I love the innocent brutal truth of children.
I also see that general chit chat amongst adults is because there are times.. especially when children are around.. that an in-depth conversation isn't always appropriate.
Some people need to warm into the heat of in-depth conversation and chitchat makes them feel more comfortable.
For me.. life is about compromising my 'wants' to make others feel comfortable and gently leading people to overcome their fears and insecurities. I try to empower them by being interested in all aspects of their lives so that they can learn to trust my genuine care of them.
I would be interested to learn of what Uncle Ted thinks of his son because I value him as a human being.
I too have a desire to relate to people on a deep level but I find that they may not be so easily open to this as I am.
Enjoy the children.. and remember that thanksgiving is all about the Pilgrim fathers who shared their food with native Indians before they slaughtered them.
When you are not worried about being judged.. you will be set free to be interested in other peoples needs and insecurities.
I could have ignored this and stayed within my comfort zone of my 'there there' response; but as someone who has suffered from people who are not willing to talk to me on a level that makes me feel comfortable.. until I gained the willpower and strength to be accepted as a human being.. warts and all.. which in turn taught me to recognise we are not all able to be accepted as who people think we should be.. I will speak up for the 'insignificant' people who struggle with the challenges of being able to discuss the meaning of life at every opportunity.
This is actually a reaction to events that lead a friend to attemp suicide today because no one seemed to care about their 'petty insignificant' contributions to this world and not really a criticism of you.
Vent over
Logi

You are awesome Support. You are so real. Tell the kids a joke for me. Kids seem to love that. Happy Turkey day!! Hugs

There are times, depending on the circumstances, that I feel this way. I have had anxiety about going to my brothers tomorrow. But, I realize how important it is to let go of what I want and allow others into my space. It is important to give others the opportunity to love me the way they know how to. I feel grateful that I have family to spend Thanksgiving with and that we love each other. The things that might seem insignificant to me are most likely important in some way to them.

I make a point to try to spend some time with everyone, adults and children. I dont see them as often as I would like and I think it is important to make those connections. It is what makes our family close even when we have our differences.

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family tomorrow support. Hugs

I will take the point and allow others to love me the way they know how. Good point! I need to just let go and just let people be....somethong I'm not particularly good at yet. I will be aware of that tomorrow and try and not judge anyone (including myself).

I love the chitchat of Thanksgiving. It is a time for me to get all caught up. I really miss my family though and am just hoping to fit in with my guys family. I am thankful that I have a place to go - but sad that it is not with my family. I am trying to stay positive because I feel like such an outsider.

Yestarday, I spoke to my father. I was afraid to speak to him because of that exasperated tone that he has when I have been irresponsable.

I thought that we might end up arguing because in my new frame of mind I wasn't going to let him put me down.

Yet when he spoke to me, there was no harshness to his tone at all only love. I have no other way to describe this than to say that it was a miracle (I apolagise to anybody who thinks I am using this word inappropriately).

After peliminaries we spoke about the fact that I had been irrisponsable in not claiming £4100.00 that was due to me but to my supprise my father was 100% understanding of my situation and only wanted to help me get the money that was due to me, there was no attempt to berate me for my stupidity.

He told me that he was proud of what I had achieved and how in his own life he was sad that he had not got one of the novels published that he had written. I told him about the articles I had written on positive thinking and he was very interested in reading them. He told me that I was talking in a deep way and he did not think he was ready to understand everything I was saying yet but that he was willing to learn.

I suggested he turned a couple of his early novels into e-books and distribute them free on the internet that way he could discover whether there was a demand for his work and maybe convince publishers to print some of his other books.

He was very interested in this, telling me that the most important thing for him was just having people read what he had to write.

In the end I had almost written my father off thinking that he would never change but now I see that he has started on the path towards enlightenment.

'Let he who have no sin cast the first stone.' I had no right to judge my father and my heart feels warm knowing that my judgement was false.

Sometimes the lord works in mysterious ways.

Sorry that this turned out to be such a long and rambling post but I leave you all with one thought. Always leave the door open in any relationship because there is always the posibility that the other person will see the light.

PS: Support,

I seem to have to learn the lesson that I have to set aside my pride again and again the above story is just another example. I try not to judge the actions of others, but I am only human and I also try not to judge myself for allowing this temptetion to get the better of me.

In the end I just have to accept that these events are happening in order to make me a better person.

I think that this post of mine has been a big eye-opener. In the replies I have come to see that every reaction that I have to someone else is a direct reflection on myself. I have trouble listening about other's home improvements because I csn't afford them myself. I have a real hard time hearing about the complaints of others about their relatives because I have such strong feelings about my own father that I have yet to express. I feel most comfortable with children because I can just be and the kids don't force me to face my own issues. While this is easier for me, it is not necessarily the most healthly option for me. I think it is important for me to look at the feelings that others bring up in me, and when I feel ready, to begin to confront them.

Logical, your response brought out a point of view that I had not considered before and I appreciate you sharing it with me. I hope that you do not decide to leave this group because of what you felt you replied to my post. I am looking for all points of view, even if it is dificult for me to hear sometimes, so that I can improve myself.

I am a beginning work in progress, but the only way that I will truly move forward is to listen to ev eryone's points of view and consider them all.

What you have said is very brave support and I am really proud of you for saying it when I read what you said here it almost made me want to cry because I felt what you were going through in admitting these things to yourself.

I feel like I have gone through this process 20 times now may be more and I wish I could say it will be easier the next time for you when you have to learn something like this about yourself but it will not. What I can promise you though is that the burden that I know you now feel has been lifted from you will stay lifted.

Yes, you are still a work in progress as we all are but you are not a beginning work in progress anymore, you just graduated to the next level of enlightenment. You just learned a very important lesson, that anything about anybody's attitude says more about them than the person it is directed towards.

I am so pleased with what you have acomplished.

...and I went to Thanksgiving and enjoyed all the people (adults and children) and valued them for just being, without judging them. As a result I enjoyed the day more than ever before, and I felt much more relaxed. And I seemed much more able to share more of my genuine self. I was just being me.

I am really glad you were able to enjoy your thanksgiving support. Did you have a nice meal, I hope you ate some turkey and crambery sauce for me I wasn't able to be at home for thanksgiving.

supportplease.. I apologise for replying to you so harshly. I have no excuse for that and I am humbled by your kindness towards me.
I am delighted that you had a much better day than you expected..
I worry about being 'me' sometimes.. unfortunately I'm not good at pretending and I seem to pop out weather I want to or not.
We are all different.. we are all equal
sending you my genuine care
Logi

Logi, I wholeheartedly accept your gracious appology. As I have learned from the wonderful people in this DAPA group, we all need to be gentle on ourself. Your repsonse to my post was from your heart and I actually learned alot about myself from what you said. I don't want only sugar-coated responses, because I really want to be able to take a genuine look at myself and grow as much as I can.

I actually am somewhat envious of you, Logi, because you don't pretend who you are...I'm so good at pretending that I now have to learn who I truly am!

For my whole life, I pushed my true emotions down inside myself because I had to be brave as a child and sort of "take care" of my parent's emotional needs. As a result, I never allowed myself to express how I really felt. Now I am in the process of trying to learn how to feel...and it scares me alot.

The reason for my post, originally, was to express how I felt in reaction to all the different personalities at Thanksgiving dinner. What I learned from all the responses is that each person brought out another fear of mine and that my responses to other people is really a reflection of how I feel.

supp.. would you consider me as a friend?
I would like that

Logi, I would be honored to be your friend!