I know these feelings. One thing that helped me was an audiobook "Living a Life of Inner Peace" by Eckhart Tolle. Eventually I have gotten more and more in to meditation and deep breathing exercises. I truly believe this all has saved my life. Start with an investment in the Tolle audiobook. When you're looking for the next process to try, investigate Wim Hof and his method of breathing techniques (wimhofmethod.com)

Thanks !

Your family haven't made you dark. Not understanding has made you dark. First you have to cry, to accept and adjust. And then you have to accept a bit more, and then eventually you understand.

Go ahead and ask questions to people about the things you can't understand. Go ahead and raise the issues. Go ahead and open those cans of worms. They're better open and cleaned up (with a bit of work) than jammed in there with the lid on, breeding.

you're doing great. Feeling awful is part of this process. You just hang on in there and trust to human nature that this pressure is a valid part of your life. :)

Sorry that you are going through a rough season right now. Have hope that you will get through this and do better. Why do you say that you're not a good girl? Have you done something bad that's hard to get over? Or have your parents told you or or are treating you like you're bad?

Although I don't know the specifics of your situation, I do know about wishing I could forget everything and peace seeming like an impossible goal to reach. Many of my issues stem from my family, and decades later something that happened can still make me either full of rage or full of depression, take your pick. What I am starting to learn is that my personal "darkness" involves feeling dis-empowered. When I feel I can't change something or rewrite the past or that no one is listening to me or cares, I feel I have lost all my power as an individual to not feel stuck or to turn off the old tapes. Or yes, to change other people (which no one can do). I don't have all the answers, but when a wave of depression comes along, I try to remind myself that this is me feeling dis-empowered, and it helps me to deal with it. I'll pray for you.

We must all experience the valleys of life....know that you are on the way toward a mountaintop. The valleys are hard...and seem very depressing, and long, hard...but, a mountaintop is on the way. Stick with it. Learn your lesson....move on....the past makes who and what you are today....but, you don't live there anymore.

I don't know, girl...just keep putting a loving vibe out there in the universe...some way, somehow, love will be returned to you...but beware of predatory types who use you! You can't make everyone happy. You are sinking deep into yourself right now trying to figure out what makes YOU happy...and this is good!

Thanks guys for your advice , right now i don't know what i'll do with my life , my family ( my uncle , aunt and cousins ) they attacked me in a point that my only defense was close my heart and be cruel with them , if now i have depression was them fault . But i hope my situation will change .

I hope you feel better soon. My thoughts and prayers go out to you. Don't give up on yourself.

Sorry you can't blame anyone for your depression. You cannot blame another human for your choices. If you change your way of functioning and blame only yourself for what you do, and only others for what they do, it becomes simpler.

You can't blame another person for being cruel. you are the one who did it. You can't blame others for you being depressed: this is your private journey. You have to travel this road alone.

For as long as you blame others you won't ever gain the kind of power you need to overcome your depression. You need to operate with full personal power. And that means full personal blame.

Thanks Sosegado , bridgie101 you are in a good point i've been working in stop to blame the others peoples and start to see things more clear.