Hello, Mrmw111. I am glad you are out of an abusive marriage.

>>i have almost everything a man will ever want in life.

WOW. You are a pretty fortunate guy.

You have heard about doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. No problem seeking another relationship ... and settling down again ... just do it differently this time.

(Marriage) relationships are like fishing. Catch a bad one, throw it back in. Catch a good one, keep it. So .... on the next round, give it enough time to find out if its a keeper or not. NO CHILDREN until you know.

Retiring in a month, All that opportunity to meet MANY potentials ... unless you stow away inside that big house.

You think all you have are lemons ... make lemonade.

I think you need a few new hobbies. How old are your kids ? Volunteer . Come on you seem like a bright guy so you should be more proactive. Park the couple thing for the moment

Hello, well done for leaving an abusive relationship. I know how difficult that can be especially at our age : ) . I am still trying but there always seems to be some reason to stay - old dog, grandchildren, holiday booked etc etc.
what struck me about your message is where you talk about being lonely. I believe that the loneliest you feel is when you are in a bad relationship where there is no emotional connection and it feels like you will never get out.

The one thing you have is hope, tomorrow is a new day and the world is your oyster. You have got out of that relationship and tomorrow could be so promising for you , you just have to get out there. I don't mean look for another relationship but find some purpose, do volunteering, join group cleaning up the beach, join a choir, go back to college, learn a new language, work in a shelter, visit old peoples home and speak to lonely people there... There is so much. You have done the hard part and that takes courage and bravery. Love and look after yourself and you will find the way .
Good luck with your new journey and adventure.

By Jeanette winterson: what is it I have to tell myself again and again ? That there is always a new beginning , a different end. I can change the story. I am the story. Begin.

Life is like a book or play. different scenes or chapters.. a door has closed for you and a new one will open. Most times our lonely times are not when alone, but with someone... think about it. & cottontail said a lot above.. Only difference is, we have choice to write our book or play in life. we have CHOICE to make a CHANGE and take a CHANCE in life. OR when one scene ends or chapter is finished, we choose to stay on'' intermission'' and not move forward. but the choice is ours.. make some new friendships with kids doing things with other single parents. try new hobby... always meet that way..but friendships first.. When you are not looking, is when someone special usually comes a long.. . * you least expect it.. Retiring so young with home and all a guy could need or want... you are already blessed..

@oldkittycat thank you for your nice words.

@cottontail
thank you so much, i am glad i came up here today.

I am sorry that happened to you. Right now, you need to give yourself time to heal from that abusive marriage. There is nothing wrong with being alone at this time in your life. You have to learn how to take care of yourself and love yourself.
You will eventually be in a relationship; but right now, take care of yourself.

Hey Max!

A long term marriage is something that takes awhile to get over. You're kind a unique case where you're the man...who's taking time out to get over his relationship and the trauma of the abuse.

Most scenarios are one in which the husband leaves the wife for someone younger and she's left with all the wounds and healing to do.

I will tell you this. There are many, many, many women who are similar in age to yourself...who hare in the second scenario I described. These are loyal, family oriented, smart, kind, and often successful women...who were discarded for mistresses and midlife crisis.

They too feel too old to get back out there...and are sitting in their huge beautiful homes...waiting for someone JUST LIKE YOU!

Someone who understands what an abusive marriage can do. Someone who can appreciate a woman within a decade of their age range.

When you're ready...join some local groups, volunteer, online date. I think once you put yourself out there...you will see that you don't have to be lonely!

Sending you light and love!

I'll start with, are you a Christian? What's your backstory if so?

I am all too familiar with that feeling of loneliness. And I do think cottontail has brought up an interesting point. Like her, I am still currently "stuck" in that bad emotionless relationship and that also is incredibly lonely too.

I think when we go through a rough time or any type of abuse, it does haunt us and can shy us away from growing close to another again. I think all above do make good points. For you to get back out there and around other people would probably be a very good thing. Things and new friends to focus on may just lead you to that next step (or someone special who is looking for the same thing... and another to share it with. )

It does sound like you are very fortunate and have a lot to be thankful for. I send thoughts and prayers that you may fill that emptiness with friends , family and good times. (and eventually all that is missing) Hugs.. .

I’m lonely too. My past relationships were abusive in many ways. I feel they’ve changed me to feeling like I can’t connect with anyone. My kids are older and I’m alone with my career. I would have rather had love, but it always just gets my hopes up and I end up with heartache.
I hope you work through the pain of your past and find someone deserving of your trust.

Congrats at the ending of that abusive relationship. Try to recognize that that alone was a huge step! You took a step for yourself. That is one hard thing for victims of abuse to do. I think a huge thing for you to do is fully take back your life and define who you are. I would love to talk more in how to do so!

sorry you are feeling bad. congrats though on getting to retirement and having the house. those are really positive things. I hope you can work your way through this hard time and find happiness again soon.

Hello Max,
I am glad that you had the courage to leave the abusive relationship. I know how you feel about being glad that you are out of the relationship but are very apprehensive about making the leap (or putting yourself out there for fear of being hurt.) But at some point you have to try putting yourself in different environments and meet new people. (I am working on that myself. Also congrats on the retirement!!