Rant away !! Well your stronger then me. I threw out all the anniversary cards too. It was serial looking at the cards. We had a little tradition was to find cards that were two cute little creatures. Every card was stating how were and always will be best friends. What a fake !!

My husbands last words to me please don't throw out the pictures with me in them. When I was packing up the apartment to move I was a crumpled up ball on the floor while my girlfriend went through those things. Thankfully my husband has had these things in storage as I couldn't deal with them. I am at least OK enough for them now.

I can look at them differently now. Those are my children's memories those are our family pictures now I'm not sure how I will handle pictures with just me and him. I was after all an authentic person in our pictures even if he wasn't.

Sometimes I feel sorry for him he has to live with all this. Then again, I don't think he has the capacity to even feel sorry. So maybe that isn't even a thought I should have.

Oh that is hard, I remember finding our pics and wallowing over the loss or our happy married life. My daughter (she had a good relationship with my ex, her step father) told me to not look at them but how do you NOT look???? I tore them all up, every single one that surfaced as I was cleaning, did it help? Not at the time but it will help in the long run because I won't see them again, ever.

So sorry for your sadness, remember they chose this life, they left us behind, it's easier for them to move on. Sending you hugs and prayers, stay strong and look forward, not behind.......I know, easier said than done but we must try.

And yes, rant away, that is why we are here, for support and a listening ear.

My soon to be ex threw me out, so all of our pictures of 21 years together are still with him. I cleaned off my labtop and my facebook account. My family has hidden or destroyed anything of him. I have no pictures of him. It's been about 2 months since I have seen him and I am beginning to forget how he looks. They destroy a life together. But we deserve better. We deserve love and tenderness. We'll get it. I don't believe they truly ever care.

When I moved here in Dec 2014, I cried a lot. My therapist said she would worry if I didn't cry.

It is very hard to make a major change even though you know it is for the best.

I come on here everyday and see how everyone in improving day by day. It is wonderful to be able to
express myself and see how others are coping.

During my breakdown, my aunt and uncle came and took care for 2 weeks during the first round of mediation. While they were here, they went through all my photo albums, took all the pictures with my ex in them, put them in zip lock baggies and had my DD29 take them to her father. They know me very well and knew I would want them.

I made a Shutterfly book for DD31 last year and am doing the same for DD29 who turns 30 next month. It is pictures from their birth to their high school graduation and contains no pics including their father. No doubt they notice, but they also know how I feel about their father, so would never mention it. These books are made with love" from MOM, not Dad.

Great Idea, startingover.

I cleaned out the lovey cards drawer about 6 months post-divorce. I was sentimental and teary for awhile, but then became hardened and bitter and ended up putting a bunch of them into a bag and sending them straight back to his house. I kept a few from very early on, but even those are in a bag down in my basement where I might never look at them again. As you said, it just becomes hard, when you feel that there were times when he was buying those cards and writing mushy things, that maybe he was texting another woman a moment later. :( Kinda loses it's meaning then...... Sorry for your pain.

In my opinion, the only information of importance to talk about is how he intends to maintain the marital home front since his leaving!!! So, asking how are doing seems to be immature and trivial. Seems to me he might be emotionally weaseling into an attempt to feel you out as to how serious you are!!!

Since your stbx initially made the choice not communicate but now he's attempting to reach out is A GOOD THING. Until he is served, do remain cordial and keep any contact minimal as to keep the door open for negotiation. Let your legal team do the talking.

The cards are hard for me too.... all of them professing the ultimate, forever, best, lifelong love. Ack-Pfft! as my old buddy Bill the Cat would say. They now give me hairballs..... hack, hack.

However, I'm not getting rid of the pictures. They are history, for my son and his children someday. The pictures are shared memories of happier times, haven't been taking many pictures since his coming out as an addict days.

His mother had very few of his dad's pictures around and I remember my son and I feeling sad we couldn't at least see pictures of the man that wasn't around, and when my husband was ready to start dealing with the loss of his father when he was little, there wasn't anything tangible to help him.

My grandfather was gone from my mother and aunt's lives early on too, but having the pictures of him, saved for them by their mother, helped us explore our history.

From my experience, I choose to save the pictures and throw the notes, cards and letters, but we each have to do what's right for ourselves.

PS, I'm glad you didn't text him back, and no need to apologize!! You're doing fine.

I cannot thank you all enough! It'd such a relief to speak with others who really "get it." My stbx hasn't made any further attempts to communicate and I'd just like to get this process rolling more quickly I guess... My life has been turned upside down and inside out for almost a year - I'm ready for my rainbow!!

When I moved out, I took all of the photos. We were supposed to be having a 6-month trial separation, so I decided I would sort the photos and scan them to digital to give me something to do. He didn't respond to counselling, so I pulled the pin after only two sessions. I was ok with it at first but after the estrangements, I couldn't look at photos and they've been sitting in my wardrobe for 7 years. When my exMIL died, I had to look for photos for the funeral and found that I can look at them without shedding a tear now.

So my advice is to put anything to do with your ex, and all those photos of him and you when things were happier, in a box and store it for at least 7 years. Your kids will want those photos. You won't believe it, but you may also want to have them sometime down the track when you can look at them again.

I found that going 'no contact' with my ex helped me enormously, but it really wasn't possible until after the divorce and settlement were all over. You can limit contact to business and kids, though.

My ex also had affairs during the marriage, and , although I was the one who decided to leave (because I was living alone anyway and he was abusive when he was there), he had an ow in the wings. You're way better off without him and you'll realise it one day. For now, it's one foot after the other. Allow all your feelings and do the crying, and the getting angry. You'll heal more quickly that way.

You're allowed to rant as much as you like here, and it is the way you will 'get a life'.

love and hugs
kamary

There were a lot of things left here that belonged to the ex. There were things he gave me that he bought for someone else. As I went about this house everyday I would toss his things in the guestroom closet. A year later I was able to sort thru that junk. There was no way I was going to throw away photos of the ex with our daughter. The jacket he gave me that belonged to his OW my daughter will wear when its cold. She doesn't know it belonged to someone else. It reminds me that I was right to divorce him. I still don't have everything of his off this farm. It's been almost eight years and the psst is the past.

Pack some of those things away because you may feel differently about them in the future. Toss what you absolutely hate.

I haven't thrown any pictures away - just cards or letters... All of his stuff has been placed in our guest room for him to come and take.

Sorry I didn't address the fact that it is sad to throw away the cards and letters. Would you believe I threw out our old love letters (4 years of them) about ten years before we separated? I was going through old stuff one day and started to read them. They were so soppy and full of heartfelt feelings in words, I decided I didn't want anyone else to ever read them - not even our kids. So I threw them out way back then. Fate plays a huge part in our lives because I didn't go and get what I wanted from the shed when I moved out, and it feels good to know that it was my decision to get rid of those letters. They were precious to me at the time - so precious I didn't want others to read them. Call in preminition? At least this way, they haven't been touched by him again and I'm happy about that because he didn't value them. Sound too weird?

I'm glad you've decided to get rid of them yourself.

love and hugs
kamary

I have all the pictures and home videos. My ex left them when she left. I plan on going through them someday when I feel stronger, right now it's too hard to look at them. I know it will just make me wonder what happened to make this woman want to leave with another man and hurt her whole family so much.
I hope to be able to divide some of the pictures with her and have the videos put on DVDs. Well, atleast that's the plan but I'll have to do alot of healing before I will be able to do that.