Depression Support Group
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I lost my dad at the age of 9 , I am now 17 , 18 shortly , I feel so empty inside. I've never got over my dad' death every day just seems to get worse and worse , it breaks my heart because I can' remmeber anything from my childhood , I can barely remember my own dad
Firstly nothing has gone wrong if bad things happen, that's life. If people were 100% healthy and obeyed the rules not to abuse then A LOT of suffering in the world wouldn't happen. sometimes bad ideas and ill people ruin life for a lot of people. Take patriarchy, bad idea, has oppressed and harmed millions. We become aware of it fight it. The law bans it. Slowly the culture changes... Hopefully.
That's why we need people on the firing lines fighting bad ideas. If you want to take up a cause to end something that harmed your dad then go for it.
Alternatively nothing wrong has happened and nothing bad has happened if you mean your dad dying. That is programmed into life by a creator? And it happens to us all. That's just apart of life.
I know what it's like to watch sometime die and to feel like they didn't deserve that. I guess our feelings aren't so rational at times, because who suggested that he did deserve to suffer and dying was a punishment? No one.
Unfortunately in our culture we don't learn the important things in life like how to understand death, rituals in comforting and supporting the dying person, rituals and comfort to process grief... Etc
I experienced a hugely intense attachment ending for me and going downhill to the depths of depression and disconnection after the loss. I never recovered. Shit happened and I was hospitalised and the medication and therapy I received healed me from the pain of this huge loss.
Now if I really think about this person I will connect with inconsolable grief, but I know to distract myself and immediately feel ok again. It probably always will hurt me to think of her. So I just don't think about the pain of her loss. Though I can now think of some of the ok times together
So I really recommend that you take some medication at the very least. If you can't remember your childhood it might mean that it was perceived as traumatic?? I mean the loss would have been awful. Not sure. But I hear people get their memories back through long term therapy
Perhaps ask your mum to get out the photo album and talk about your dad and things you all did together or your siblings?
You can reach a point where this loss no longer affects you and only upsets you if you really purposely think about it.
You can once again enjoy life
I would really suggest getting some help, my downward spiral took me to rock bottom. You wouldn't believe me if I said there is no bottom to the depths
So don't go there x
I hope you feel better soon hun, try and find a partner to love once you get some treatment, it will be a soothing balm to the soul
All the best to you
Good things happen too...always have...we just have to look to see them.
My ex's husband's grandfather told a story about his mother. Well over a hundred years ago, she lost 2 of her 3 children to the flu...within 2 weeks. Little Willie and Little Joey 4 and 2 years old. If it wasn't for her 1 year old Mary, she didn't know if she'd go on.
But she did, and a couple years after that gave birth to Harry...my ex husband's grandfather Pap. Pap lived to age 98...he was independent, driving, with a full social life up until 2 weeks before he died of the flu.
It was probably the best funeral I've ever been to...a real celebration of life.
I can't tell you why you've gone through what you've gone through. I'm atheist...I can't even tell you it's all god's plan or any such thing. If there's a heaven, neither I nor my kids are going.
But LIFE is worth something. Your life is as important as mine, as important as Pap's, as important as my kids.
YOU have worth. Maybe you'll take the pain that you've been through to help others. It's your choice.
My heart is completely with you as you go through these times, Patti
Did you get some sort of therapy at the time? I fear that many families tend to ignore the needs of children at a time like that, hoping that the child is too young to have any real issues to work through.
Nothing could be further from the truth! We all have issues to go through when we lose a loved one.
The good news is that it is never too late to work through the issues.
Please consider making a list of everybody who knew your dad, and keep track of who is able/willing to talk to you about him. His parents may not be able, but your mom's parents may be helpful. Once you find somebody, consider getting a video camera and taping some interviews with them.
Another source of information may be friends of his; they may have known him well, yet were not so close that they are still devastated at his loss.