Not ready to date but trust will be the issuel, it is what I seek and offer,
Trust is often undervalued, or even worse taken advantage of.
I had you back, you said X I believed X just because you said it

I look at online sites and kind of laugh / sigh at what people want and find interesting as for me ... If we can trust each other then I'm interested in your interests, I don't wAnt to be compatible interest wise with a lying deceptive cheater

I fear having a relationship because I fear betrayal
The hurt caused be a relationship failing I can handle
Weathering another betrayal will shut me down from relationships forever

I had a lot of trust issues when I first got married due to childhood abuse. But I really, truly came to trust my husband.

And then he cheated and left. And I'm not sure what he did through the years.

So, yes, I think I will have a terrible time trusting. I trust my kids and I have a lot of friends that I trust completely, but as far as trusting a partner it is something I will have to work on.

Different motives generate different goals and results. Are you confident enough to require the new person in your life to prove himself of BEING trustable before you get involved? Or have you re-written your script which you willfully anticipate NOT to ever trust another come high water.

Because I'm less prone to depend on inaccurate feelings, I prefer the first option. Just remember, during the informative dating phase, it not necessary make any serious commitment decisions. For me , until the probation period has elapsed and before monogamous intimacy is established, his ability to trust will already have been tested. That my job and his job to pass.

If you're referring to money, I personally have decided not to co-mingle my financial assets. For me partnering in any form is a business and it will require some financial cost to maintain. A cohabitation agreement is my plan if when living together is decided.

My ex cheated, but, surprisingly, I don't have trust issues. I was raised as a moral person, to live my life accordingly, and have the strength of my convictions.

I believe that I have good judgement. I know It's NOT my fault that the ex chose to do what he did. In my mind, it doesn't erase the trust that I had in him and that he honoured for most of our marriage (yes I'm sure that he never cheated before).

I'm not naive. Ultimately, I just trust my judgement.

Trust is a very fragile area of the heart. It does get broken and you do repair it, but in each time, it just doesn’t work or feel the same as before. Get it broken enough and you start to not want it to be repaired anymore. Why would you. It will not be as good as it was before and it might just get broken again.

I trusted my wife. She cheated on me at least 3 times even after I forgave her. She stole tons of household money. She lied about me to everyone including to our own child. She lied to me about alot of things including loving me. Then my childhood was just as broken in trust as my marriage. In some cases, worst. Hell mate! Even some of my church friends / family have broken my trust.

I can and will trust again. Because I want to. Because I can’t get close to anyone special if I don’t trust again. Just this time, I will be wiser and stronger and my heart will be covered in a thicker skin so it won’t get broken so easily. If I want my life back, it’s up to me to put the key things back in it. Trust is one of those things.

I'm afraid trust is a big issue for me. I also fear betrayal again. I'm holding both arms out stiffly. That's as close as anyone gets at this point in time. Maybe I'll thaw out a bit down the track. I don't know.

I think it's important to trust ourselves to make the right choices, so at this point, I'm trusting that I am not ready for a new relationship and won't push it.

love and hugs
kamary

For me...I believe trust is something that begins within. I believe that if I can trust myself and my decisions I dont need to trust others. That's not to say I dont give trust...its just that when that given trust is broken...the one who breaks it must carry the fault. Those that break the trust given with no thought of malice...are forgiven and given another chance...those that break it with malice...are no longer in my life. Everyone makes mistakes...its all about intent. So...for me...broken trust says so much about the other person than me. This perspective helps me in many ways...the most important...trust is a gift given to myself...its mine...I give or I dont...since its mine...broken trust can not hurt me...it can disappoint but its not a reflection on me. If I were to intentionally break someone elses trust...that is a reflection on me and I must carry that responsibility to them as well as to myself. If I were to intentionally break someone elses trust I am actually breaking my own trust...that hurts.

So for me...trust in someone else is a non issue. My inner voice is loud and clear. I trust me and that's a very powerful self feeling...I go with that...Big Hugs...Kathy

I was talking with a friend the other day about this. Watching for the other driver motto came to mind with a twist: " Its not me who I worry about. IT'S THE OTHER PERSON who I have to watch out for."

Another thought on trust. I trust my ability to drive safe and not doing anything stupid behind the wheel, but I don't know about those driving around me, so I am always keeping an eye on what they are doing. Just in case I need to react in self protection. Trust to me is very similar to driving safe around others.

That seems like too much work. Although it's wise to keep an eye on the other driver...no one has ever died from deception and divorce but many have died from auto accidents. To me...the two can not be compared. Trying to always look for deception or being on alert is hard on the mind body and soul...you have to ask yourself how you want to live your life in reflection to this one person who wronged you...but that is just my opinion...Big Hugs..Kathy

Dairy, I think you're perspective on trust is great! Thanks for sharing

YOUR...I usually don't fix typos but since this was a short post....

“Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.” - Maya Angelou

@ daiytech, I respect your views and see your point clearly. Given I have been in a major car accident last year at the fault of a stupid rushing driver, dealt with divorce, I can compare them and see similarities in them. It comes down to being hurt by others poor and inconsiderate judgments. In any event, such behavior can hurt people.

Oh yes, deception kills. Case in point: Scott Peterson had numerous extramarital affairs [deception] killed his pregnant wife. Deception is the first motive that comes to mind when harm [pick one: kill, steal, and destroy] comes to a spouse. We may have been lucky enough, the spouse's deception didn't grow into such severity. If you sensed any hesitation, wondering if your cheating spouse would let you lay in the street bleeding/ dying, you were already on the edge.

Being alert and on a look-out, for example, are skills taught even to children to avoid deceptive predators. Maybe as adults , we too can learn how to protect ourselves. Being hard isn't the issue, rather it's a matter of being vigilant; ingraining watchful behavior as a consistent habit . Just as one makes a habit of looking [keyword] in your mirror, watching out for the other driver is good!.