Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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goldengir 07/13/2014

Hi everyone -

I've been thinking a lot lately about trust and whether I will ever truly be able to trust another guy. My stbx, as I discovered, cannot be trusted. It wasn't another woman. It was about money. Still, the concept is the same. He cannot function without some form of deception as a part.

I'm wondering if any of you, who are now divorced and dating, feel like you have found someone who can be trusted.

Timeman 07/15/2014

Hi everyone ,
As most of the old timers here know .
I t remarried 3 years ago (July 19th is our anniversary ).
Trust ! I trust my new wife , but yet now I know that things can change .
Now I know that there is always that possibility .
After 38 years with my first wife and then having her leaving ...meeting an old college boyfriend .
now , ..........I feel there's nothing written in stone .
So, what do I do .... nothing ............... I go on trusting my )Now) wife , as I did my first wife .
We can't do anything about what will happen in the future .Nor can we let something/someone in the pass
control our future. We go on with our lives .......but, .much wiser .
It's just like friends that have left me because of the divorce or some that have broke there trust with me for some reason or other . ... Now 7 years later, I made new friends..... I trust them, but I know that can be broken again..........soooooooooooooooooo. I take person by person. I also (To be honest) I'm more watch full of new friends . Hard to explain.................... I trust them ,but am cautious.
IN SHORT >>>>> I NOW KNOW, how life/people can change in an instant !!!!!!
Take care Timeman

momto22001 07/15/2014

Trust is what is stopping my from dating, if I didn't notice that the love of my life was a cheater for fiv years before he left how can I trust anyone.

I am working on my right now, but its hard to know how to cope when you don't even know what happened.

I hope someday to trust again, but for now it is a huge block for me

goldengir 07/15/2014

I think perhaps it all boils down to the definition of the word 'honest.' Some people, in fact many people, think it's absolutely ok to use other people. I do not. Some people think it's ok to lie. I do not. Some people think it's ok to do bad stuff, as long as you don't get caught. I do not. To me, honesty is black and white. There aren't varying degrees of honest. You can achieve what you want in this world without being deceptive. Many people do not understand this concept. That is what frightens me.

PsiChi 07/17/2014

Oh man do I have trust issues now. I used to be that oblivious, fun loving, happy go lucky girl. Now, I have learned not to depend on anyone in life. I truly think trust is a very rare thing in todays day and age. Sadly, any future relationships I have will NOT be based on trust. I don't know how that will work for me, but it is what it is.

goldengir 07/17/2014

At this time, I feel like you do, PsiChi. I only trust myself.

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