My stbx hasn't mentioned any regrets but I know he regrets losing his children the way he did. He never expected that and I know it hurt him deeply - in the beginning. Now I think he's just getting used to living without us in his life, just as we are getting used to living without him in ours.

Someday I hope he regrets leaving me. Someday I hope he remembers the girl he married and how much she loved him and how much he loved her. I am still that girl only all he remembers is the bad times. If he ever sits still long enough to give us the thought we deserve, maybe he'll miss us.

I don't care if mine has regrets.

The most important thing to me is that, I know that I have none, and that allows me to sleep at night and to hold my head up and go forward, as difficult as it is, with dignity and grace.

I hope that someday, I'll find someone who wants to share a life with a woman who doesn't live in such a way that it produces regret.

wm98 - My situation is different then yours. I'm the dumper - but was the dumpee for many years. One regret for me is that I held on too long to a nothing. I believed in my marriage - he didn't. His idea of marriage was to have someone there for him - it really could have been anyone - it just so happened to be me. And he was lucky - I loved him deeply for many years - good or bad.

My biggest regret right now is the turmoil I've caused my children because of this divorce. It's ripple effect. My stbx doesn't have me to hurt anymore (although God knows he still does all in his power to try) so he goes after his children to hurt me now. Although, they are grown - my heart aches for the pain he is causing them. He continues to be demanding, irrational and self-obsorbed without regard or regret for anyones feeling or concerns. And, of course when I hear of these things being said or done - I just melt inside. I'd throw myself in front of a bus for my family - to hear them hurting or upset because of their father just sickens me. Then and only then - I wish I would not have done this. And, I'm certain that he knows this too.

Oh Nan - I so know how you feel.

Personally, I think my stbx regrets what he did only from a financial standpoint. To this day, that is all he talks about, his gambling. Seems to forget that he left his family for OW as well. If he has regrets, it is all for his guilt and how he is perceived, not for what he has done.

Well, I just saw my stbx last Thursday because she had to sign something for me. She hugged me like 3 times and when I left she almost would not let go, I broke the hug. Sure as hell looks like she regrets her move.

I will go to my deathbed wondering what the hell kind of hold that 'girlfriend' had on her to make her give up on our 32 years of life together.

But it doesn't matter, the stbx would NEVER admit her regrets, because that would mean she was WRONG and heaven forbid that she could admit that. She has never, ever admitted fault to anything ever in our entire marriage. I was always wrong, even when I was right, I was wrong.

That's just the way it was.....

For me I dont think he has any regrets. I think it is because he moved on before ever moving out. He had already started his life anew before he left so when he and my son moved out he was ready. He had no adjustments to make to his life that he didnt already plan. Since the day he left he has been in constant motion he never has truely been alone to think about what he has done. He hasnt spent not 1 day alone he is either always with her and her baby or my son when he is not working.

A prime example of it - My oldest son told his dad the truth about his dads gf and that he didnt like her and didnt want to have to be around her to see his dad. His dad told him well she didnt do anything to you . And you better learn to tollerate her or dont come around. I plan to marry her when the divorce is final.

Some day he may regret that last statement but as for now he doesnt regret anything.

I will never know if mine had regrets - he is and always has been a rather stubborn man. When he makes his mind up about something and he feels he is in the right - regardless of what the outcome is - that's it. He decided that the marriage was over - no talking, no discussing, no warning, it was he alone. I think to because he spent so much time alone the last 8 years -that it was easy for him to walk out after 21 years. He has never had to be the one at home raising kids, looking after things, working on top of it all. He decided that I didn't do enough - I didn't clean enough, I wasn't a hard ass as far as the kids were concerned, I didn't do enough yard work - and the list goes on, and of course I didn't have sex enough - because we all know that whatever is wrong with you - that always makes it better!.
He failed to realize I worked 40 hours a week, I took courses for my professional designations, as well as cooked, cleaned, taxied two kids to rep sporting events, but to him I fell short - why because I didn't treat him as the king he thought he was - I merely loved him for the man he was, to be my equal. Does he regret it - hell I have never even heard "I'm sorry" so I guess in retrospect - he has no regrets at all - he has found someone who must treat him like a king - and be at his beck and call in the bedroom - but it's easy right - they don't have the responsibility that having family live with you brings - he has a new life - on his own - and his only concern is for himself. Perhaps someday he will have regreats - but after 21 years of marriage - he jumped right into a relationship - so it's all new and fantastic isn't it? Some day I think he will have regrets and he will only have himself to answer to them.

Dear wm98,

I cannot tell you how much I have thought the same thing!!! I wonder like on a holiday if my ex even thinks of me. Or when he is all alone and a movie comes on that we watched together, or something like that. I wonder if he ever thinks that he made a mistake and would like me back in his life again. I just think he's pissed that he has to pay alimony is all. But at least twice a month when his wages get garnished... then perhaps he thinks of me... remember... "It's cheaper to keep her!" (LOL) I can't imagine that after 20 1/2 years of marriage that all of a sudden I am just a blip in time. I do think that once the husband or wife has divorced you emotionally, the rest is just what needs to be done and perhaps they never really do think about us. Sad, but possibly true. Blessings

My stbx told me one time on the phone as I was crying "I have my regrets also." I am not sure why he said it that way because I never said I had any regrets. I have nothing to regret. I'm not the one who said "I had sex with someone else and you need to be tested for a STD and I want a divorce." I know now he had no feeling what so ever for me. The only time he even shed a tear was when he told our kids we were divorcing and why. He said one time that he was sorry for how our divorce came about but not that it is happening. This is the man I thought loved me... WOW... what an eye opener this whole divorce has been.

I'd like to think they have regrets, but I'm not sure. My stbx told me he regretted what he had done, but that was during the "baby incident" with this ow, so I think he was reacting more from her dumping him and leaving with his baby in her tummy than any type of real remorse for hurting me.

I also think they don't realize the implications of their affairs--the deep pain and hurt that is inflicted on the left behind spouse. I think only until my stbx experiences this will he truly be able to regret what he's done to me.

I think they are all really selfish.

I feel like my ex has regrets. We both know we grew into different people and have no business living together. The regret he has to live with is knowing I dont want him in my life. The was we split hurt me so bad that I have lost my respect for him. I have moved on and found forgiveness but I just dont want to hang out together. Sometimes he emails me and says things like he things of me often and misses me and he adds that it doest mean he wants to live with me. Life goes on, but I dont want to keep dragging up the pain. He is in many pages of life, we grew up together, then grew apart. I wish him well, but without me in his life.

My stbx says he has no regrets. Will he eventually? Time will tell,...but he is being more generous financially than he ever was when we were married. Guilt? Probably. Money is money...bring it on and I'll be fine! If your ex or stbx walked out on you, remember it was not you making this decision...the choices are not yours, so hold your head high and do what you have to do...

I think we would all like to think that they have regrets. I think some do but mine does not. He has found another life with another woman that is better than what he had with me. We were together for 20 years but he wanted to start anew. I guess he got bored with me and his life. New love is always so exciting. He is bipolar and was in a manic episode when he left. But even though he was manic, he was able to strike up a serious relationship with another woman. I don't understand it.
My therapist says that it is difficult on the one who leaves, also. I find this extremely hard to believe. If they were so sad, they could have tried to reconcile. The power was all theirs. Mine has never once wavered from his path to divorce me and start anew. Anew. I just love that word.

I just think my stbx regrets being wrong about what he thought he knew. He convinced himself his family didn't want him around. He convinced himself that I didn't love him. Then he acted accordingly, distancing himself from us and living his own life. Now that he knows he was wrong about those things he's pissed. Now he feels its too late. Its too much work to open his heart and make changes. Although he keeps telling me how hard it was to move out and how hard it is everytime he comes to the house and how hard it is to think about the divorce, apparently it is easier than living with me.