I haven't been posting much--my fingers are still hurting--but I got such a laugh out of this thread that I had to write and say thank you!
I'm always happy to find that we can still appreciate the funny side of life.
((hugs))

Me too, zouga, laughter is one of life's great blessings, especially when we're hurting.

It's great to see you hear Zouga and it's good to know you are still reading everything, I agree, laughter is sooo healiing.

Laughter really is healing and sometimes the only option is to laugh. I'm in the same place as you, dr, with the same worries but my daughter is still not speaking to me after four and a half years. Things were pretty OK until ex's squeeze came into the picture then, (insert swear word here). She and the ex have had conversations with every one of my children and then some. OMG. No one else who counts has fallen for the smut they've dished out except my one daughter. Some of their garbage has been online with my children on her friend's list. Some has been in person. Some has been in email.

I wonder what goes on in the mind of the ex's wife; a false sense of entitlement, like they own your family, your friends, your wardrobe and your deodorant. I've heard insults from condemning what I wear to my parenting choices (she did some thread on how backward I was because I didn't want my twelve year old to play Grand Theft Auto at her house), and I've been compared to Disney villains and historical terrorists. WTF? I've been around a while and I have never, ever seen such disrespect and irrational discourse in my entire life. I will never understand how the ex just sits back and smirks in all of this insecurity that his wife is demonstrating everywhere. He delights in the put downs and sometimes chimes in, right there in front of my family. He's made some pretty serious mistakes. It's just weird.

After this many years, it no longer hurts and no human insanity amazes me any more. I've taken on a kind of analytic attitude to the human psyche and I find I can't get enough research on the quirks of the human ability to hate and the many ways that people can find to manifest it.

My parents were divorced when I was 9. My own father has never once said anything derogatory about my mom, even way back when. Neither has his wife. To this day, he is respectful and up beat about her. So is his wife. My own children were not as blessed as I was when it came to their father's choices and that makes me sad. What the ex's actions and his wife's has done is bring me very close to my own father. He's back on his pedestal now. I am sorry that my children didn't get the same beautiful father that my own dad was. It's been really sad for them and that's the worst part of all of this. I would do anything to have them have a dad like mine. He is so respectful, dignified, so full of integrity and just all around good to people. He thinks wonderful thoughts about my mother. It is so peaceful to have that in your life.

It's amazing what the aftershocks of these things do. Besides bringing my relationship so close to my own father, seeing how my daughter has trashed me along side of her step and the ex, seeing all of the ex's accusations when my kids knew first hand he was lying, seeing their dirty little comments, has brought my other children closer to me and me closer to them.

It's all about balance. When something this dramatic like a bonding between a mother and child is broken in the universe, there are places that have to fill it in. It's not just going to be something insignificant because what the estranged child did is not insignificant. It's going to be something big that will come to you in your life, something as big as what was taken away.

The good news for you is...

Still, even though this happened to me, dr, I doubt this will happen to you. In general, most people aren't this bad. From what I understand, from what my psychologist friends tells me, and from what counselors have told me, and other divorced women with exes, this woman the ex chose to have in my children's lives is quite rare in the insecurity department and it doesn't usually have this kind of an ending for people. Usually the kids can see what's going on and it boomerangs back onto the derogatory parent like it did with my other children. I could write a book about it. And I would if there were more people in this situation, but there just aren't. This ex's wife is definitely one in a million. I've got to give her that. I'm slapping my head now, rolling my eyes, and laughing. It would be weird for the same thing to happen to you. This kind of disrespect and success at it just isn't all that common. Even when it presents itself, the kids usually can see it a mile away.

No worries. Your son has to first WANT to be manipulated in this way in order for it to happen, so I'm told by some very smart people.

Hey I got an idea. Buy and insurance policy on him because she just might get it right next time.

Yes, somebody has got to be the bad guy in order for them to justify everything. Pretty sad huh? I'm so glad you feel nothing for him. Big progress. (((HUGS)))

well, all I can say that they do not have a life of their own and they need to validate their indiscretions. So when they are talking about you, they are really talking about themselves. Hold that head up high and smile. Your son is fine. He is smarter than they are and is just abiding his time until he can vamoose out of there for good. My daughter did the same thing and now she does not even talk to her father and grandmother. Son and mother live together.

I did it again. I went back and read my post above and saw the glaring error. Seriously, who writes hear instead of here. Was I listening to Christmas music as I am now (Do You Hear What I Hear)? I don't know. All I know is, I'm glad I'm among friends!

It's funny you should say that Misred. During my Ex's more sane days (3 months ago), he filled out his life insurance paperwork for the school district and called me to make sure I knew I was the beneficiary saying he knew I would take care of the boys. So if she does finish him off, I (my sons) will collect. I should not be laughing about death, should I? I really am not. I just think it makes for funny conversation.