I struggle with that same fear of being alone. It is a hard pill to swallow at times. People can tell that I'm great, smart, funny, etc. etc., but I still have this sinking feeling that this is it. Childhood emotional abuse partially explains why I have such a hard time with relationships. I tend to blame myself. Truthfully, there is nothing I can do to make someone like me. So I am left to love myself (which is a struggle) and try to live for something more than relationships. Sometimes it's really hard wanting something I feel like can't have. Anyway, I can relate and thanks for sharing. Sorry you are going through it too. Also, one thing to consider (even though it seems insignificant at times) is that it's better to be alone and practice self-care than to find yourself in a toxic situation.

I feel the same...

You keep trying and failing, and begin to lose hope...

That's where I'm at... I've lost all hope... And the few people I have in my life just keep leaving once they know about my depression.

I wish I could give you some good advice, but I can't...

But what I can offer is somebody to talk to. It's usually helped me... Up until I get ignored because of it... But I would never do that to anyone, especially knowing how it feels

You're not alone in you're feelings, I have recently tried online dating after breaking myself away from an abusive relationship. I also have been dealing with depression for as long as I can remember... the same thing happens to me... I am so afraid of never being able to find someone. I'm 24 and after being in a 6 year relationship that failed miserably i'm afraid I lost out on my one chance to have someone for me....

sorry i didn't mean to make your pain or confusion about me or my own experiences. I just want you to know that I have some sense of where you are coming from, and if you want someone to vent to, who shares in some of your same fears, who understands what its like to be depressed... you can always message me.

It's not an issue of justice. You have to let go of thinking it's karma or some kind of punishment. It's up there with eye colour, or whether today is cloudy or sunny. You are alone because there is nobody else there. If you don't like it, you have to change it.

:) Learn. Learn from every time things go wrong. And every time things go right.

At first thank you all for your kind words, means a lot to see that I'm not the only one on this.

jerraw81 - I know I'm much better by myself than I was with him, I fell lighter, and in someway free. I know its better to start again. but this fear is much to me.

Tim_h2004 - They say we should not lose hope, but I know how it is, I want to have hope, but I just cant. I also dont have any kind of advise, except the one jerraw81 gave, its better to be alone than in a abusive relationship, and to love yourself.

GiveLifeAnotherChance - We have almost the same story, I was with him for 5 years, have forgive a lot of things, and then one day, he decide something that I couldnt go forward, even with that I tried, but thats when the emotional abuse started. I had so much fear that he was the only chance that I have that I would have stayed if he let me. But now, I know that I'm better without him, even with this empthyness and hopeless in my heart.

bridgie101 - I'm trying to learn where I made things wrong, trying to acept that I didnt messed the things. And trying to change with therapy and happy thoughts, but in the inner me, I dont belive anymore.

I am 71 years old ... and can give some advice ... I am sure. A person in their twenties cannot realize how much is going to happen to and for them from within their future. I recognize the fear of lonliness. When I was young, I would do practically anything to keep from BEING alone. I hated it. Today, I spend most of my time alone. I don't mind it at all. What did I do to overcome this? Nothing in particular. TIME did it for me. I know ... this does absolutely nothing for those in this thread who are young, alone, and afraid of it. What it DOES do is allow you to drop the fear of it.

Do the math ... at 25 years old, you have had ROUGHLY 25% of your life 'done'. You have 75% left. That is comparitivly a lot of life yet to go. Of course 'now' leads to the future, so you DO want to 'arrange' your life NOW so that your future can be the way you want it as much as possible. So .. if you do not want to be alone .. drop the fear and begin to figure out how to not be.

That is a little bit unrealistic though .. because you WILL be alone at times ... it is unavoidable.

Here is how I suggest you handle this. When you look at someone, you are seeing a reflection of them. What you reflect is what others will see. Most people who 'hate' being alone hate it because the person they are with (theirself) is not that likeable to them. HUH? Yeah. It is called self esteem.

If you have low self esteem it is likely you will have trouble having/getting relationships. I could go on forever on this, but suffice to say ... STUDY self esteem and understand its value and how to deveop it. There are many books on the subject and of course the Internet has many resourced. IT IS CRUCIAL in order to establish good relationships. SELF ESTEEM is your initial target. Hit that and your concern has a good chance of resolving.

Just want to say somethine else. I am a man. I am a 'good guy'. I am 71 and have learned some things.

You young women are more vulnerable to getting hurt than any other age group. DATING is something we should all do when appropriate, but ... men, IN GENERAL, are sexually motivated to attain sex from females. It is NATURE. Being a man, I know the motivation men have toward young women ... or old women, or ANY woman for that matter and it is strongest when they are between oh .. 17 and uh ... maybe 50 or older. This is not a fatal situation ... it has been that way since we started walking upright if not before ... but as time moves on, so does our situation. TODAY .. mainly with 'online', I worry about women seeking one thing and getting another ... ONLINE. Not ALL men are conniving. There are (enough) good men around, but when it come to the Internet, it is a wild jungle out there, and women must be very 'strong' ... KNOW that a lot of men are sex hounds and you WILL encounter them. They will be as charming as whatever you dream about ... but enjoy the experience (dinner, movie, HIM, .. whatever) and know that he is either what you want or NOT

Damn .... hit send too soon.
what you want or NOT. You have to 'find out' ... so fear not, be wise, and not in a hurry. Be a bit skeptical but not too much. Keep in mind YOU might be looking for one thing and He looking for something else. I don't want to kibosh the idea of dating. Just be wise.

So .. in closing,.. drop the fear, learn to love yourself, be 'wise', and go get 'em. You make some changes .. be fearless, and YOU WIN.

Here is exactly what I was talking about:

https://www.dailystrength.org/group/depression/discussion/i-cut-the-cord

I  am so sorry you are struggling with loneliness and the fear of being alone.  So many people     struggle with this issues, so in a sense you are not alone in your experience.     

    I am a bit older than you and can say that in my experience I would find something in life that interested me and then do my best to focus on something positive. 

    I have found that doing your best to stay positive will help heal your soul.  It is easier said than done I realize this.  Again, so sorry things are difficult for you.  I will be thinking of you often and will keep you in my prayers.

Being alone is a blessing. Accept it, Build a life of your own, on your own. You do not need another person to make a life for yourself.

Lucy you've made two major errors with your OP which if you don't unmake them will doom your life. It's how you conceive of stuff. How you stack the world up.

"Why do I deserve to be alone"

error no. 1. Deserve. That's a justice question. As in, I stole from you so I deserve to have you take it back. Being alone is morally neutral. It's not a justice question. It has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with morality. It's like saying 'why do I deserve to have no coffee?' There's no deserving. If you want coffee, buy it. If you don't want coffee, don't buy it. But wanting to know why you deserve to have no coffee is an extra layer of complication on top of what is essentially profoundly basic and simple. I suppose if we were being really pedantic we could argue that you 'deserve' to have no coffee if you won't buy any. But it's academic. The point is the universe is not punishing you by not dropping coffee in your lap. You won't get coffee till you go get the coffee.

2. "why".

Why questions often presuppose truth. To ask why you deserve to be alone, you have to presuppose that you deserve to be alone; which we have just ascertained is as bogus as 'why do I deserve to have a cat' or 'why do I deserve to breathe.'

I could just as easily reply with 'why do you hate america?' - the usual internet response. Someone who does not hate America has no way to answer the question. "Have you stopped beating your children yet?" Is another fun one. The innocent person cannot answer the question.

The presupposition of the truth of another thing has been hidden in the question. But it is not a given. You could benefit from doing a first year philosophy course so that you can start to identify when you are hiding premisses and prior conclusions from yourself. Then you can establish the facts prior to asking why.

Hello wanderingVet - thanks to your post, I know the risks of online dating, thats one of the things that I'm afraid of, thats why I've imposing to me, that if someday happen to meet someone over there, it will be in a public place with my friends. Dont worry about that. Actually the hole ideia to be on the dating app was to get more confident, and get some self-esteem.

PAcountrygirl - I'm trying to be optimist something that I'm not, but I'm trying, to find things that will give some motive to my life. But its very hard.

Bettyrunge - I know being alone its easier, and that I dont nobody at my side to be happy, but that wasa something I wanted from my hole life. A family. Since mine is so destructive, maybe I could create a better one. A loving family. A suportive family. I know I can have kids anyway, I can adopt. But its not going to be the same.

bridgie101 - You have touched exactly on the two main issues that I try to hide even from myself. Thats something I'm questioning myself even when I was younger. The deserve part - I know I'm a good loving person, someone that its worth the investment, but besides my ex, nobody ever notice that. When I was younger I've tryed everything to be notice, on my way of course, being discreet, and calm, very different then the girls of my age. I also had fear of parties and meeting new people, what of course didnt help. But on this phase of my life I was facing everything, even in panic. Today, I dont see why try, because all my efforts were in vain. The why part - I've suffer bullying since forever, and with a very protective mother, which requires to much from me, I've a very low self-esteem, and now I know that my fear on meeting new people, going to parties is social phobia, probably caused by the bullying. It created on me a image that I dont have any kind of worth. Its something that I fight everyday, and I'm treating with therapy and now medicine.
The correct question maybe it would be why I dont any results on my efforts ?

Thank you all for your kinds words, I can see that I worth something, and that I'm not alone

I used to work so hard to have hope. "Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops at all." I kept this in my mind all the time. Fighting to find and keep hold of hope. Lately I've realized that having hope only leads to disappointment. If you have no expectation - you are less likely to be disappointed.

lol I've always considered hope the bad thing out of pandora's box, because it denies the status quo. it's a lie, a false expectation. A dream that things will change without our own hard work.

Let me tell you where I come from in this. Bullied at school as a child, molested by the stepfather, I came out of my childhood without a lot of self esteem. I actually came out anxious and depressed but I'd never felt any different so didn't know it was a disorder of any kind. I just felt it and tried to carry on.

This led to a kind of self subjugation. And a kind of Harlequin romance way of operating. I had my dignity. I had my standards. I wouldn't stoop from them, I tried to be wonderful and let the world see my wonderfulness. Nobody did.

It's not a thing. it's only a thing in romance novels. I think to actually gain happiness in life we have to let go of all of the dreams and beliefs and hopes that we have, throw them in a bin and light a match to them. And then we have to build ourselves up from the ground. From the very ground.

When i was young I read a biography called "Cheaper by the Dozen" that is absolutely NOTHING like the heinous waste of space movie, but involved a family whose father was a time & motion studies professional. This gripped me, and I taught myself to break tasks down when they were too hard. Is it too hard? Break it down. How can we break this task apart?

If you are scared of driving, I'd say sit in the car, back it out of the garage. Put it back in the garage. next day? Do it again. Do it till you're bored. Then back it out of teh garaage and onto the street. Drive down your street. Drive back, park it.

You see what I mean? I mean there's always a smaller step. If a step terrifies you, there's always a smaller step you can take that does not terrify you. Don't throw yourself in the deep end forcing yourself through hell. Find a smaller bite you can take of the elephant sandwich. Figure out what you can do.

As to self esteem? I don't know why people bang on about it so much. i really don't. It's a non-thing. It only exists when we talk about it. When you're alone, drawing a picture, where's your self esteem? Ain't no such thing in the room.

Just do you. let your self esteem do whatever it's going to do in its own time. leave it alone and maybe it'll leave you alone. Just look at what interests you, and go towards it.

We let ourselves get tangled up in definitions, analyses, explanations. They're all bollocks. All there is in the world is what you are going to do today. That's all there actually is.

Bridggie101 is absolutely right self esteem is something you have to come to in your own time and way although reading about it helps I've always had high self esteem until my second husband who is very emotionally abusive trying to get out of that as we speak but therapy helped me become stronger and self realization take the time that you have now that your alone and know who you are I'm 49 I have a 25 year old son and he is alone meaning no girlfriend and he's not one of those I use a girl for sex in fact it's the other way around and he is fed up he jokingly tells me mom you raised me wrong you raised me with morals and values and it seems like that's not what women want I told him most of them do you just have to find the right one and believe me he has no self esteem issues but the same is true for everyone sometimes we look to hard to find someone and once you stop looking so hard they will find you you are worth something and when you are in a depression that is so hard to believe and the mental abuse makes it harder hang in there and rediscover your self