Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
hello. I’m new to this group. Basic info. I’m 34. Have been married to my amazing husband for almost ten years. A 17 year old son who will be graduating in January. A 9 year old daughter who is so smart and determined. I had a device put in my heart to fix a hole 8.5 years ago. Found out this past June that I am allergic to nickel and the heart device is 45% nickel. Had open heart surgery 8 weeks ago. Had a birthday last month. I had numerous allergic reactions to the devise that caused other problems that required surgery including a hysterectomy at 27 that I didn’t want, but everything was falling out. I knew I could never get pregnant again, so there went my dream of a third child. I’ve had my bladder sown in, my back vaginal wall collapse needing to be cut open and stitch back up, half of a kidney removed, chronic constipation, headache every day all day on a scale of 1-10 the average was a 5-6, frequent migraines that would cause loss of speech and paralysis.
Thats me in a nut shell. And self harm since I was 11 years old. The cutting has become almost non existent, but I have burned myself a few times this year.
Im not sure what else I want to say right now. There is so much to vent about, but I can’t find the energy to type much more.
How can one feel completely alone when I have two kids, a husband, caring parents, a caring sister, and a few long time friends that I have know fot 13 years but don’t see each other much and text every few weeks or so? I have no one to talk to that can understand the way I feel. The thought of being dead seems comforting at times though I would never kill myself. I feel as if I’m worthless. On restrictions since open heart surgery. Can’t drive. Can’t lift more than a milk jug and that’s only to pour and put back in the fridge. I can walk, but that’s about it, but I can’t walk my dogs go fear that they might pull me. I’m a hermit. I have left my house less than ten times in two months. And my husband has been working straight graves that are 13:5 hour shifts at least four days a week. He has been doing a EVERYTHING I do because I can’t. He takes the kids to school, does all the house and yard work, does laundry, and cares for me and our kids. Like I said, I feel worthless. And I lied. I guess I did have the energy to type some more. But I’m done for now.
So much more to express and vent, but I’m done for now.
Cutting though is something I sorta understand as I almost shot myself a couple of months ago, would have been successful this time. Being driven to the point where you come to realize the pain can only be stopped in one way. I stopped taking the non-psych med that caused this problem and am still feeling incapacitated. However, I have come to accept that being alive is its own reward. I cannot walk without a cane now and have had the constipation problem for 35 years following a 7 month nightmare in chemotherapy. Incidentally, I gave the gun to my brother at the very last day I thought I could take no more. What I went through had helped me understand "cutting" and I wish I could help on that front.
Age has hit me hard this year and I may not be able to ride my bike as I have for 35 years too. Now I look for enjoyment in cruising the net and streaming classical music while I do it. When I see people dealing with other medical imcapacitions I think how are the doing it. Now I am more aware of the why and not the how. I am alive and can still find joy in pleasant memories. Some days are harder than others and I wish the same for you in coming to an understanding.
I cannot relate to all that you’re experiencing, but I can relate to having a wonderful husband, great kids and still feeling empty. However, my marriage ended and my family is fractured. I would love to say that my husband was amazing. I am happy for you and love that God has gifted you with such a great life partner. I have a friend that has similar chronic health issues and she allows me to pray for her when she is fearful and overwhelmed. I am hoping that you can find comfort in your local church and invite women to come alongside and encourage you. It may feel strange at first and that’s the biggest step. Letting someone in and personally/face-to-face sharing your difficulties will allow others to bless you and also be blessed by you. I lived a very isolated life when I was your age, and if I had known that I could have had a personal relationship with God at the age of 34, it would have been a huge blessing to me, my marriage and my children. In this world there are many seasons of uncertainty, but I have discovered through my faith that GOD keeps HIS PROMISE to never leave us nor forsake us. You are VALUED and TREASURED by the Creator of the Universe and I hope you ask Him to show you the fullness of life He speaks of in His Word.