Thank you Dairtech and Jennymuchafraid.
I do have a psychiatrist I have an appointment next week. When I was in the hospital they adjusted my meds. I don't know yet if the adjustments are working because it takes a month to get into the system. I have been taking the new meds only a week.

I hope it gets better. I keep telling myself it will. I want him to get better, but I know he is the only one that can do it. I have to concentrate on ME. I have not contacted him today. That is good.

I know this isn't much, but it will pass. Time, my friend, time.... it just takes time and no contact. None - nada, zip. Focus on yourself. He's probably gloating that he could do that to you. That he has that much power over you is a boost to his ego. Good or bad, it's a boost.

Do you want to boost him up? Start working on yourself. You've got this!

He is NOT worth it....I am telling you from experience ...I left after 30 years and he dragged me through the courts....he was crazy my health suffered terribly physically and mentally I had to take out court orders of protection ...he was a control freak...it was the best thing I could have done but I live with the regret that I didn't have the strenght to leave sooner by staying the stress destroyed my health...the whole thing was so stressful I developed so many health issues and unfortunately 15 yrs later I suffer terribly with so many health issues..would do it again but sooner....please stay strong and keep in mind you deserve better ...God Bless!!!!

Everyone is right. We have all been through a withdrawal from someone that was part of our lives for years and years. I used to think that I could never live without him and now I found out that I certainly can. Focus on other things to keep you busy so you don't feel like contacting him. It's almost 2 years out for me with no contact for most of that time. Only once in person and we didn't even hardly talk - he kept his head down - it was when my daughter had twins and was in the hospital. A few emails about our income tax last year and nothing else. I dread when I have to see him again (probably at a grandchild's birthday or one of my children getting married) because I think it will be hard and hurt my heart so much. But no contact works so stick to it and keep occupied with family, friends, work, etc.
Good luck,
Donna

Thank you everyone for your wise words. I know in my head that No Contact is the only way to heal. I try and try, then I break down and cry because I want to talk to him. It doesn't work. He is NOT my husband anymore. I keep repeating that over and over in my head. He has been gone for 5 months now. Our divorce will be final by the end of June, making our separation 6 months.

Our grand daughter is graduating high school this week. Her open house is Saturday. My parents and a couple of my siblings are coming to the ceremony and open house. He wants to be there but won't sit with the family. I spoke to my mother-in-law and she just made me cry. My daughter says that she does that because my husband is her child and she will stick up for him no matter what. Daughter says I shouldn't even talk to her.

I cried all day yesterday. Uncontrollable sobs. I went to the cemetery and sat at my daughters grave side and sobbed until I couldn't any more. I know that my separation is short compared to some of you but everyone that knows me thinks I should move on by now. That the crying needs to STOP. I just can't control the feelings I have. I really am trying.

Funny thing for me is.....I used to get panic attacks while married. They have disappeared since he left. Hhhhmmmmm go figure.