Thank you so much for sharing this!

Thank you. I'll get it. My ex tried PA but I won!!

love and hugs
kamary

I am trying to do what the book suggests but I just don't see it working yet. I know it will take time for the kids eyes to be opened to his deceiving ways. One day they will see his true colors. In the meanwhile I get to be lonely from missing my kids. They are moving out with him and I will be all alone. Doesn't seem right. How did you WIN? Im trying not to play the game, trying to take the higher road. It sucks

Libra, I read an ebook about Parental Alienation called "Poison Parents" by Grace Humphreys. She described something I had never heard of before in all my life, and her recommendation was that "love and compassion" was the only answer. Love and compassion for the kids, for myself, for the ex, and for anyone else involved. I also joined HOPE here on DS - Haven of Peace for Estranged Parents.

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/haven-of-peace-for-estranged-parents-hope

After a while, I added "respect for self and others" to that motto. As long as I stick to it, it seems to work. We share that and lots of other things on HOPE, and we have had so many reconciliations and improvements in relationships, I can't number them. For some people, there are serious issues which can't be fixed and they will always be estranged, but for most people, it is possible to improve things.

It took 3 months before one daughter agreed to go to counselling, and another year or so before things began to return to the old way. The other daughter took 4 years to be more like her old self and we never had counselling. My son was never a problem.

One of the most important things to remember is to never badmouth your ex to them (or anyone you don't know will keep it in confidence).

Be the mother you've always been and love them from afar if you have to, but always love them.

You're welcome to message me if you'd like to chat.

love and hugs
kamary

My daughter needs to be in counseling. She is his stepdaughter. But she has had a lot of bad things go wrong
in her life. She hovers over me like a mother hen. Too much. I had broken my hip 4 days after I left him. And
had no where to stay. A neighbor finally took me in for 4 weeks. God bless him and his wife.
When my daughter comes over here she walks about 6 inches behind me where ever I go. I asked her why and she is afraid I will fall again. Hard to go to the bathroom. I think she is not right in her mind. When I try to assure her she gets angry. She wanted to come and live with me in this condo. She has a job and a husband to be with. I have sent my therapist many messages this past week. We will have a lot to talk over Wed when I go to see her. I love my daughter but am dreading it when she comes over now.
I broke my hip back in Oct and it was just a crack and easy to fix.
I really don't need this on top of leaving my stbx

Dee, my first thought is that she really is afraid you'll hurt yourself again. Sometimes our kids take on the caring role in earnest! Your daughter has you and her father to take care of at the moment, so there's a fair bit of pressure on her right now. Maybe she is struggling with it all, and is not right in her mind because of that? Worry can drive people to distraction.

I'm glad you're in good contact with your therapist. I'm sure he/she will know what to do. The last thing you want to do is make her feel unwanted as though you don't appreciate all she does for you. At the same time, you can't allow it to go on. It's not good for either of you.

My daughter has been very good to me since my stays in hospital last year, too. I think they might suddenly realise that we're mortal?

love and hugs
kamary