I have FB. I get on there maybe once a day. No family, just maybe 20 people from here and another site I was on before I found DS. Its so nice to know everyone is doing well and making new lives for themselves.

I don't have FB available on my phone and that helps. Only on one of my computers. I have no idea how you can cut back your FB time other than shutting down your acct.

Hi GG. I stopped going on FB when my girls estranged from me back in 2009. We are reconciled now but I still don't enjoy going there for some reason.

I know heaps of people who absolutely love it and are on it all the time, like you are. I can't see a problem with that unless other things in your life are being neglected.

When I couldn't stop thinking about my divorce and all the issues at the time, I was advised to give myself a designated time to do the thinking eg 20 minutes at 4pm every day. Setting a time and how long to stay on there might work?

love and hugs
kamary

I'm always on FB - and DS and Chump Lady. I play the games, and I too am addicted. It's entertaining to me and keeps me from getting bored. Your not alone.

I check in on FB, but don't spend a lot of time there. If you think you have an addiction to it, then it's time to STOP. Doing any non-productive thing too often for too long is not good for you!

I don't spend much time on FB either. Sometimes I go for days or weeks without checking which is probably why I find it sort of boring. I don't participate much so there is not much interaction going on for me. As long as you aren't neglecting something important, I don't think there is any harm. Just remember, how we spend our time is essentially who we are and who we eventually become.

I spend about an hour or so a day of FB. It helps me keep track on family and friends. Also...yes its true...I'm a candy crusher...so I play that game on FB. I know a lot of people who live on FB...its on all day long. I think if it interferes with real life it could be a problem...if not...have fun!

i'm on Facebook as well. It's helped me find some old friends, and I love playing Farmville.

I don't do FB too much anymore, it was too depressing seeing everyone in their happy lives. My ex was/is addicted to it and at the end of our marriage I resented the time he spent there, vs being with me. I agree it's a great way to stay in touch, I only have family and maybe 5 close friends on mine. I pop on occasion so they know I'm still alive, lol.

Living our lives vicariously through other peoples, well, that’s a problem in my books. Been there done that (on fb) sister so I get it! If we are observing and commenting on what other people are doing vs doing ourselves well, that can’t be healthy!

In the olden days (lol – before the internet) if someone was regularly or obsessively watching and involving themselves in their neighbours or family members business, welcome or not, that person would be called a busybody! We all know or knew one. Now, with fb, we have an open invitation to comment on the goings on of others. It’s kinda weird when you think about it!

I have more recently come to view people who obsessively post and or comment on fb as needy. Needy for validation of their own life. It’s sort of like, if people don’t know what I’m doing, what I have to say, then…..I don’t exist! That’s extreme, but something to think on maybe?

Hon, if you think it’s a problem then my guess is, it’s a problem! Maybe try going a short time, like 2 days (try more than 1) without going on fb. When you visit back, read some of the posts and….don’t comment. Just read. The next time you go on, maybe leave one comment or “like” one or two things. Then shut it down and go do something else. Hopefully, with a little distance, you’ll realize that it is much more rewarding to “do” then to watch and comment. And better for you.

I remember a time when I was obsessed with this site. I’d check it a few times a day, and spend quite sometime reading and writing. Now I’ve just returned from a wee break (not away on purpose but just life had me sidetracked) and it feels refreshing to be here. I don’t feel a ‘pull’ but instead I would describe it as a pleasant addition to my emotional life. I get validation from reading what other folks have been through on the healing journey after divorce and I learn and grow and, hopefully, share my knowledge and reflections to those who care to know (fewer then I imagine most likely ;)

Not the biggest deal, don’t fret over it, it’s likely just a faze. Just break the cycle abit and you’ll be fine.

So well said, iammine. I am so needy right now. That's exactly right. I know many people who obsessively post and comment including me. I thought it was just fulfilling a social need that I have but maybe it goes way beyond that. Very interesting. I like your ideas for how to slowly get off of FB. Will definitely give it a try.

Thank you, everyone for your comments and observations. Very helpful.

Goldengirl, I was NOT just talking about you hon....I don't know that you're needy or need validation or anything else I mentioned. Please don't think I was talking AT you. I was just having my little fb rant - many of my friends have heard it before! Indeed, you likely ARE fulfilling a social need, and that's fine to a point. But better to be doing then commenting sometimes is all I'm saying.

Ironically, I'm on a little fb break myself! I peeked today (was at a wedding on the wkd and dying to see if there were some photos on my friends site) but I quickly got bored and turned it off. Visited here instead!

I have a fb account, nice to see old friends and keeps me close to my siblings,
I don't post to much cause it's a small world, the X and I have many of the same friends, even though I have her blocked, I still think there are spies on there, I keep a limited number of people.
i'm not on a ton, but check in when i'm bored.
I like posting pics of the kids so my family can see them.

I'm on it a lot. It is the only way to keep up with long distant family.

Iammine - No worries. Didn't think you were just speaking to me. What you said I felt applied to me as well as everyone else who posts/comments obsessively. "Better to be doing than commenting" says it all. I need to work a little harder at that. It's just a rut I've fallen into because it's so easy and it's free!

A friend of mine last night told me(on FB!)that her husband handed her a letter from an attorney(I guess filing for divorce)at 7:30 a.m. Saturday and then promptly moved out! Probably been married about 30 years. She said it was unexpected but I wondered how you can not know that things are not going well in a marriage. Maybe it's possible. Seems like there's probably more to the story. She asked me if they could just use a mediator instead of going the attorney route to save money. Thought I would ask you all. I don't really know. Any thoughts??

Golden, IMO the only time you should us a mediator is if you have NOTHING... No kids, no money, no property - nothing. Tell your friend to get a good lawyer as he has been planning this for months if not years and to find a good therapist - she's going to need it.

She needs to fight for her future - she's at the age where she's close to retirement and if she works, great - but if she doesn't even more reason. Men who leave like that are NOT going to be reasonable. Money makes for madness - and she needs to protect herself and her future.