Hugs, my friend. I was diagnosed with type one 3 years ago. Yep, I was almost 64 too. You have to monitor your blood. There is no two ways about it. Right now I know that I am pretty low and I will be checking. I am sure that you were told that you do not want to fool around with it. diabetics are some of the healthiest eaters because we are forced to. But that does not mean that we cannot enjoy cake and chocolate. Exercise does help.

Welcome to the group, Sam! I think it's pretty common to go through a period of denial, especially during the teen years. Are you taking steps to control your diabetes now, or still trying to come to terms with the fact that you have it? Either way, we're glad you're here!

Hi Sam, can we be pen pals or something? That sounds so cheesy, but I think we have a lot in common just from reading your post. I also have a problem with ignoring my diabetes. Actually I have a problem of ignoring all of my problems in general but that's for me to talk out in therapy. ;P

Like you, I have become accustomed to being ill more often than not. I'm pretty sure I don't know what I'm supposed to feel like anymore. Even my good days are still probably what others would describe as feeling miserable. People have become used to my frequent hospital stints and missing work all the time. I've had clinical depression since a teenager, but I'm really good at faking being well so not even my family knows how bad it really is. My boyfriend of two years is just now starting to realize how I'm able to placate and manipulate or even just straight up lie about testing and taking my insulin to convince people I'm doing okay or "better."

However, the complications are getting worse and worse and every time I try to be motivated to take control, I never follow through and stick with it. It's been so hard for me and even after 14 years of living with this disease, I have not developed the tools or diligence needed to keep my diabetes in check. Basically, I'm a train wreck, and while my therapist is helping me address some of my issues, someone without diabetes or other chronic disease(s) will never fully understand the weight of it all. Maybe we can help each other. :)

Hi Tawnee,
I would like to be pen pals with you, and I think it will definitely be helpful for the both of us. Wow your post really hit home when you said even your good days are what others would describe as miserable. This is very true for me as well, and it leaves a bitterness in my heart, because I know no one can help me but myself. It's like my own body betrayed me and is imprisoning me. I'm trying to work on this bitterness; it's hard to 'suck it up' but I'm feeling helpless having diabetes anyway so I know I don't want to feel helpless from illnesses I've brought on myself because of my choice to ignore my diabetes. Hopefully we can help eachother out.

Thanks Ladybug7 and Atpeacemary for your replies and advice. I'm only starting to see my endocrinologist for the first time in years so it's one step at a time for me right now. You're right about exercise helping, and I've been thinking of jogging because the weather has been picking up lately and I need to stop being a lazy couch potato. I should also work on teaching myself moderation though- like wow! I fress a lot when I'm stressed, so I'd better learn to be satisfied with just one bite of chocolate cake. Thanks for your advice and welcome!

That's great! Honestly, that's a really big step, so don't sell yourself short. I know how easy it is to just ignore doctors and appointments because you already know what they are going to say to you. You've heard it before and you don't want to hear it again because the guilt or shame you may feel because of it.

Making an appointment with doctor means you not only are staring your problem in the face instead of ignoring it, but you are allowing someone to monitor your progress and keep you accountable, which is huge. Best advice I can give you, learn to forgive yourself for the years of neglecting your health. It's so easy to blame yourself for the situation you're in, but I promise it makes changing and getting better so much harder. Focus on the little achievements like setting up a doctor's appointment for the first time in years, and don't think about everything that you still need to improve upon. One day at a time, one step at a time. I'm really proud of you for taking this step, Sam. <3