It really takes a while to be able to stop the negative thoughts. GoodGod helped me so when went she said - be gentle with yourself.
If you fall off the positive thought train - it's ok. Be gentle with you cuz you are still learning. Get back on. Over and over it may happen but do not give up. After a while when the thoughts start - you will be able to tell them to shut up.
I can stop them now most of the time. I think of them as my enemy or the bullies from my childhood. I am older now and don't need to take that crap anymore. I get pretty mad and firm now when they start.
I immediately replace them with good thoughts. It helps me a lot to come here and get a recharge of positive attitude too.

Another approach that I find is useful is to try to tune into the negative thoughts (half the time you don't realise they are there) and see what these negative thoughts are saying realise that they have no basis in reality.

For example:
I am stupid - but you know you were good at school
I always screw things up - so how come you have nice kids and a loving relationship
People have much better lives than I do - when you just heard somebodies son went to jail

The next step is to try to replace the specific negative thoughts with positive ones
I am stupid - actually I am quite bright
I always screw things up - usually I do a good job
People have much better lives than I do - actually my life is quite good.

I wholeheartedly agree with SimonM's approach. I acknowledge the negative thought and turn it around and around so I can get a good look at it. And then I put the positive spin on it. Yeah, it takes some time but it will soon become second nature.

support, I agree with everyone so far. It isnt always easy just to replace a negative thought with a positive thought. After you do some homework it is more likely that using "instant" positive affirmation will work.

Because of my bipolar disorder my brain is usually moving with the speed of light. It isnt possible to sort negative and positive in an instant. I have found that if I jot down my negative thoughts when I have them, keeping a list, I can meditate on it later. In the past, I have taken my list and done what Simon explained.

I look at each negative and try to understand where it came from, then I rationalize the positive difference. In the beginning it was necessary for me to do this often, actually daily. The outcome is that eventually, because you have meditated on the negatives and found their positive counterpart, it is easier to replace your negative thoughts with positive ones in an instant because you already know your positive response.

When I meditate, I sit, uninterupted, in a quiet space. It doesnt have to be for a long time. The homework you are doing is internal and you are giving yourself an opportunity to "think" about those thoughts that come so natural to you. You are learning to replace those negative natural thoughts with positive natural thoughts.

You may find that you drift back to your childhood and the basis for your negative thoughts. This is not always a bad thing. Sometimes we have to revisit our past to allow ourselves to move forward.

One thing I might add that I learned to be very important in self realization and positive affirmation. Dont compare yourself to others in your positive affirmations or your contemplation of your negative thoughts. Always try to find the positive within yourself for who you are as a person, not who you are to someone else or what someone else has going on in their life. What I mean is if you are thinking something negative of yourself, dont think something negative of someone else to feel more positive about you. Believe your affirmations and they will become natural to you.

Sorry to go on so long, sometimes I need many words to get my spinning thoughts in order. If you have any questions, please PM me.

I agree wholheartedly with Gecko. This isnt an overnight experience. I takes some time and effort. I know how hard you are working and I think you are absolutely amazing. You have no fear of asking what you need to and that takes alot of courage and desire. Hugs

I struggle with negative self-talk more than any other issue. It is probably the main reason I sought out a counselor/life coach to help me out. She has taught me so much, but I think the most important thing I've learned so far is this: You can't have negative thoughts and positive thoughts at the same time. She says its impossible. She has all sorts of positive self-talk practices, affirmations, etc. that she's taught me about, but sometimes, when the negativity hits me like a bat on the head, I can't always remember to go to my "tool-box" and pick out an affirmation card to read.

So this is what I do...and it really really works. When I realize that I'm going down that path, whether its 30 seconds down the path or 2 hours down the path, I immediately say something positive...whatever it is. Like, the sun is shining bright today, or my coffee was sure yummy this morning, I love my soft bed, my dog is so cute, thank God I don't live with chronic pain. Whatever. It doesn't matter what it is, it just matters that its positive. Its always very random because my mind and my heart aren't focusing on the positive right that minute, so I just grasp at whatever little thing comes to my mind. And I keep doing it over and over until it seems silly or funny, but I don't stop until I start to feel better.

It honestly works. It doesn't take me to "Happy Land", but it does stop the negativity cycle. Then I can begin to get some perspective on whatever it is I'm being so negative about and it can get a little better.

And like others have said, it isn't an overnight process. We've carved deep thought patterns into our minds and changing the directions of those thought patterns takes time. We need to be patient and very loving with ourselves as we move forward down the new positive roads in our lives.

God bless you all.

Something that just came to me recently: I don't have children but I do have cats. Since I haven't been successful using affirmations, I decided to try using my memories of some of the silly things that one of them does. Just one thing, like Echo seeking out ways to get wet. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy, and displaces the negativity. I also think about how unconditionally those cats love me, and that helps too. I know this probably sounds strange, but it has been working for me.

Erphile, it doesnt sound strange at all. We have to do what works for us. I admire you for finding what works for you and using it to help you feel better. The most important thing is to first make ourselves "aware" and you have done that and replace the negative thoughts with positive ones.

Penny, those are great thoughts because you do what you can to immediately replace your negative thoughts with positive ones. I have to remember that for the days I am struggling. I would love to find "Happy Land" wouldnt you? Smile

That would make a great story, a journey through "Happy Land". Maybe you could come up with a thread about our journey to "Happy Land" and how we creatively get there. Something fun to do.

Hugs

I agree with all.

What a great idea to imagine that our negative thoughts are something/someone we don't care for, ie the bullies that Gecko referred to.

Shelly4's first reply is how I work with dealing with negative thoughts. The only difference for me is that instead of writing them down and working through them all or part of the list, I try and figure out where the neg thought came from right away...usually from a long time of lousy history...acknowledge that it's there, then I am able to replace it with a positive thought.

Also, most often, I have been in the situation that I'm worrying about before. How did I deal with it successfully? Can I implement that approach now?

I also have a loving husband who helps me get these negative thoughts into perspective. He reminds me that each negative thought is about a situation that is passing as we speak. Will I look back on today in say a year and find that it was an important part of my life as a whole? Usually not.

Life is large and thoughts are immeasurable in number. Putting them in perspective really helps me.

One of the things that I do is write down the positive thoughts (a short list on a post it, or something like that) and I stick them at my desk (near my keyboard). I find that I struggle most with the negative self talk at work as the day wears on. When ever I need to, I just look down and see the positive words, and that helps me a lot. I've been working on this personally for the past six months, and I definitely feel a difference. Although I still have the negative thoughts. It's easier for me to stop that downward spiral and open up about my feelings.