Hi mypugglesx2,

There are some places that do inpatient (and outpatient) programs like this one: http://www.crouse.org/services/outpatient/diabetes/ which is located in Syracuse,NY (I picked that one as I was guessing from your profile that you are somewhere in NY?). However, most are outpatient. In my town there are also face to face support groups which may or may not help him as well.

Im afraid to say though that the lack of response you are getting might be due to the fact your adult son isnt the one calling. Given his age most places wont let you enroll him and would have to speak direct with him anyway.

His not calling is showing a lack of initiative and unfortunately a lot of these programs are already booked out for several months with people who greatly desire and have a drive to change versus ones who are shoved into it and will for the most part will waste the opportunity for a lack of better words. Its also not cheap and insurances often dont cover it. Some I have looked into were $3,000 or more and that was for just 4 days.

Other options to help with the fear of lows are getting a CGMS (continuous glucose monitor). This might be an option especially if he is testing a lot. It doesnt replace testing and the results can be off but for those of us who like seeing a trend of which way our sugars are going and need a crutch to lean on it can help. You dont have to be on an insulin pump to use one either although the best benefits come from having the combo. Again, not cheap and insurance may or may not cover it.

A third option is getting/training a certified hypo alert dog. I have found my dog to be more accurate at detecting the onset of a hypo than my CGMS, however, it also took around $20K to train and certify her so she could go anywhere. Each state is a little different as to what the dog has to be able to do in order to be certified as an assistance dog. Also all dogs arent suited to be a hypo alert dog so do a lot of research before investing in this option.

Hope he can find a healthy balance and thanks for being a concerned mom I know I appreciate mine (even though at times we think they are overprotective, overreactive, and just plain annoying ;-) )!

Thank you so much for your reply. And, I do agree with you, I figured I was going to get responses asking why he isn't asking these questions himself. But, as his mother it is extremely difficult to sit back and watch your child destroy his life right in front of you no matter how old they are. I talk with him constantly about this and he always says he will do this or that but never follows through and ends up back in this rut. He has been hospitalized 3 times with DKA and come home with a new attitude but it doesn't last long.

He has agreed to go to a "program" but if it actually comes right down to it I don't know if he would do it. He did so well with his diabetes for the first 3 years then it all went downhill from there. he counts carbs, watches closely what he eats but to "protect" himself from a low he doesn't take enough insulin.

I feel like I am watching him slowly kill himself and it tears me up. Yes, some can call it a selfish act on his part but when you are depressed, angry and full of anxiety its not selfish. Everybody copes differently.

I appreciate your link, I will check it out and show it to him. Who knows what will come of it. Thanks again :)

I think I understand your anxiety as the mother of a diabetic.

The continuous glucose monitor could help him relax. Those highs, as you know, is doing damage. As for the dog suggestion, my daughter has one and it not only helps her but is a great relief for me.

A dog solution would depend a lot on his disposition and how he feels about dogs. A dog becomes a best buddy and in Florida has no restrictions as to where it can go. I believe this is a federal, not a state law.

Since he is staying home, not working, a counseling would probably be best.

Hope things work out and he comes to realize what he is doing.
Betty V

Hallo

What is it specifically he is afraid of? Passing out? Being hospitalised? Can't be that as he has repeatedly been hospitalised with ketones which is much worse, and isn't bothered. The physical sensations of a hypo? Being caught out with no sugar to treat it?

Are there safeguards you can put in place to ease his anxiety? He could make a check list to run through before he goes out each day, including food, strips, insulin, meter, etc so he reassures himself he is prepared. Does he have treatment for serious hypos, like the injection or the sugar paste to rub inside your cheek? Order several of these for home, car etc and get him to set reminders on his phone to make sure they are in date. If he has plenty of supplies and is organised that might help him. Also invest in medical alert jewellery and a wallet card so if he does collapse it is clear he is a diabetic. Make him set reminders on his phone to check his blood sugar frequently throughout the day.

I have to be honest, I don't think it is helping to do everything for him. I mean, don't you want your own life? Even if you are happy to do this, it isn't helping him. Some day you won't be there any more. By doing this you are allowing him to run away from his problems. If you could have such an easy life, doing nothing all day while someone else worked hard to bring in money then came home and did all the chores and then managed your health for you as well, wouldn't you want to keep things as they are? Why would he choose to take on the hard work if he didn't have to? You have to stop doing things for him. If he doesn't bother attending appointments, his decision. If he doesn't want to take insulin, his decision. Make it clear you will support him and help, but not do things for him. Sit with him while he calls, but he has to call, not you.

I have to say I don't think inpatient programs would work. He might just nod and not listen, then come home and expect you to take up where the doctors left off. He has to manage his own condition and make his own mistakes. He is 24, he has to grow up, and you have to let him, IMO. The doctors cannot parent him.

Would tough love work? If he has a computer and/or TV in his room, sell them to pay for his keep. Give him access to the communal TV and computer on completion of daily tasks set by you. Just easy things at first, like buying milk or setting the table, can earn half an hour, if he wants more he can do more complex things like shopping for and cooking the evening meal for the family, or filling in an application form for a job. When my sister and I struggled, my mum sent us out with a phone book and told us to come back when we had achieved something, whether we requested an application pack for a job or rang and organised unpaid voluntary experience. Make sure he does the task, if he comes back without having done it, send him out again. Remove the cable from the TV and charger from the computer so he cannot use them. If he complains, give him the local paper and tell him to find rented accommodation. If he wants to stay under your roof, he lives by your rules. Don't forget to reward and praise him if he completes his tasks.

It might help to allow him to have a supervised hypo. Ask the nurse first, maybe do it in her office. Let his blood sugar go down until he gets warning signs. Then he tests. Bear in mind at first his blood sugar may be normal or even high and yet he may have hypo signals - if he is used to being very high, a medium/normal blood sugar will feel low to him. Allow him to go a little low, keep testing, treat when he needs to. Show him it is nothing to worry about. Kind of like if someone is scared of spiders and gets confronted with one to stop the phobia. I think they call it aversion therapy. Make him face his fears and show him there is nothing to be scared of.

I am sorry if this sounds harsh. It is only my opinion and of course you are free to ignore it. I don't mean to offend anyone. This must be impossibly hard for you and there is no easy answer.

Hi Lizzie,
I am not offended by your suggestions, I asked for advice but I possibly didn't go into enough detail. As for the chores, he does all the housework, he also mows our huge lawn with a push mower for exercise.
He has his license but stopped driving over a year ago due to anxieties. Something I did not mention is he has continuous diarrhea. It started a couple years back and it was about 10 times a day. Now that he has started to improve with his numbers he doesn't go as much but still has the problem. He has been tested for celiac, he has had a colonoscopy and results were good. Dr said possibly from high sugars. He does go to his dr apps and he does make all his own calls without me reminding him.

What is he afraid of? He has had his sugar drop to 28-30 and it scared the hell out of him as I'm sure it would with anyone. I believe it's the fear that he won't catch it in time and he will die. Sorry, but I'm being honest here. When you suggest him being prepared I have to laugh because he is more prepared than he needs to be. He has all his stash plus some. He had to get an approval from his dr for the insurance to cover 250 test strips a month, he tests every hour and if he feels low, every 10 minutes. This all is due to anxiety disorder which he developed since diagnosed when he turned 17.

As for inpatient programs...I wasn't expecting a dr to parent him. I was merely suggesting this for him to be re-educated. This is something an inpatient program would be designed to do, certainly not parenting him.

He was bothered by the DKA which is why his numbers have improved. He hasn't been hospitalized in over 2 years.

His diabetes consumes him.

Thank you for your reply, I appreciate your suggestions.