I liked it! Thank you!!

That's exactly the way if felt when my daughter passed. And you're right, I know grieving my divorce was easier, not easy by any means, but easier because I already knew HOW to grieve and get through it. Not that I would wish either death or divorce on anyone, but it does help, once we've been through it, to get through the next loss. Interesting he said he's not getting used to it, I agree, but we do get better at getting through it.
Practice makes perfect huh? Sorry... that was terrible.
Thanks for the article.

This line from the article actually helped me as, during my divorce, the ex told me I didn't know what love was, so I actually started to doubt myself. Did I truly NOT know what love was? So, this particular line helped me to know that he was wrong.

<<Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply.>>

I assume now that it was because I DID love him deeply and with all my heart that I suffered as much pain and heartbreak as I did. If I didn't know what love was, then I guess it wouldn't have hurt as badly as it did. I had never lost anyone close to me, so was totally blindsided by the grief and the pain I felt.

I agree though about getting better about suffering and grief as we get older as we all are going to suffer loss at some point before we die. And, MNMama...I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter.

{{{HUGS}}}

That's a perfect description of grief and how it affects us. Just reading it brought on fresh tears as it's not that long since my dear exMIL passed and only 3 years since my own mum went. Tears for the ex are rare now after 7 years. As the old man said, the scars are there as a testament to our love and we can be proud of our tears.

Startingover, I'd love to know what his idea of love was then.

MNMama, I'm sorry for your loss.

love and hugs
kamary

Thanks for the article. I know I was shocked by the pain and grief which I never experienced even to a lesser degree than that. I also never lost anyone I loved before not even in death. It was my worst nightmare and it came true. It was as bad as I feared. But "getting better every day" is true for most of us who want to. It's the hardest thing to do but I feel that I have no choice if I want to move forward.

MNMama, I am so very sorry about your daughter. I can't imagine any pain like that.
Hugs,
Donna

Kamary,

I believe that love, to my ex, had more to do with respect and having things in common with someone than it being a feeling of the heart. He was always more comfortable around co-workers than anyone else and respected women who worked and made money and I knew it. (His wife was a co-worker of his.) He said to me years before he left me that he didn't think we had enough in common to go the long haul and during the divorce, he said we were just too different. The only thing he said even remotely close to love as a feeling was that he didn't love me like a husband should love a wife. He is not someone who shares of his feelings with others or shows them and his mother and my DD31 are like that as well. And, the fact that he has known his current wife for 30 years tells me that it's no great love affair...more of a close friendship and people who are similar and have a lot in common.

As my DD29 once said, "Dad has no feelings." So, it makes me wonder if people like him can truly feel love.