Disenfranchised Grief Community Group
This group is for those who have lost someone or something and it is not socially acceptable to grieve the loss. There are many examples: Loss of a home, loss of a job, loss of a favorite actor/actress/musician/artist/author/public figure who you didn't know personally, loss of a friend, loss of an ex-spouse, or loss of a child through adoption or abortion or...
His last words to me... "Be Strong" I don't know if I can... :'(
The pain is unbearable. I miss him so much. My heart is heavy as though it has been ripped from my chest.
He was my best friend and the love of my life. He brought great joy into my life.
Unfortunately, we are both married so our love was kept a secret. Maybe not a well kept secret as I am certain our spouses and co-workers suspected. Carrying on the affair was difficult for me as I struggled with the lying, cheating, sneaking around and possibility of being caught. I even thought about ending it due to the stress and guilt I felt but couldn't because our love had became too poweful. I felt I as if could not live without him. I still do... But now I have no choice, as he passed away suddenly last week, just three months after being diagnosed with a horrible type of cancer. I could not be there to love and support him in his dying days and it tears me apart.
He wanted very much to share his life with me and was ready and willing to give up everything just to be with me but I could not find the courage and strength to do the same. More recently, before the cancer diagnosis, I was to the point where I thought I could leave my marriage as I could not bear to be away from him anymore.
I wanted the world to know how much I loved and cared for him. He was the most wonderful person I have ever known. He was kind, compassionate and caring, always willing to help out those in need. He had a huge heart and a great sense of humour. He loved life and helping people and he loved me. I would sometimes ask him "Why me?" as I did not feel worthy of his love. We shared hopes and dreams of a simple life together doing the things we loved like taking long walks, holding hands and snuggling, talking for hours and sharing a cold beer. A hug from him would melt my heart. I loved everything about him. He made me feel alive and happy and when I was with him, the world was a better place.
Now, as I look back, I think... If I had had the strength to leave my marriage to be with him, at least we would have had some time together to share our love openly and completely. I feel we could have packed a lifetime of true love in these last few years but I took too long and now he's gone and all that is left are my memories. I don't even have a picture to cry over and I am afraid of losing the memory of his wonderful smile and beautiful blue eyes.
There is a memorial service for him this coming Sunday. I want to go but am not sure if I would be welcome. I'm am also afraid that if I go I won't be able to hold back my profound grief around his family and our past co-workers.
He was my everything. I feel so alone. The best part of me has died with him. I will cling to his memory and hope that someday we will be together again.
My last words to him... "I Love You" ... and I always will.
The pain is unbearable. I miss him so much. My heart is heavy as though it has been ripped from my chest.
He was my best friend and the love of my life. He brought great joy into my life.
Unfortunately, we are both married so our love was kept a secret. Maybe not a well kept secret as I am certain our spouses and co-workers suspected. Carrying on the affair was difficult for me as I struggled with the lying, cheating, sneaking around and possibility of being caught. I even thought about ending it due to the stress and guilt I felt but couldn't because our love had became too poweful. I felt I as if could not live without him. I still do... But now I have no choice, as he passed away suddenly last week, just three months after being diagnosed with a horrible type of cancer. I could not be there to love and support him in his dying days and it tears me apart.
He wanted very much to share his life with me and was ready and willing to give up everything just to be with me but I could not find the courage and strength to do the same. More recently, before the cancer diagnosis, I was to the point where I thought I could leave my marriage as I could not bear to be away from him anymore.
I wanted the world to know how much I loved and cared for him. He was the most wonderful person I have ever known. He was kind, compassionate and caring, always willing to help out those in need. He had a huge heart and a great sense of humour. He loved life and helping people and he loved me. I would sometimes ask him "Why me?" as I did not feel worthy of his love. We shared hopes and dreams of a simple life together doing the things we loved like taking long walks, holding hands and snuggling, talking for hours and sharing a cold beer. A hug from him would melt my heart. I loved everything about him. He made me feel alive and happy and when I was with him, the world was a better place.
Now, as I look back, I think... If I had had the strength to leave my marriage to be with him, at least we would have had some time together to share our love openly and completely. I feel we could have packed a lifetime of true love in these last few years but I took too long and now he's gone and all that is left are my memories. I don't even have a picture to cry over and I am afraid of losing the memory of his wonderful smile and beautiful blue eyes.
There is a memorial service for him this coming Sunday. I want to go but am not sure if I would be welcome. I'm am also afraid that if I go I won't be able to hold back my profound grief around his family and our past co-workers.
He was my everything. I feel so alone. The best part of me has died with him. I will cling to his memory and hope that someday we will be together again.
My last words to him... "I Love You" ... and I always will.
deleted_user
How are you doing now?
ksumomof4
I feel like I'm reading my own story here. I was with the love of my life off and on for 18 years and he is slipping away slowly as a result of colon cancer. He said the same words to me "Be strong", my situation is a little more complex because he is also my ex-brother-in-law. My husband's sister's ex-husband. We weren't looking for an affair but it just happened. We spend so much time together that we just fell in love with each other. I live about 3 hours away and it's killing me not knowing if he's still here or not, the kids all knew we had been together but everyone thought it was over years ago. I hate to keep calling them or texting them to check on him but I'm dying inside! My husband and one of my daughters know about the past affair also. My daughter is finding it hard to see me hurt so badly over this whole thing but also wants to be faithful to her father because he was the one "hurt" in this relationship. (which isn't 100% true, but that's another story). Our families are very close - even after the "coming out of the relationship", so he was probably the closest uncle my kids have known. I'm not making any since here because my mind keeps wandering to him and how he is doing. Bottom line is we were in love for many years, he divorced his wife but I could never find the courage to leave my husband.... I was always worried about the kids and how his and my kids would be affected by us if we were to get together and then for some reason split up.... I just couldn't do it to the kids!! We broke up several times over the years, all of the times were my doing and I was just trying to cut him loose so he could find someone and be happy.... little did I know it was just me that made him happy! His ex-wife is still very close with him and he is in hospice care at her house (my sister-in-law), I was up there last weekend and she was very open to me helping with his care, so I was able to spend a lot of time with him then, but now he's in the final "sleep" stages and I don't know when he will go .... this is killing me! I find myself checking my phone 1000 times a day to make sure I haven't missed any calls or texts from the kids. I find myself jolting awake in panic when I drift into too deep of a sleep.... I'm a mess right now! How did you heal? (I apologize for the mixed up message - I haven't been able to think straight for the past two weeks - since he took the sudden turn for the worse).
ksumomof4
My secret love passed away last Friday night. I arrived at the house around 7:15 and spent at least an hour sitting by his bed holding his hand talking to him. I think I am at peace with his passing, because he passed just 15-20 minutes after I left the house that night. I can't help but feel strongly that he was waiting to hear my voice one last time before he passed away. I think knowing in my heart that he waited for me (still after 18 years of waiting) gave me a kind of peace in my heart. I will forever miss him and I'm sure I have a roller coaster of emotions ahead of me. The funeral is tomorrow and since I'm family I will be there.... I'm not sure what my reactions may be. RIP MDM <3
GGD2015
I notice there are no recent posts on here. I'm just curious why and wondering if you are all still here and how you are all doing? Posting anything about my story is so out of my comfort zone and I'm not sure I can do it yet. Just scared, alone and searching for healing.
HisSnowQ
GGD2015 I had a recent loss as well and stumbled across this forum. He was someone I knew for close to 20 years and he went very quick in the end. I was lucky enough to attend the funeral because no one knew we were in love. I am having a tough time healing because there is no one to discuss my pain with since I want to honor his memory and keep our secret.
GGD2015
I never had closure of a funeral. I'm in counseling which has helped but my life is such a mess. I dont feel comfortable in sharing my story on any of these websites. I pray daily that I go as well. In some ways my faith is greater, in others I question everything.
HisSnowQ
I am sorry you never had closure but pleased to hear you are in counseling. May I ask how long you have been grieving? I am only about 2 months into my grief and there are some days the pain is as raw as the day I lost him.
GGD2015
My world stopped on March 2 2016.
HisSnowQ
I thought I would start to be less weepy as its been 10 weeks but I still miss him. I feel like he is on vacation and keep expecting him to call me. I called the cemetery where he was laid to rest to find the location of his grave and I can't bring myself to go. I found myself watching old videos of him yesterday, we had a wonderful friendship and that is what I miss most.
GGD2015
I don't check this this sight often but wonder how you're doing thru the Holidays. So incredibly difficult. Thinking of you.
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