Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I have been anxious for as long as I can remember. I can recall instances as a small child that induced instant panic. I had my first true panic attack around 11-12. While I’m sure I had some anxiety in between it wasn’t until a year after my dad passed that it really set in. I was 26 years old. I was a newlywed of one week and just returned home from my honeymoon. My father had been gone for a year and the pain of not having him to walk me down the aisle always lingered. A certain phone call one Friday turned my world upside down yet again. Luckily my father-in-law was going to be okay, but the dreaded phone call was all too similar to the call I received the night my father passed.
My dad became ill at the age of 40. He was terribly unhealthy and ignored his health issues for many years. He suffered from several small strokes from uncontrolled high blood pressure and later destroyed his kidney function from noncompliance with medications. He was on dialysis and it turned his once youthful body into a elderly old man.This is a hard pill for me to swallow as I am a nurse practitioner and feel some responsibility. At the time he was alive I was a nurse and my father was resistant to any guidance I had to offer.
Today would have been his 57th birthday. It’s been nearly six years since his death and it still hurts to use the past tense when speaking about him. So much has changed in that short time and yet the pain remains the same. I have been quite emotional over the past couple days and very symptomatic- panic attacks, constant aches and pains, mood swings, lots of crying. In addition, I am a hypochondriac and have been trying to associate every sensation with a diagnosis. Sometimes I feel like me knowledge of medicine is a burden to myself. While I love my profession and helping others, I feel like I’m the one that suffers the most. Hoping these days will soon pass. I have done a lot of soul searching in the past couples weeks, started back on my antidepressant, and am in counseling. Everyday is a struggle and I wake up dreading the return of these feelings and sensations.
Just had to get that all out :)
