My hugs to you in this time. I don't know your full story but this is a time of decisions. For me, one of the healthiest things I did was in therapy just for objective support as I made a decision and to support me in the barrage of emotions that occur afterward.

Faye, you are CORRECT in saying that MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING! Hell, my X and I were worth at least $3 milion and he was STILL MISERABLE! I had often said to him I thought we were happier when we didn't have two nickels to rub together -- and I still hold onto to that belief.
Know that we are here for you as you begin this Journey. It won't be easy and you will have moments of huge doubt -- we all have some fear of the unknown -- but if you stay true to your Authentic Self, you will persevere and become once again the person you are meant to be.
Know that I will hold you in my thoughts and prayers.

Thank You Cat79 and Kathi,its a minute to minute hr to hr day to day thing for me,waiting for tomorrow to at least try to get this huge ball rolling somewhere,yes I am impatient,calling around for counseling/therapists today.

Keep your chin up. Bull through what needs to be done. Before you know it, a lot of this will be behind you and you will be glad that you got through it.

It is very daunting and scary. It's like an impenetrable wall before you. But even with the strongest wall, it comes down brick-by-brick. One step at a time. try not to look at the huge amount in front of you. Little goals and little accomplishments are the key here. And pat yourself on the back when you make each one.

thanks puter,it can get discouraging at times,just keeping my eye on the goal is all.......and i have also decided that the day it is Finalized,the following week i am going to the bahamas,I know its far away at this point,but a girl can dream cant she:) thanks .

antaresmom:
You wrote "...i am going to the bahamas,I know its far away at this point,but a girl can dream cant she:) "
I say YOU GO, GIRL! Keep your EYES on the PRIZE!
I might just go with you -- but I will try to talk you out of the Bahamas and into BARBADOS instead! It's the loveliest island in the Caribbean and I absolutely LOVE IT THERE!

LOL kathi....ok how about this you come with me to ATLANTIS in the bahamas,and then we go to barbados after hows that???as i have never been to either place,and seeing also i never got my honeymoon,I should at least get a divorce-a-moon....LOL

antaresmom
No thanks. Have been to New Providence Island (Bahamas) once. Took the ferry over to check out Atlantis. Besides the indoor aquarium and just pondering the SIZE of that place, I have no desire to return. Waaay too much glitz and too crowded for this girl.
I never had a real honeymoon, either! But Tom and I have been on FOUR HONEYMOONS already -- and we're not even married yet -- a weekend trip to Niagara Falls in late Sept. 2007; 6 day cruise to Bermuda in Oct. 2007; 8 days in Barbados March 2008; 8 more days in Barbados March 2009. We are definitely going back again THIS COMING MARCH.

wow good for you,well then maybe i will meet you at barbados then ...hahaha

antaresmom
I still say SKIP THE BAHAMAS! There's no Caribbean culture there anyway, just a bunch of American tourons! You want to have the trip of a lifetime, you need to go to the British West Indies! One day, I hope to spend mid-November through the first of May on Barbados every year!

I am 5 weeks into the process.

I stayed married 10 years longer than I should have (married 24). I threatened to leave him for years because of his attitude towards myself and our children. He would behave well for a short time and revert back to his true self. We had money issues and I let him convence me for years that we couldn't survive seperately.

He found a girlfriend and after having an affair for a year , he moved in with her.

I wish I had followed my instincts earlier. I am 47 and have not been on a date 28 years. It would have been easier if my children weren't 12 and 16, I think the younger they are the better they do.

HANG TOUGH. You can do it. Do not waste any more of your life on someone who doesn't value you.. You will start to devalue yourself and your children will do the same.

My prayers are with you.

Curlyhair thanks so much for verifying what i was thinking,he has been talking to me nicely i might add for about a week now, I was getting confused and started thinking well ok maybe i will hang in there,then i thought to my self wait the holiday (4th of july) is coming up ,and i think he doesnt want to explain to his family what happened so he is pacifying me (for now),still waiting till the end of july(hoping the settlement we have been waiting on will come in by then) before i file,plus i need the time to get money up anyways, He took me on a picnic today(which ok was nice),but this is what he has done over the years as well,over the years i have caved in and stayed,not this time,I will accept the niceties for now,however I am still going thru with this D......I am ever so tired of the mind games. Thanks again for your post.

You are right--money is not the most important. The stbx ran through millions and he still wasn't happy with me. I helped him through his financial difficulties and he still wasn't happy with me. He sure liked spending my money, but I didn't get any emotional support from him. Now there isn't much money, and I'm calmer knowing that I"m almost divorced (I hope JUly 7th is D Day (Snoopy dance needed, Puter, so please practice) and I don't have to wonder what to do to try to make the stbx happy. The answer is that nothing I do will make him happy. No sacrifices I made meant a thing to him. He's so selfish. It's all about him.
You are doing the right thing. Don't back down. It may seem easier to go back to the non-marriage you have, but you will be back here again, sadder, wiser and more broke, so do it now and save yourself that aggravation.
We are all here for you. Money does help, but not if you have to put up with the stbx to have that money. You will manage on your own.
Read all the great ideas everyone has been posting for me about how to save money. Maybe you can get a head start, since you are at the beginning of the divorce process. Sock away as much cash as possible. I wish I did that, but I wasn't able to hide anything at that time. If you can, do it! Your stbx will be all about getting what he needs. You have to be like that with him, too. It doesn't mean you aren't still the nice person with other people. You just have to toughen up with him.
((hugs))

Thanks zouga,I was never really thrilled with reg roller coaster at amusement parks,but this emotional roller coaster is really kickin my butt,I am trying my best to save whatever money i can for the time being,funny thing is I Know a better life for me is right past my front door,my problem however is opening it and going thru it......I really do hate this,just wish it was over,but wishing it wont make it happen,I have to do that...UGH!!

RE Zouga: It may seem easier to go back to the non-marriage you have, but you will be back here again, sadder, wiser and more broke, so do it now and save yourself that aggravation.


AMEN! I so needed to read that today