Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

507 Members

7,364 Posts

0 Online

lostwh 01/28/2014

I believe I have come to the point that I accept the fact that my marriage is over, and the woman I once loved will no longer be a part of my new life. I now have to start building a new life and creating new memories and dreams. The thing that I seem to be stuck on now is fear. I have fear about the financial problems this divorce has left me in, and about what my future holds. I worry about spending the rest of my life alone and even if I find someone how would I know how to act in a normal relationship since I never had one in my marriage.
I would never want to go back to the hell that my marriage was. It seems like the longer I'm away from my ex wife the more I realize what a miserable life I had being married to her. I would take being alone any day over that again. I guess I just have a fear of all the unknowns that are headed my way.

deleted_user 02/02/2014

I have found, after a 26 year marriage and being replaced by a younger version, that I prefer my own company to that of a quietly disapproving spouse. I can do what I want, when I want, with whom I want without worrying about being judged or criticized for my choices. I have lived alone for almost 3 years and have come to accept and even enjoy making my own decisions (and a few mistakes). My fear arises when I try to convince myself that it's time to date. After the ultimate rejection by the person I thought I was going to grow old with, I am terrified to be rejected again. This fear REALLY pisses me off, and makes me feel like an insecure high school kid again. I was raised to be an independent, self sufficient, modern woman, but am embarrassed to say that I am paralyzed when it comes to finding some male companionship. Anyway lostwh, I totally understand the fear issue, and hope that a time comes when we can both find the strength to overcome the unknowns.

Timeman 02/03/2014

First of all my friend , you seem to be on the right track..
You're excepting things .as they are...
Fear of the unknown .YA, we all fear that in some way or another ..
God, when my wife (X wife ) left me .I was lost .............. Where would I go ????
What will I do ??? Will I have enough money to LIVE ???? Finding a new girl friend was the last thing on my mind ......... Then one day A fellow at the crystal cathedral help line told me .... : Bob, put your troubles and life in Gods hands. At that time nobody could tell me anything tat would help or that I would have believed .
I was in to much pain. Little by little over time (I never forgot what he said ) slowly I started to feel better .I started to believe what he told me .... To this day ..I still believe that more then ever .. I still have my moments of sadness, but now I know ..they will pass.......
I got remarried 2 1/2 years ago ........ never thought that I would !!! Now ....... I'm slowly getting to be happy again.....
So...... financially figure out the best that you can do ...... what you can do .....
There are many ways to make extra income .... even a little part time job (For Now) would help and also take your mind off things ...
What I did find out in my 68 years of life here on earth was that somehow..someway. things always work out . one way or the other !!!! But life goes on ....
Take care .the best to you ...
can write to me anytime ................
Timeman ...Bob

Join the Conversation