Chrissy I'm afraid I don't know how to date either. I met my STBX when I was 19 and got engaged in a little over a month. So yes its scary for me and no I don't look like that 19yo anymore. Its funny though. My STBX is no spring chicken but he didn't have any problems finding someone. He's not good in bed, snores very loud and is full of himself. But I guess men don't have too much of a problem finding someone.

I was told though when you do go out go out not looking for love. Just have fun with male friends and hopefully that will make you feel at ease and get to know them.

That's the advice that I've received too. Don't look for love or long-term relationships, just look for fun.

At first I was afraid, but I've read a few articles that say the guys are just as nervous as the ladies; while we worry about sagging and wrinkles, they're worried about gray hair, pot belly, and "performance" issues.

I've stopped worrying about it. If it comes, it comes. If not, oh well.

Hope you have good luck with dating. Hugs.

Get out there and have some fun when you're ready . If the spark finds you, you'll know it.!

WELL, from a guys pojnt of view.....WE have the same issues as you ladies we just suck it up suck it in and bite the bullet and get out there. Now I know at least 2 of you that have replied and you ain't got nothing to worry about as far as the physical looks. It's more about whats in your head and heart that does it for me......Nerveous....you bet the fitst few times out....yep you bet....but I got over it...so will you. I know that women are way more concerned about their "looks" than guys ..... but don't fret about it.

The thing you need to realize it that you have to date.....meaning get out there and see what's available......I think you have to date to find that right one...you don't have to fall in love with them, have some FUN......as my 89 year old mother told me the other day...."get out there and have some fun......and remember you don't have to bring them home with you!".....Chrissy, as soon as the weather permits, I will come to Michigan and take you on a "real" date...... then you can have that out of the way and relax and have fun....it's not that hard....yep you have all those odd feelings, the do I look OK, what will he think of me, am I ready to do what ever....take your time have some fun and for the first time in what sounds like a very long time ENJOY yourself for YOURSELF.....it is your time, it is now about you......

Be careful Jack or you may be a lot of women's "first date" after divorce. You are so sweet and you make me smile. Thank you.

yeah, I'm kind of afraid too... I've been with many women since my separation, most "as Friends", which was easy, and with 1 I'm real interested in, but we have a bond on so many levels... No outings with any of them were "dates".

I look at online profiles on OKCupid and some profiles catch my attention, something about them makes me think there could be something there... any I have emailed have either ignored me, or said something nasty or negative. I did meet one in 2007 but that was in the middle of my NC adventures, so that was just a 'friend' level too.

I wouldn't know where to look Out there. I don't drink, I don't smoke cigarettes, and winter sucks.

Good luck out there ;)

Awwwwww, Jack! You are such a sweetie! Are you going to become the "Hitch" for women? (Hope you saw the movie so you get the analogy).

And Geo, try other sites. There are lots of ladies out there on other sites. Sorry you found such negativity.

For most of us age, self-esteem, and awkwardness, all play a part into entering the dating arena. I really don't believe men have it easy when dating, in fact I feel it's the total opposite. In most cases men are the initiator, and being in this position one goes through the turn-downs, which can affect self-esteem. If you have children at home like me (13 yr.) that too is something to consider when dating. Its been 17 months and I'm just starting to feel like I'm emotionally ready to start dating, and realizing that you don't need to fall in love immediately.

I am scared to death to date. It is not my No.1 priority right now, but, I am determined to go on a date in 2009. I don't care if I have to ask the guy out, even just to meet-up with someone for dinner. That's all I want, just dinner, no strings right now, just the opposite sex to talk to. (No Hook-up either) My stbx has been gone for a long time and he made me feel so bad about myself and really hurt my self-esteem,but, I think I have alot to offer someone and actually since stbx left, I know I am more capable of handlings things on my own, I am more gregarious, I even think I am funnier (my kids keep telling me I'm not) just because I don't have someone judging and putting me down all the time. I am not going to stress over it, just won't mind if it eventually comes my way. My life is extremely full right now but, I believe in Love and don't want to give up on it.
Hugs to everyone!

I am scared to death to date. It is not my No.1 priority right now, but, I am determined to go on a date in 2009. I don't care if I have to ask the guy out, even just to meet-up with someone for dinner. That's all I want, just dinner, no strings right now, just the opposite sex to talk to. (No Hook-up either) My stbx has been gone for a long time and he made me feel so bad about myself and really hurt my self-esteem,but, I think I have alot to offer someone and actually since stbx left, I know I am more capable of handlings things on my own, I am more gregarious, I even think I am funnier (my kids keep telling me I'm not) just because I don't have someone judging and putting me down all the time. I am not going to stress over it, just won't mind if it eventually comes my way. My life is extremely full right now but, I believe in Love and don't want to give up on it.
Hugs to everyone!

I think the actual dating should be fun. We're not the same people we were in our 20's. We've had more experience with life and hopefully we know who we are and what we want. Although I'm not dating, I have female friends that I talk to regularly and find them easier to talk to than most men my age. The women tend to be better listeners, less judgemental, and more sensitive.
I have a book to recommend to you before you take the plunge.It was suggested to me by a councelor, and kind of took me back because it's a book for singles and I didn't consider myself to be single at the time. It's called "Keeping The Love You Find", by Harville Hendrix.In a nut shell, it describes how people bring baggage from childhood experiences into their adult relationships, which causes them to choose partners with negative traits similar to what damaged them in their early years. Have you noticed that you have an attraction to a certain type of personality, and it may be similar to the person you married? Thats why I'm not dating yet.I need to go back and re-read the book. After all, being alone is not so bad if you don't mind the one you're with! Good luck!

My older brother has been single and in the dating scene for a long time. He is a decent and kind-hearted man who has had his share of broken relationships. The one thing he tells me, over and over, is that everyone is nervous when they first begin to date after being married for a long time. He still gets nervous when he takes out someone for the first time. Most of his advice to me is mainly for me to be open to new ideas and participate in activities that I enjoy. Often, he has spoken about dealing with loneliness, and companionship. For him, women that are newly divorced are often so guarded, and suspicious, that it is hard for them to relax and just have fun. According to my brother, if you are comfortable with yourself and willing to be open to new experiences, you will find that dating is not as intimidating. He met his current lady friend going to the chiropractor for a bad knee injury. He and she started talking because he was in the office twice a week for therapy. So you never know where you might meet someone. BTW, they have been going out for a few months and both of them seem very happy with each other.

Hurtin, I just read the story line and I must see the movie!!! THANK YOU for the vote of confidence!!!!I don't know about being a "Hitch" for women as I am more of an Albert....The women I have met on DS are Filet Mignon and I'm low grade hamburger...therefore no pressure on the ladies....but I do treat my "dates" like a gentleman and a gentle man......I try to treat them with dignity, respect and kindness....maybe this would help with being their "hitch"....off to rent the movie..I bet it is a good one....

Hi Chrissy:

Don't be afraid to date. I agree with the other members to get out and have fun. You don't have to do anything you don't want. I say if the guy is a true gentle man, then he will respect your wishes. Get to know the person. Also, give yourself positive affirmations. Have confidence in your self. You are a beautiful person. Good luck and enjoy life to the fullest.

Angela, I love your brother's advice... I've heard similar elsewhere.

I was engaged at 17, married at 18... boy am I new to dating!! At 41. But a friend reminded me... it's just a coffee, a conversation. It's not a marriage proposal, or a hotel room... it's just a coffee!! Relax!

:)

Here's a recommendation:

use a pseudonym (create a free fake-name email at hotmail or yahoo using that name only--no personal info) to register at dating sites. I tell guys who contact me my real first name, but they have no identifying information: no phone, no address, no last name. This worked well, as one guy who persistantly contacted my email/IM was trying to get me into a money laundering scheme! I blocked him, and he can't track me down :) AND, I feel stronger for having outwitted a bad apple---YAY me!

Keep it all in perspective :)
L