I am in the same boat as you, uncertainty ahead , I'm different but at my core I'm still the same , I choose to do right for my kids and do right for rights sake of that I am certian

From your postings and comments it shows that you are a man
You'll stay a good one all the rest of "life" is out of your control...like it always was
Like it always is for all of us

It is okay to have some fear of what may come but trust yourself , you handle it

Many of us have fear of the unknown -- I know I do. When it gets overwhelming, I just focus resolutely on the here and now -- this day, or even, sometimes, this hour.
I don't know whether you have a religious faith. I do ( I'm Jewish) and my faith also helps me, not in a Pollyanna-ish way, but just in the sense of acknowledging that so many things are out of my control anyway that I may as well stop stressing and hand it all over to God. I pray every day for strength, patience, comfort, guidance, whatever it is that I need emotionally, and I try to remember to count my blessings and be grateful for them.
Also, if there are days when you're feeling strong, it can be helpful to use that time to face your fears just for a little while and only if you're ready to do so. Joseph Campbell wrote " In the cave you fear to enter, is the treasure that you seek" and that has really resonated for me. One of the things I most feared when my husband left was being alone, physically alone in my house and emotionally alone in my life, and confronting aloneness has been an important step in my journey towards acceptance/healing. I'm not over the fear of being alone, nor am I over the hurt and rejection I feel, but in moving between these two poles of avoidance of fear and facing fear, I'm a great deal better off than I was two years ago when my life came tumbling down.
Be strong, you will be OK.
Hugs!

All of your fears are normal in this process of healing. I also had the same fears: would I be able to support myself financially, what if I never fall in love again or find a sig. other, etc.

But you know what? As you go through the healing process, you soon work through these fears and find the situation not as scary as you had imagined it. I'm not saying it will be easy but with each day, you will get stronger. The advice about taking it one day at a time is a good one.

Sending hugs of strength.

The fear does go away with time. When I was first divorced the fear I felt was paralyzing. I didnt know where I was going to live, I was still to sick to work full time and I was all alone with no family and friends close by...I felt completely abandoned, traumatized and broken. As time went by and I survived the decisions I made...my self confidence grew which replaced the fear. Everything worked out...thats not to say there weren't obstacles or challenges...its just that my attitude and problem solving improved with practise. I no longer feel the fear I once felt.

As far as living along...this is the longest time I've lived by myself in my whole life...57 years. My son moved out last May...I was scared to death at first...but now...I absolutely love it. Its total freedom...chances are good you will come to that same conclusion...Big Hugs...Kathy

I was so afraid when I filed for divorce and wondered where I would live and how my life would be in the future. I felt so lost with no friends and no family support. I kept telling myself you can do this. You have to do this. It wasn't easy but I had to pull from my past to start to think that I would be okay.

Now I have so much to look forward to. Work that I love, my daughter back in my life. I have a real life now and not the false life I had before.

I know it seems so hard and impossible right now but you will be okay. Your life won't be the same but it will be a life you make for yourself. The possibilities are limitless.

I hear you.......I'm VERY afraid. As mature, educated, capable etc. as I like to think I am, I have NEVER lived on my own before. I went from living in my parents home to living with my husband. This is the first time in my entire life that I have had to depend on myself. I can honestly say I do not like it. I feel completely immature where "alone" is concerned. I've transitioned into this by spending WAY too much time away from home. If I don't have plans, I go nuts. I know this is unhealthy but I have so afraid of that unknown that I don't know how to cope with it any other way. I'm working on it.

I guess all we can do is continue to do our best. Gather knowledge and continue to seek support. Plan, Plan, Plan.....set goals and work to reach them. We have two choices here....wallow in our thoughts, or get out and live.

My biggest FEAR is the financial turmoil I am going to face. You have faced so many difficult situations already and I am convinced that you will be okay in the end. Odiously our self esteem has suffered greatly in the bad marriages we were in and it will take time to rebuild it. I know my marriage is over but am still working on the details of the separation/divorce process living under the same roof. You are way ahead of me and I wish you the continued strength it takes to overcome your FEARS.

Fear is what we feel the most when we have to drastically change our livelihood, our ways of dealing with life. We are a creature of habit. I was 57 and I have had to leave a beautiful home, a lifestyle that was ok by today's standards. But I did it. Financially, I am struggling a bit but I rather be living like this than living like I was before. You have to take it one day at a time. It seems like it will never be better, but believe me it will. You are going through a rollercoaster of emotions and one day it will stop. hugs

I also feel so much fear. It has only been 5 months and I am living with my daughter and her family until this summer. I never lived alone either and am terrified.

Like PsiChi I have been going out WAY too much to make friends and socialize but I am getting tired and wish I could just be home and watch TV on the couch with my husband the way it used to be. But that will never happen again and I am still trying to face this truth.

I do attend Divorce Care and another support group which meets weekly but when those are over I wonder what I will do.

Like hurt and healing I also worry about finances and wondering if I will ever find love again. I feel so empty without having someone who loves me and shares our home and lives together.

Sarahleah, I am sorry that you still have fears even after 2 years. I am impatient and want to feel better much sooner but I am still on that rollercoaster. Sometimes the anxiety is so unbearable when I think about my future. I only hope that I will not suffer for many years to come. I hope the same for others on this forum but from the stories I have read it seems that some suffer for a very long time.

I am comforted by the fact that we have so many of the same fears and feelings. Has any overcome these yet? Met someone who is better for you than your ex? My children tell me maybe this is for the best and will be better for me because I can find happiness again with someone who will be better for me.

I know that I need to work on myself and I have been doing that a lot but I deep-down know that I won't be truly happy unless I have another loving relationship. That may sound weak and codependent but that is the way I feel now. Maybe someday that will change.

I hope everyone is warm and safe. The snow here in NC was just a few inches but everything is closed and I am home from school for the 2nd day already and most likely the rest of the week. When I don't go to work it is worse because I tend to dwell on my situation.

Big hugs to all!!!!
Donna

#sciteacher - finding someone new is not something that crosses my mind very often. Maybe once I have moved on to actually living by myself (still under the same roof with STBX right now) it would be something I'd welcome. Not sure if I could ever trust someone again with my heart and soul. I feel that I have a problem with codependency as well and never lived by myself before. It is a scary thought to be alone but I have been alone in my marriage for a long time. Your situation is different but in the end we all have the same fears.
Stay warm and safe. We are experiencing a heat wave, it's above 0 today.

Not only are you fresh off the press , but last week's declarations hasn't quite curded the concrete foundation yet . Truth be told, the little boy in you is screaming with fear [as if you didn't take the deal to stick with the ex] while the mature man is quietly whispering the rational of your ability to problem solve.
You already know you do not have to sit passively in regards to finances. If you need to set up financial plans for your budget, start executing it. Living within your means helps gives you security.

A new relationship whose primary role is to assist/ alleviate your "being alone for the rest your life" seems to override the important process of discerning character. Just my personal opinion, I haven't sensed any involvement in men's mentoring groups which guides you into healthy dynamics!

Can't remember which President said "There is no fear but fear itself" Was it Rosevelt?. I'm four years down the road from being divorced and still get scared from time to time. I guess it's part of the proccess of healing and getting stronger.

Hang in there....

Yes, it was Roosevelt, nothing to fear but fear itself, and he was right. I still can tap into fear of the future two years into this process. After a very long marriage, it's not easy to face the future without fear, when all your expectations have been trashed. But it's a process, as Lauren9 said, and there will be good days and bad days as we ride the roller coaster. On the bad days, just remember to hang on to the precious moment that is now, because you can't fear the future when you make yourself live in the present...
Hugs to all of us who are struggling to overcome our fears.

I understand your fears. I'm 5 years out and I still have moments of fear of all those things, but I am miles better than I was all those years ago.

The more times you take those fears by the ears and shake them into submission (ie face them and decide how you're going to handle them), the more confident you become.

I just faced my first solo plane trip and short holiday alone. Amazingly, I've made it, and I'm not home yet!! I'm having a lovely time even though I was quite afraid of the travel logistics.

I agree with those who've suggested that you deal with your worries. Don't let them rattle around in your head. If you're worried about money, work out your budget and plan your strategy. With relationships, I'm nowhere near ready. It scares me to death!!! But I've not ruled it out. Should someone yummy come into my life, I'll just take it slow and make sure he ticks all my boxes, and I tick his as well.

One foot after the other. One thing at a time. No point worrying about what might happen. Take control of what is happening now and let the future just flow into your focus without hindering it with fear.

Love and hugs
kamary

It;s early for you and it's normal to be afraid. But just know that it won't last forever and you'll get there. It will all work out just fine. I wouldn't worry about being alone either. If you want someone when your ready, the universe will provide. Your doing great!