of a man ever - just not in the way of a committed relationship. A "Will & Grace" relationship would be ideal! Or, a friend with benefits, too! (chuckle) I think we all have to shoot for whatever we desire and each in our own way.

I am hopeful that there is someone out there that I can spend time with that will love me for me, and make me laugh, and think of me first sometimes, send me flowers for no reason, be kind to me and travel with me. I did not really love my ex like most of you talk about loving your ex. I have always worked, been somewhat independent, and have been really on my own for most of my married life. Ex was not home a lot and when he was he was abusive and I was insigificant.
I want romance and knock your socks off great sex before I die!! So I am hopeful that there is love out there for me! I doubt I would ever get married again...But who knows???...I am as young as I feel and I want to have fun.....

Nan, I can relate to what you are saying about the age thing.

I believe if my marriage had ended when I was in my 30s or 40s, I'd be out there looking for my next husband. But, now, I just don't care about dating or marriage.

I'm not sure why that is. But, I do know that I think it isn't a bad thing.

I think I don't need the drama of dating and a relationship. At this age, I've got my hands full taking care of myself. LOL Seriously though, my life is pretty full. I really don't have time to nurture a relationship. Since my marriage ended, I've managed to flesh out my life nicely, and I can't imagine giving up anything in order to have time to be in a relationship.

At the same time, I miss having that connection. (Not that I had it in my marriage...LOL...I didn't...but I thought I did...)

I guess if love walked up to me and smacked me in the face, I'd pay some attention, but at this point in my life, I'm not looking for it.
And, honestly, I don't like the whole singles scene thing...I do not like going to the church groups and the dances and the Meet Ups and everything that everyone else seems to be doing. I feel very uncomfortable at those things and I'd rather be happily engaged in one of my favorite activities than sitting around at a bar or coffee shop making small talk with other singles. In fact, I kind of resent the whole singles group movement. Why is a class for married folks who are struggling called Marriage Enrichment and a class for single folks who are struggling called Divorce Recovery?

I think that we live in a very "couple oriented" society and that is a misguided way to look at life. Being single can be a satisfying way of life and being coupled up can be very dysfunctional. I don't see where it benefits anyone to concentrate on becoming part of a couple, as opposed to concentrating on building one's own life.

But, beyond all that, I do still believe in love. And I believe in lasting, monogamous, 'til death do us part love. But, it takes two healthy people to have that kind of love. Most of us weren't married to a healthy person.

I do believe in love, just not sure of what "true" love is. I loved my ex with all of my heart when we got married, but I do think that I "settled" for someone with whom I was not compatible (ie, he was a night owl and I am a morning person, etc.). Over the years those differences began to wear on the relationship and, though I still loved him, the romance was gone. I have now met a man with whom I have more in common, but I am taking it very slow as I do not want to give my heart too freely. I am not sure I will ever marry again, but I do miss the companionship you get with marriage, or at least cohabitating. I guess what I am trying to say is that I refuse to "settle" this time. I "want" a man in my life, but I don't "need" a man in my life...there is a difference. When I got married I was in my late twenties and wanting to start a family. This was my primary goal. Now that I am older and have raised my kids, I am seeking a special someone with whom I can enjoy the second half of my life and with whom I have more in common.

Carole King, in one of my favorite songs entitled "Too Much Rain Falling," sings: "One of these days I'm gonna understand how my heart works. And then I'm gonna work it out so that I won't get hurt." I identify greatly with her sentiments, but I just can't bring myself to agree entirely. Although my heart is in deeper pain right now than it has even been in my life, crying literally for three years even in public places, there remains deep within me a strange sense of gratitude for the ability to feel that pain, because it signifies that I have indeed loved and been loved over the course of 16 years of marriage. Love will always carry with it the risk of pain and, while I don't wish to 'throw caution to the wind' and indeed do wish to learn from this whole experience, neither do I wish to allow the fear of being hurt again to keep me from not only believing in but eventually, when I get my life straightened out from all this wreckage, most certainly looking for and risking (responsibly) further pain of heart in hopes of finding true love. The song 'The Rose' (sung by Bette Midler, among others) remains a beautiful expression of my own hopes in this regard.

Nan56, I think a "Will & Grace" would be perfect for me! That's all I want. I don't want another romantic relationship. CarolAnnie's first reply to this post says exactly what I feel!

There seems to be certain patterns in life that apply to any given circumstance. One I noticed many years ago for myself as well as others was that if we lose something, we are much more likely to find it again after we quit looking for it. My mother found love in her mid 70's and I'm sure it was way down on her priority list. We can set up a lifestyle that precludes love if that's what we desire, but if we live life that brings out best in us, I think we're more likely to find a mate that also brings out the best in us.