Catsden, two things. Never feel ashamed of crying about your situation. I remember, now about 2 years ago, going to my first divorce consultation with a lawyer. I cried so much the lawyer suggested I go to counseling. She said she could be my counselor for $350 an hour and I could cry all I wanted, or I could go somewhere where that was their job! The comment stung, but hit home. I waited a bit before I consulted another attorney, but the second was easier. The third easier still. It's a process, and success in controlling your emotions comes slowly. Be easy on yourself. I also cried when I first spoke at my divorce support group. I was embarrassed, but everyone is in the same boat and no one judges.

Secondly, I'd like you to consider doing what I did regarding credit card debt. You get a new zero interest credit card and transfer all of your marital debt onto it. Don't allow either of you to add anything new to that card. Don't even give him a card. This way no new debt is incurred by your stbx and there is an official clean record of old joint debt. Make sure you have one in your own name too. If he doesn't have his own, he'll have to get one. It made my life so much easier, wish I had done it sooner than I did.

Oh yeah, with the zero interest card, there's usually a pretty long grace period where you only pay a minimum with no interest. My minimum on about $9,000 debt was about $94 a month. Once your finances settle legally, then you split the balance. Hopefully you can get $ from him to pay his balance at settlement. I had that stuff built into the settlement.

Catsden-I'm in the same boat as you, almost. Been married almost 28 years, but, I'm still there. I have been to the lawyer, just need to sign the papers. My husband is a highly functional alcoholic as well. And much the same as you, once he goes to bed and gets up in the morning, all is forgotten.......for him anyway. My hold up is our children. They are grown, but, I'm still torn. Currently, I'm looking for a place to rent. I've told myself that as soon as I can find a place, I'm gone. So, just know that you're not alone.......we'll get there, one day, one way or another.......and, we'll be better in our new adventure.....~hugs~

I'm so sorry you had to endure this but be strong and know that you did the right thing. I left my alcoholic husband of 21 years 2 years ago and I'm glad I did. Two things remain the same he still drinking and after leaving him I'm still happy. May you find your peace and comfort and may He find his karma and cause it to heal him

Wow, I know this is an older post but I can so identify here. Now 2 years later ex wants me back but it's too late and I'm not going to go through Hell again. Stay strong my friend. I'm here if you ever need to talk.