I used to come in to DS a lot, then got locked out somehow and gave up trying to get back in...but today it worked, and i'm glad, because I am feeling way overwhelmed.
I have been in T for a long time, more than 10 years, and I have worked with someone who took me through being suicidal, cutting, anorexia, and discovery of my internal world...we started EMDR last fall (after he went to get the training to help me deal with some of the triggers that we could just never get anywhere with). Then my insurance changed January 1, and I cannot afford the $400 p/wk visits (they are 2 hrs). My husband has grown in tolerance of my need for T (since the early days when every week he wanted ot know if "i was almost done"), but can't see the financial benefit when i seem so much better now--he knows so very little of what I am working on. Literally in the last month doing EMDR i have had images of my father abusing me from preschool age (in addition to what i already knew of my brother's abuse of me from 11-16 when i ran away from home) I'm trying to mske sense of those pictures, but just cant' accept them yet..
i'm not just going in to chat every week--we are working toward specific goals, and i do feel like i continue to improve even though there is still more to do.
i tried appealing the insurance decision but they denied the out of network exception (since there's no one else in our network who offers Christian therapy AND specializes in Dissociation or EMDR I think i have a case, and am going to consult a lawyer and reapply, but the chances of that going through are low). Meanwhile, since January, we've been paying out of pocket, expecting the appeal to go through. So we are behind several thousand dollars and my husband doesn't want me to make it more w/o hope of it being reimbursed.
My T will work with me on that--but I don't want to ask him to cover it--I know that's not right. However, I'm not in a position to pay it either.
I feel helpless and terrified. I want to cry, but am afraid to start.
I see him tomorrow...and i don't know if i'm supposed to be trying to figure out how to suddenly stop going?
I retire in 8 weeks from my job of 25 years...I'm scared I'm losing my therapist, I feel guilty for needing our family to pay for more therapy, but terrified to go without it.
any advice or thoughts...i welcome it.