Just breathe. Say a short prayer. Take things one step at a time.

You can get through this. Take a moment, collect your thoughts and then take each thing one at a time.

Hugs!

You can do it.

Go outside...take a deep breath and think about all the shitty things he has done to you and your family. Think about the lies and deception. Think about how you held up the fort while he was screwing around. Think how he so easily tore apart his family and what seems...a blink of an eye. Think about how this effects your kids and his lack of care and concern. Think about the disappointment from other family members and friends and how he choose to just throw all that away. Ask yourself...what do I miss? Get pissed! Show him and yourself you can get by just fine without him. He was a choice not a necessity. Living well is your best revenge. Now...get back in there and close that deal. Do it with pride, confidence and keep an eye on the prize...living well without his lying ass...Big Hugs...Kathy

Kelly - I am worried about your mental health. You need to talk to someone now. Perhaps you need to take sometime off work? Go see your doctor asap okay? Let us know you are okay

I have had weeks where I've seen my counselor twice and taken Xanax. Please take care of yourself

I am also worried, and believe us, you have to keep your job! I always say how much I admire any of you who are working during the divorce, and I mean that. For some, being at work can help by keeping the focus on that and not the emotional.. work on that. You are going to need time off for court dates etc, and try and focus.

I agree that if you have a therapist, and you should have one, that you need to see if you need some meds. If you are on medication, please go in and see if you need to adjust it or add to it. Hang in there, and think about this, he has taken from you, do not let him take your job because of this divorce! You can do this! HUGS

PHEWWW! Thank goodness that went mercifully quick with not a lot of questions. Yep, had a good cry then had to chuckle as I was walking in the conference room. I looked like I had been caught in the rain with tear drop splatters all over my dress. Now, I'm sorry to worry you ladies, but sometimes, it's just so overwhelming I need you to talk me back down to earth.

As to my mental health, picture a jumping bean on stearoids. I am all over the place. I have xanax for anxiety but don't take them. I'm too afraid I would get addicted to them and I have to many addictions as it is. Obviously one of them is my stbx. I have a therapist and have seen her a couple of times. I will see her again, but I'm spreading it out because I can't afford to go all the time. I have a $3000 deductible on my insurance that I haven't met, so the sessions aren't covered.

And lastly, you can all yell at me because I probably wouldn't have had this melt down if I hadn't tried to call him. I wanted to apologize for the scathing email I sent on Sunday (insert pathetic here) and he didn't answer his phone so I left an apologetic voice mail. It hit me that he doesn't want to speak to me anymore and that just crushed me all over again. The no contact certainly makes sense because it just starts the hemoraging all over again.

My brain knows that I will be fine on the other side of this - my heart hasn't gotten there yet. With each meltdown I do feel a sense of cleansing and a baby step closer out of the abyss. Thank you so much for caring about me, you don't know what it means to me.

Dear take it easy on yourself- we are not here to judge! We all make mistakes- i called too frequently so i violated n/c rule many a time.
Hugs!
Cheryl

I am not going to yell at you.. and no one should!

I suggest you talk to the therapist about taking the xanax. I was sleep deprived big time and that added to my anxiety.... which I had never had! I never took xanax during the day, and used it for about two weeks as a sleep help. I had taken no medications for 30 years of any kind, so I was concerned about dependency on it also, though my only addiction is food and clothing! It may really really help you. I was so much better and I did in the other end, my stress was higher the nearer I got to the divorce date!

Talk also to your therapist about the co-pay. Most of us, and I pay 354 a month for my health insurance non employer on my own, have high deductibles, mine is now 3500, will work something out with you if you ask. All during the divorce, my therapist got the 300 a session from my exes great health insurance, with no co-pay, full load as they say. Those were the days, the ex and I each got 62 sessions a year! When I went to COBRA therapist waived any portion of my co-pay as I was paying 550 a month just for the insurance premium and was not working yet.. and at part time, I kept COBRA for the 36 months I could. That was 25 a co-pay and he just took that off his side of his pay. When COBRA ended and bought my own health insurance, he waived all fees and saw and still for free. I have been gifted by many people during the divorce, he is one. I have helped others make a deal, some therapists do not know unless you tell them what the cost is, and they adjust your fee. But you have to ask, and it doesn't hurt to ask....

No contact is not a rule, but a guideline. Contacting an ex, when you do it, make that call, you think hearing his voice or talking will make you feel better.. but usually do not. Put a post it on your phone.. DO NOT CALL or IS THIS NECESSARY! I did on my land line.. on my cell, I would shut my phone off, sit there and really think. HUGS

We can all relate to how you're feeling, and no one is here to judge. I would rethink the Xanax, if I were you . I understand the concern about addiction, but in the short term it can be very helpful ( at least, it is for me.) Meditation helps too. Just another tool that can help tamp down the anxiety.
Hugs.

I just posted a comment on your journal entry about how you sent the "scathing email" to him just the other day. Honey, do whatever you must, but DO NOT SEND ANY MORE OF THAT TYPE OF COMMUNICATION! It will only serve to drag you down and chances are, whatever you said is COMPLETELY LOST ON HIM anyway.

As to the Xanax, I have NO IDEA why some people are so damned afraid of becoming addicted to it! If you take it AS PRESCRIBED and only AS NEEDED, the risk of it becoming habit forming are slim to none. You are more apt to end up in a worse emotional state if you don't start getting some regular SLEEP! Sleep deprivation causes all manner of weirdness and it makes coping with the daily stuff a CHORE!

We're all here for you and we've all been exactly where you are right now at some point. But I must say, if your deductible is only $300, I wouldn't blink once over that! You NEED the help of a therapist to get through this, my dear. Please do not short-change yourself!

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers today.

I've taken Xanax since April '11-only as needed and have had no problem with addiction. Also have to agree with the NO CONTACT. Was skeptical at first, but it is the ONLY way to go.

I'm sorry I came in late for this post, but very glad that you made it through your closing. I agree about the xanax - I took it in the beginning to help me sleep and help me through a few spots, and it's wonderful. What a HUGE difference is makes and it helped a lot.

Give it a try - you won't become addicted if you take it as prescribed like CGK says.

It's a process girl, and we are all here to help.

I think meds are helpful and I have anxiety attacks also. I just made sure I never used the Xanax more than a few times a week. Then as I went through the divorce process, I put a stricter limitation on my use. Now I do not use it at all. Sure I still have an attack every now and then but now I just use breathing techniques and exercise to control them.

With regard to prescription drug abuse....how can you abuse it when the pharmacy only gives you so many and won't allow you to refill it until a set number of days have passed? Doctors don't carelessly write scripts anymore. The only way someone can get hooked is if they buy it off the streets or get it from friends and family who didn't use all thiers. I took used Xanax with great results in the beginning. I think I only refilled the prescription once and my insurance company only allowed me 21 pills at a time. The doctor could of said 1,000 pills and they only give out 21 pills for 21 days. I took only half a pill when I needed to sleep. I think I still have a few. It you go to a therapist you should let them know you have anxiety and they can give you tips on dealing with it. It's not all that uncommon.

Glad the closing went well. Most of the things we worry about half the time never happen. (((HUGS))))