Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
Hi everyone! Hope you're all having a great weekend. I wanted to update from my last post and see what you all think. I went through my lawyer to get verification that he did or did not receive a bonus. He had originally emailed me that he did NOT. I went to lawyer just for verification. Well he came back at me saying that in fact he did received a bonus but not much. I would have received $600, but its still a lot of money to me. But he also goes on to say that in looking through his records he over paid me. Now mind you he's talking 2013 and 2014. Spousal support is tax deductible for him so I pay the tax. Those taxes have been filed. He wants the money back and it comes to about $4,600!!!! Seriously! He said that money was automatically taken out of his paycheck and then he hand wrote me a check for the amount he owed me. But, I had no idea how much he got for a bonus! I paid tax on that money for those years. So now he is demanding payment back to him. Has even threatened to not pay his spousal support until it is repaid from that. Argh! Put me in a bad place. He also said its ridiculous to go through lawyer and spend the money when we could just settle this. Seriously he claims I owe him money and I'm not going to go through lawyer?? Idiot!
So I forward his email to my lawyer and she said I am not even obligated to respond to him and if he withholds my bi-weekly support she will slap him with a contempt of court order and he could go to jail. She is ready to pounce!! I feel so much better after talking to her. But, he actually is correct in the fact he overpaid me if the bonus amounts he revealed to me are true. I told her that and I didn't think he would lie about it. I'm worried I will have to pay him back and the lawyer fees to handle the situation. I don't have that money! I barely have a savings account from month to month. Also he doesn't even realize how this affects our daughter who I take care of and live with. My lawyer said not to worry about what ifs. He may not even pursue this any further.
All I wanted was some extra money from his bonus that I am entitled to for a trip home for the 4th of July weekend and it turned into this. I want to just go off on him but I am NO CONTACT! I did reply to his email only because our daughter had mentioned to me that he asked her if i was going to do anything about it. I was quick and to the point. Told him that i didn't agree to his terms and he'd have to discuss the matter through my lawyer.
I'm just a wreck about the whole thing. What if he doesn't pay my spousal support for a month or two? I can't survive. And if I have to pay the lawyer to fight this? I feel that I have opened a can of worms that isn't in my favor. I know he's now cursing me and the battle and I'm the vindictive X Wife. He makes at least $200K a year!
Anyone else have issues similar to this? I'm just a wreck!
So I forward his email to my lawyer and she said I am not even obligated to respond to him and if he withholds my bi-weekly support she will slap him with a contempt of court order and he could go to jail. She is ready to pounce!! I feel so much better after talking to her. But, he actually is correct in the fact he overpaid me if the bonus amounts he revealed to me are true. I told her that and I didn't think he would lie about it. I'm worried I will have to pay him back and the lawyer fees to handle the situation. I don't have that money! I barely have a savings account from month to month. Also he doesn't even realize how this affects our daughter who I take care of and live with. My lawyer said not to worry about what ifs. He may not even pursue this any further.
All I wanted was some extra money from his bonus that I am entitled to for a trip home for the 4th of July weekend and it turned into this. I want to just go off on him but I am NO CONTACT! I did reply to his email only because our daughter had mentioned to me that he asked her if i was going to do anything about it. I was quick and to the point. Told him that i didn't agree to his terms and he'd have to discuss the matter through my lawyer.
I'm just a wreck about the whole thing. What if he doesn't pay my spousal support for a month or two? I can't survive. And if I have to pay the lawyer to fight this? I feel that I have opened a can of worms that isn't in my favor. I know he's now cursing me and the battle and I'm the vindictive X Wife. He makes at least $200K a year!
Anyone else have issues similar to this? I'm just a wreck!
-
-
I had gone to the grocery store. When I wheeled my cartback to my car I just stool there a minute. A few spacesaway a Tesla Cyber truck was parked. I had seen it on theroad a few times for a few seconds. But not close up.It looked like it belonged to 2126 and not 2026. I wasgoing to take a picture of the car but the owners cameback and drove away. It was an ordinary middle age...
I'm sorry that I don't have any advice as I had a lump sum settlement and only had support for the year that I was separated and he paid. That said....you've got a good lawyer, one you trust so....trust her! Whatever advice she's giving you is likely the way to go. Asking for money back seems wrong to me...not knowing the law, I'd think that you'd be protected against having to pay anything back! I hope t works out for you.
Thats what i do if anything financial comes
Up.
My ex is not happy about his financial
consequences yet he is doing the letter of
the decree.
He has till next year to complete our Financial
connectedness. I hope he comes Thru because
i do not want to deal with Him ever again.
My ex does not like his financial consequenes
Of his actions and behaviors and he wants to live
The high ego filled life he likes so well. Having an
Ex wife to payoff is not something he wants or thinks
He deserves.
In support of you do not let him bully you anymore
Hugs
If he did overpay you that can be taken out of the next several years of what you would get from his future bonuses if that is court ordered. Just an idea but I wouldn't volunteer anything to him if he did overpay you.
If you've read my past journals I had the ex back in court three times for not paying my alimony. I knew this was going to happen and prepared for it as much as possible.
Have your atty ask the court to have your ex pay your atty fees. It never hurts to ask. This is putting you in a bad position and stress the fact that you are caring for your daughter. I'm sure your atty is already planning to do this.
See what you can cut from your budget. I know you already live month to month. Food banks for some of your food. Make partial payments on your bills if he does cut your support. I know you are scared now but you have been awarded this money so you need to get ready for a fight to get what is yours.
One other thing I am confused about -- you wrote: "He said that money was automatically taken out of his paycheck and then he hand wrote me a check for the amount he owed me." Normally, when a former spouse's wages are garnished, the money goes from the employer to the court and then comes to you FROM THE COURT.
My advice? Take a deep breath and maintain the no contact rule. I'm sure your attorney knows that this puts you in dire straits, but don't let the fear get to you.
Seriously, there's little chance he would not have known if he were over paying, and if so, it was his error, you shouldn't have to pay for that.
Good for you for staying no contact. He's still trying to push buttons and you'll be safer and healthier for keeping it through your lawyer.