Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
I came across this article on the Huffington Post Over 50 yesterday and had to share. Some of you may wonder why I'm still here (along with a couple other "old timers"), but #'s 3 and 5 jumped out at me which might help explain:
http://betterafter50.com/2015/07/10-things-your-divorced-friends-need-you-to-know/
These lines in particular resonated with me: <<The long-reaching implications of divorce - emotional, financial, psychological - may never completely resolve.>> and << But these new relationships are far more complex. Perhaps there are stepkids involved. >>
So...although we may "forgive" and "move on"...our divorces will always be part of our life. How we deal with it in the present and in the future will shape how the rest of our lives play out. Some of us will find happiness in our new marriages and some in their single lives. What I found is that life is short and God has given us things to still appreciate and bring happiness in to our lives, be it in nature, in our children, grandchildren, helping others, etc...
If we continue to question why and dwell on what "was" or what should have been (I'm still guilty now and then, so no judgement), it keeps us from appreciating what we do have and keeps us stuck in the past. Even after 8 years...like Timeman...I have my moments....especially at the holidays as you all know. Do I miss HIM? Heavens no, but the family we were and life we had created...YES.
Anyway, just thought I'd share. You all have a sunny and wonderful Monday!
http://betterafter50.com/2015/07/10-things-your-divorced-friends-need-you-to-know/
These lines in particular resonated with me: <<The long-reaching implications of divorce - emotional, financial, psychological - may never completely resolve.>> and << But these new relationships are far more complex. Perhaps there are stepkids involved. >>
So...although we may "forgive" and "move on"...our divorces will always be part of our life. How we deal with it in the present and in the future will shape how the rest of our lives play out. Some of us will find happiness in our new marriages and some in their single lives. What I found is that life is short and God has given us things to still appreciate and bring happiness in to our lives, be it in nature, in our children, grandchildren, helping others, etc...
If we continue to question why and dwell on what "was" or what should have been (I'm still guilty now and then, so no judgement), it keeps us from appreciating what we do have and keeps us stuck in the past. Even after 8 years...like Timeman...I have my moments....especially at the holidays as you all know. Do I miss HIM? Heavens no, but the family we were and life we had created...YES.
Anyway, just thought I'd share. You all have a sunny and wonderful Monday!
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I had gone to the grocery store. When I wheeled my cartback to my car I just stool there a minute. A few spacesaway a Tesla Cyber truck was parked. I had seen it on theroad a few times for a few seconds. But not close up.It looked like it belonged to 2126 and not 2026. I wasgoing to take a picture of the car but the owners cameback and drove away. It was an ordinary middle age...
For quite a few years, it was difficult to really heal as he kept us going back to court over child support issues (we have 7 children together).
Then there were a few years of relative peace.
Now, he is in end stage liver failure, and has missed some events (graduations, commissioning) due to poor health. Prior to that, he just missed them. **sigh**
This fall, the first of the kids is getting married. It breaks my heart that their father will not come to that...it will be poor health or death for this event.
It should have been SO different. Each event breaks my heart just a little bit more.
I have moved on...the wounds heal. But EACH major event in the kids lives just opens the wound over again.
With 7 kids, I may never completely heal. I just put a new bandaid on between events.
I also do try to live in the moment between events, but it is damn hard even still.
I like your "band aid" comment...putting a new one on after each event. Perfect.