Good for you for telling that assclown to hit the road. Panic attacks are serious. I used to have them too, and I did not know what they were. So happy that you are doing better now. I love the no contact rule. Stand up for yourself, my friend. Keep on telling him to get lost, it is so liberating. Hugs

I'm trying to keep it simple. I can only take care of me. Which is hard sometimes.

they kept you for 5 days for a panic attack??? was it the psych ward>??? i have never heard of that before
i grt panic attacks sometimes too so anm just wondering??? hope you are better now

I had a few panic attacks after my daughters passing. They're awful. Good for you for starting to take care of you. Yes it's hard, but it gets easier with practice. Take care of yourself and get better.

Panic attacks SUCK. Mine went into overdrive during divorce and then estrangement from my own adult kids.

Hang in there.

One day at a time!!! Keep taking care of yourself!

I'm glad you're feeling better. Even more glad that you cut off your ex! Best medicine for all that ails us!

lemaym1.wordpress.com/

The five days in the hospital was the wake up call you needed that your stbx is an unhealthy part of your life.

Now, stay No Contact. You have to look out for yourself.

Hugs!

Sadmom51, yes it was a psych ward. I took sleeping pills. they determined I was a danger to myself and others. I guess I threatened to run the girlfriend over with my car when I was out of it. I can't believe I said that out loud, but apparently I did.

I am trying so hard to go no contact. It is killing me. All I want is to see and talk to him. Its been 4 days now since I saw him. One day at a time is all I can do right now. I am trying to take care of myself. Go to alanon meetings and talk to my sponsor.

Not crying today so far. Trying to stay strong. I don't feel very strong right now. Shaky.

Thanks everyone.

You are doing one of the hardest things by doing the no contact but soon, you will see the difference in your emotions. I so remember where you are at and I kept going back and forth with the no contact and that is worse than anything. When I finally did no contact no matter what, within a couple of weeks I already felt better. It still was really hard but It was almost like I got my sanity back. Hang strong and keep posting on here if it helps. Even if it's every day. We are all here for you.

Remember, we've all been there. We know first hand the pain you are in. Big hugs

So grateful you got some help and support. Don't forget, you don't have to be the strong one. Let your higher power take the strain.
All you have to do is say is I'm not contacting him this day, hour, minute.... whatever you need to pass it up right now. It will get easier with time. Thinking of you today.

thanks caligirl,
I need to remember that you all have been there. It is very hard to remember this. Sometimes I feel that I am the only one that is going through these awful feelings. That is why I isolate myself so much.

I had to talk to him last night over the bankruptcy. I met with lawyer and he gave me a list of things that I need from him. He was very angry over the list. He kept saying no to me. I told him in order to clear our house from the lien that the bank put on it he needs to file with me. I made the contact as short as possible. He then left me alone. That was a first.

So today is another day. So far no contact.

Thanks MNMama,
I feel like everyone wants me to or expects me to be strong. I am trying to turn my situation over to my Higher Power. I forget that I can do this. It makes sense to let it go but I have been programed to cling to everything with ALL my might. It is a hard thing to break.

I do count the minutes, hours, days ... it is very hard. He has been apart of my life for so long. I have counted on him for much of my struggles in life. Now I have to go cold turkey. It feels like heroin.

hullibee...that is a very good way to look at it...you are going through withdrawls and he is your fix...that's the analogy I also adopted. Going no contact was the hardest thing I have ever had to do..it was worse than quitting smoking. Going no contact took more determination, concentration and emotional upheaval. However..as the others have mentioned...it is the best thing you can do for yourself. One day at a time...you can do this!

hulibee I too have panic attacks and they are horrible. As I read your post I do remember being as distraught as you. It was a horrible state of disbelief. I too said things that I could of been locked up for. It is just no one heard them. I promise you this does eventually get better then where you are right now. I went to a psychiatrist for some serious meds to cope. Have you seen one I highly suggest it to get through the trauma. All I can say is I know you feel alone but I was where you are. I needed the meds I felt I was going to hurt myself or someone else.

I NOW DON'T FEEL THAT WAY..........It will pass eventually but your not alone........really