Here's the deal with xanax - I abused drugs as a teen and young adjult and have an addictive personality. I have cocktails at night and on the weekends. Not stumbling bumbling drunk, but enough that I wouldn't want to take anything with them. When I hit the 3 month mark of post bombshell, I plan on working on the alcohol and smoking. Although, right now I can't even think of anymore changes. The last month I really haven't had much trouble sleeping. The first thing I did when he moved out was buy new bedding. Something delicate that he would never have liked, so now I love my bed. There's no ryhm or rythym as to when the meltdowns hit me - if there was I would be prepared. Just so glad I have all of you to lean on.

THANK YOU AGAIN FOR CARING ABOUT ME!!!

Sorry.. Xanax is a certain class of drug, and is highly addictive to many. it sells as a street drug for up to 40 dollars a pill. When I got mine, it was for 100 at a time.. I used maybe 15 pills. Because I had no record of any prescriptions and went to Walgreens at midnight, the pharmacist came out and questioned me .. he was assured I was in a divorce and not going to off myself with it! And I was there because I had been swimming at the club, which seemed to assure him that I was not some addict with a new prescription. I wish he would have told me that these were a street drug.

The reason I know about the addict is my friends son, a good guy, divorced with a child, whom I helped.. got me to give him some of mine, because I truly believed some sob story that he lost his.. I am not naive and not easily conned. He redid the brakes on my car for almost nothing, like a said a good guy. I helped him with his child support and visitation.He had a script, but was taking mega amounts, he was very reliant on them. He did not take mine, but any of you with meds, teens, people steal them. When I told my lawyer in conversation what a fiasco that was, he said, you don't have teenagers, I lock up all scripts in my bedroom.... big thing with theft, even if you think it could not happen with teens friends, does all the time..

Kelly I am so glad you know all that about yourself, are strong and have not relapsed. I am glad you told us, and keep going to therapy. I had a meltdown a few times in public at the most unexpected times. People were wonderful. Bedding and change a good idea. I bought a new bed from Overstock but never put it up.. my vintage bedroom set stayed, but I also changed a few things, and bedding was one. Small but good changes.. It will get better. You are doing great! HUGS

MsTerey, I am all too familiar with the kids and street drugs. I've live here for 22 years and watched some of my boys' best friends go completely downhill from xanax. My neighbor and good friend's son just got out of prison (she is an excellant parent) from the effects of xanax, He said he was taking up to 20 a day.

When I had post pardum depression, the doctor put me on xanax and I felt like a complete zombie. I would have rather had the anxiety than feel so drugged up. I also don't do well with any kind of pills, even over the counter. My mom tells me that even as a baby I would have adverse reactions to medicine.

Kellyb, so glad you got through the closing ok. Letting those tears out and admitting how stressed you are goes a long way. Releases endorphins etc you've probably heard it all before.

Good on you. Facing fearful situtations is as hard as slaying dragons. lol.

I can understand your need to dodge taking drugs. I've never had an addiction but am very wary of side-effects of drugs, and will try natural alternatives before I give in to taking any form of drug. Who knows how we end up this way, but Mum told me I reacted badly to the whooping cough vaccine when I was 3mths old. Maybe we learn very quickly and at a very young age.

i remember having meltdowns often in the beginning. I would have a realization, a thought that would bring me to my knees. I made a plan for when these times would come. I knew they would come. I would say affirmations, visualize a stop sign, call a friend, get out of the house and do something I like. Most of the time talking to a friend helped me the most. I even called my therapist and took notes of what she said.

Take care of yourself.

Kelli - I hear you on the not mixing alcohol with ANY DRUG as it can have really bad results! But you might want to think about NOT drinking at all! When we are in an emotional upheaval, alcohol can have strange side effects on us. Alcohol affects me differently now than it did when I was younger -- I can't have more than ONE DRINK and it better be fairly early or I will have trouble sleeping. Hormone changes can also wreak havoc on how alcohol and certain meds effect you.

I use a natural product called "Sleep Rescue" when I have periods of middle of the night wakefulnes (like now -- during the full of the moon!) You spray it on your tongue and it works for me. Worth a try for you, too, my dear and NO HANGOVER in the morning.

Do you have a trusted friend or family member that you can call in an emergency? I call my sister when I am on a ledge and she talks me down every time! It is a good adjunct to a therapist and free. (Although I think I should start paying her soon.) I was having a crisis yesterday and we talked for an hour and a half, I felt so much better after. She has been through a divorce before and I moved in with her for a year when I was still single to help her get through, help with rent, and her 3 year old at the time. It was a 2 bedroom house and we slept in the same bed so her son could have his own room. One of the best years of my life!