(((Hugs))) - You are doing great and I am so proud of you. One strong woman that's for sure. Love yourself and all else will fall into place. It's all good!

Wow. I want to be you when I grow up. Your strength is inspiring

Deciding to break my engagement to Tom wasn't easy, but looking back, I can clearly say that I am RELIEVED -- and glad I did it. After 3 years, the chinks in his armor were starting to show and by the 5 year mark, I could see corrosion forming! I knew in my heart that I didn't love him enough to make a life together, even though it was pretty darned good for the first little while.

I think that divorce taught me a whole lot of valuable lessons and I'm not going to forget them. Thanks for sharing your experience with us. You are an amazing woman!

(((HUGS))))

you are doing well. You will be okay. I am happy that you chose to do what was right for yourself instead of enduring and hoping things would get better.

Wow. Divorce really does teach us something. I hope that I come out the other end as strong as you and CGK. I've got to believe that you will have romance in your life again. Honesty and kindness are hard to find these days.

I loved the book "Date or Soulmate". I especially liked the part about making a list of 10 "Must-haves" and 10 "can't stands". You think you know exactly what you need in a relationship, but actually pondering deeply and making this list clarifies it so much better. Because, so many of us do tend to "try to make it work", when maybe the relationship just isn't right. I'm glad you had fun but found out before too long that it wasn't worth pursuing long-term. Another, better one will come along. Enjoy the journey.

After my 2nd divorce to the same ex I met a fellow that I dated for 11/2 years. I too had to make that hard decision to end the relationship. We both discovered we were trying to re-create our past marriage relationship. We had not fully healed and knew we needed to go solo in order to do that. It was really hard to let go..it was scary and that feeling of alone-ness was really strong. So far...I have not met the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with and I have dated quite a few fellows. I have discovered that I do not have to settle and that being alone is a lot better than trying to mould myself into what someone else thinks I should be...been there...done that. The beauty about becoming whole after such a devastating event as divorce is...we have greater insight into who we are and where we want to go...although it would be icing on the cake to have a loving committed relationship...its not a requirement to have a full, loving and rewarding life. It has taken me 58 years to figure that out.

I have been on both sides of the breakup and personally I hate being the one to do it more...beit a short term relationship. Being on either end of the decision has its own set of emotions...however...being the bearer of bad news ( I'm talking about a long term marriage here ) carries that added emotion of guilt and that is something that never goes away and is very difficult to live with.

Kim..how wonderful for you that through all this heart ache and devastation divorce caused..you are able to heal, to move forward..learn who you really are and make decisions based on that and not settle for less than what you deserve. That right person is out there for you...hold true to who you are and move forward with love in your heart...Big Hugs...Kathy

Kim,
I totally agree with everyone here. You are a loving and beautiful person inside and out. You are also very strong to do something very hard because you know it is ultimately better for you. I have to admit that I would love to start dating (just to see if anyone would like me). I have such low self-esteem because my husband of 34 years said such nasty things to me. I know that it is not the right time for me as I have so very much healing to do so I will not date for awhile. It's almost a year and I wish I could have the self-love and self-esteem that you possess someday. I also know that you will meet someone again that is right for you but it is admirable that you are willing to not accept anything less than what you want. As always, thanks for writing and sharing your personal experiences and wisdom. You are my role model! I would say the same thing as Lori but I have already grown up past you!
Many hugs to you,
Donna

dairytech - your words, "although it would be icing on the cake to have a loving committed relationship...it is not a requirement to have a full, loving and rewarding life". Those were words I needed to hear, and I need to start believing in my heart. Thanks!
Kim - the decision you made required a lot of strength, of which you have demonstrated over and over again. The right man will come into your life, and what a lucky guy he will be :)

Thank you all so very much for your encouragement and support. I truly don't know where I would be without this site, and I am immensely grateful for each of you! Dairytech, I think I'm finally beginning to believe what you said. I felt in my heart that I was better off alone than with someone who wasn't right for me. Donna, my ex said terrible things to me, too. I'm so sorry that you also had to endure that. I learned in this brief relationship that much of what he said simply wasn't true. I had forgotten some things about our marriage, especially early on, and this helped me to see things far more clearly. I couldn't have come to that realization without this experience, or at least not as quickly. I sincerely hope that you reach a point where you realize that your ex is a cruel moron and that his words are simply not true at all. I feel confident that everyone on this site would agree with that assessment.

It hurts my heart every time I think of the amazing men and women here who have been convinced by cruel individuals with selfish motives that they are in any way less than. I still struggle with my own critical demons at times, but I think I'm finally (mostly) free of the scourge my ex thrust on me. It takes time, persistence, and circumstance, but eventually those of you who haven't quite arrived in that sweet spot will get there. And, when you do, you'll no longer be haunted by the reprehensible voices of the past.

Kim what an ironic post (timing wise) for me as I am contemplating something similar right now. I have been in a relationship for some time, and while there have been many good times and definitely shared love (is it that rare? I wonder.....) there are too many problems and disagreements for a relationship that I feel should still be in the 'honeymoon' phase. I think.......gosh it's SOOOO hard to know what's worth working through and fighting for. Guess for me, I'm just kind of tired, and it feels like work. Somehow, that doesn't feel right to me.

I have tried to break with him before, but he has all but begged me to take him back, but the past week a few things have occurred which have stiffened my resolve to stick with it this time.

I feel that I was supposed to come online tonight and read this post I think! Thanks. For now, I'll see what tomorrow brings.......

Good luck in your new single life - the most important person to love and take care of is and should always be you! It's like that airplane safety demo, when they say to put your own mask on before you help someone else. We ALL need to have our own lifelines in place before we hook up someone else. Not sure if that anaology works here, but it comes to mind :)
Best

Iammine, thank you so much for your kinds words. I feel for you. I truly do. I know from your posts here that you are very intuitive and, if you feel things aren't right, then they probably aren't. It's hard to know when to keep trying and when to walk away. But, I know in my heart that you will tackle this as you do everything else in your life - with strength and grace. I wish you all the best. Keep us posted on how things go.

These posts sort of morphed and reminded me of an article I read called Marry Again? I thought I'd share it with all of you. Let's face it - relationships take WORK and Iammine, if your fighting with yours, I'll give you a quote from my male boss when I started my journey. "Love shouldn't be hard. I don't want to see you sell yourself short".

Here's the articles ladies and gents! Although it's directed to women, you can virtually change it out a bit I think to fit the male perspective for some of the points:

http://www.more.com/relationships/marry-again-nine-reasons-divorced-women-choose-not?page=2

My most recent tactic of ending a bad relationship without damaging the suitor's feelings, was deliberate and planned. I looked grungy, a little obnoxious , and became unavailable. It all reminded me of the movie "How to lose a Guy in 10 days" with actress Kate Hudson coming up with some good tactics on how to get rid of her man Matthew McConaughey. He wanted to runaway but he stuck in there for his motives.

In seriousness, I do agree, re-discovering the execution of the women's "veto power " regarding relationships felt a rush of empowerment. I do think we learn now to tame the lion much quickly. In other words, we nip it in the bud earlier than allowing it to drag on. It takes great fortitude of love for thy self to release people. Amen.