I was doing really well, working out at least 5-6 days a week, eating right, and losing a couple of pounds. Then I went to visit my father and missed four days at the gym. The first night I was there he ordered pizza. I didn't eat terribly, but I did eat things I shouldn't. When I got home, my mother came home from food shopping with 95% of the things I can't eat. I felt really bad about myself and fell into a bit of a funk. I had a terrible headache and used that as an excuse to not go to the gym. That continued for exactly six days. In those six days I started to binge eat and watch Netflix. I barely left my bed let alone my room. I avoided my gym buddy and chugged soda and felt terrible about myself. I stepped on the scale today and gained back the couple of pounds I lost. I feel defeated, but I know I only have myself to blame. I could have found healthier things to eat in the house, although there are not many. I could have avoided the temptation of everything in my house. I made excuses all week, and I know it's my fault. It's so much easier when the people in my house are on board. I have a 13 year old sister who wants to eat healthy but can't because of my mother. I promised her that once I got my financial aid, I would start cooking for the both of us. My mom gets mad when she doesn't eat what she cooks, but she's going to have to suck it up and deal with it. No one should be forced to eat things that they can't have or don't like.

Funny story about the soda thing: (Well, not really funny, actually quite sad) My mom bought a case of soda cans. I had one with lunch. My mother came home and noticed that a bunch of cans were in the recyclable. She asked who drank all the soda, and my brother said, "Ask her" referring to me. (Meanwhile he was drinking them all day) She scoffed and said she wasn't going to buy them anymore if they were going to go in a day or two. After that comment I drank the rest of them and I ate whatever I wanted because I was so upset. Just because I am the fat one in the family doesn't mean that I'm the one who drinks and eats everything. But since they blamed me, I decided to just do it. Stupid, right? Sometimes I hate my brother...

I go back to school in exactly one week. I will most likely get my financial aid by then. Then I will be able to buy what I need in order to stay on track. I'm going to push myself this week to get back on track with the gym. I have about $70 to my name until next week so I am going to try and buy a couple things to get me through the next couple of days.

I can't let other people get me down anymore.. I will never better my life or heath if I continue to let them get me down..

Sorry for the rant.. This is the only place I feel safe being honest about my feelings..

-C