Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
Well we are 5 days in since i told my H we are done ,get a lawyer,and i can see the wheels spinning in his head because I havent taken that statement back,in the past i have said I am sorry and we have moved on,I am not sorry this time,what he said about our anniversary was very hurtful and probably the straw that broke the camels back............Money is not everything folks,helpful of course,but feelings and compassion and love are what makes a couple grow,and sadly there is none of that left for us.
I so sympathize with you about wanting it to be over.
I can remember saying that on DS constantly.
I'm still saying it, but I realize that "being over" really means that you are over the dream that you and the stbx could ever have the marriage you tried to have with him.
It's sad that it won't happen, but the days that I beat myself up emotionally for not being able to make the marriage work are the days I feel the worst.
You did everything possible to make a it a real marriage. He is the one who didn't do the work.
The sadness is hard to put up with, but it's necessary to go through this to come out stronger on the other side.
I'm with you at that doorway. Let's go through it together.
((hugs))
The most important thing on DS is NO CONTACT!!!
That means no physical contact, no matter how lonely you feel, no verbal contact, even though you are 100% sure that the next thing you say will magically make him the man of your dreams,and no emotional contact, which is physical and verbal combined--DANGER, DANGER, DANGER.
He is using you. I'm sure you are saying that you had fun, too, but it didn't mean anything to him, and it's not going to lead anywhere good for you.
It's hard to go NO CONTACT, but it's the most important thing you can do for yourself.
It took me months and lots of good tough love from DS members to realize that NO CONTACT means NO CONTACT--NONE, NADA, etc. No ifs, no ands and no buts. NO excuses!!!
E-mail DS if he comes within 10 feet of you again. It's a danger zone! There should be yellow crime tape and red cones all around you to keep him away.
Run, do not walk, to your computer and e-mail DS. Put a lock on your door. Sleep in the garage, if you have to. Anything to stay away from him and let him know that everything is NOT ok, and never will be ok.
Stay strong and keep away from him. He's all about what's good for him and not anything about how you feel.
((hugs))