Hope you are doing ok Olivia. I am "hangin in"....

Tell you what, these therapist (no offence) do not know what they are doing. They are taught from a usual plan. I bet none of them have experienced an impulsive control disorder like skin picking, anxiety, or even depression. I studied the body language of a so called counsellor yesterday, and he hardly made any eye contact, and yet I felt I could read him more than he read me. I completely understand the dark thoughts, the thoughts of wanting to die, the thoughts of feeling ugly and worthless. I feel this almost every day, but you are making progress. I am so sorry that you were molested, but it takes great courage to bring these dark memories to the surface. You are on the step to healing, and you're doing it all yourself. Be proud of yourself. I have tried probably about twenty remedies to stop skin picking, including an Iboga dose, but none of it has worked. I did manage to stop once for a week after trying Sa Ta Na Ma meditation, but alas I failed. You can always talk to me. I hid away with this problem for 10+ years. Still my family don't understand, they say "just stop." Yes, but it's an obsession. It feels good, but then it doesn't feel good to see the ugly marks afterward. I must rub pure alcohol into my skin at least twenty times a day. I wash my hands and then pick again. My back is a bloody mess, as are my legs. I can tell you something that did help my anxiety, but it will require much willpower - a water fast. I managed six days, but holy shit I weened myself off Prozac, invested in a juicer, and am feeling far better than two weeks ago, but the depression is still there. Tell those nasty demon voices that what they say isn't true. You are beautiful inside and out. This false reality of beauty seen in the magazines is not designed to last. It's just to make us dream and buy. all bullshit.

@ audaciousang~
Thanks for your words of kindness & wisdom. I am so very sorry for what you (and everyone on here) are going through as well. As I look back at the original post I wrote 2 years ago, I am so deeply saddened by it. I have come a long way with picking in general over the past couple of years, but, I just had a bit of a relapse this weekend. Nothing as major as what I originally wrote about, but I could feel myself sliding down a slippery slope for sure. I don't think we will ever find a "cure" for our obsessive need to pick, but, maybe we will find strength and hope within others to keep moving forward, minute by minute. Message me anytime you need help, or someone to listen. :)

I want to thank everyone who's opened up here about some extremely intimate stuff. I too was molested as a child, and violence was the order of the day in my home. Sometimes I think I'm punishing myself by picking; it is self abuse after all. But at the time, when I get into the picking trance, I just think I have to smooth out the bumps on my skin. And as many of you have written here, it feels good to do it. What doesn't feel good is the horrible embarrassment afterward. The copious amounts of makeup I have to slather on before leaving the house. I used to be so pretty. Now my legs, butt, and face are absolutely covered in little scabs.
I do have some good news to share though; I made it another day without picking. Last night I wrote that I hadn't picked all day, which I'm sure you all can relate to as a minor miracle! In the middle of the night I woke up picking my face, so I started my day count again this morning. I like the idea of having an end date. It takes away any wiggle room that can destroy my resolve. It's more simple to have it be black and white. I don't pick anywhere, ever, for any reason. Punto. End of story. Tonight I'm going to wear socks on my hands to keep it from happening again.
Here's something key; if I do make a mistake and pick (whether it's a little or a full on trance session), I will try to see that with gentle, compassionate honesty and start again with my day count. Beating myself up about "relapsing" will only make things worse. My goal is to become a good, kind friend to myself, no matter what. My truest self is sweet, generous, funny, easily delighted, and determined to live in joy. The skin picking is one of many coping mechanisms that cover up my core self, the real me.
So ladies (and men if there are any reading this), may we all be gentle and kind to ourselves. We've suffered enough at our own hands. It's time to love ourselves out of this vicious cycle!
Thanks for reading, everyone, and for being brave enough to tell your stories.