>>so why the hell do I do it?

addicted?

That and i'm trying to self medicate...
When I drink, it is the only thing that stops my OCD. Still, the consequences are more panic attacks and feeling like shit all of the time. I also know that going out drinking is a social event for me as well.

Drinking isn't the best idea. Last time I did that and mixed alcohol with meds I broke my hand and was in hospital and bashing my head against a wall. The doctors then locked the doors and stopped me from leaving. I don't suggest drinking too much. Go out and have fun but not uncontrollable fun.

i completely lost my will to drink during the couple years i took anti-depressants.

ive been off of them for like 8 years now, and i still cant talk myself into drinking.

i have alcohol... got a few beers, and a few fifths of my favorites... and i want to drink them... but when it comes time to actually grab it and drink it... i simply fail to do so

i just dont understand it

I don't like the way alcohol makes me feel so I don't use it.

The problem for me is that one of the only times when I see friends is at clubs and bars. I clearly have had a drinking problem since I was about 24. Being that I am in perfect health (or so doctors say), I think to myself that the only consequence is a hangover the next day and perhaps a panic attack (which is actually a big deal). I think I just need to remind myself that I AM on a lot of medication and adding alcohol to the mix just makes it that much harder for my body to process everything. I'm trying to tell myself about the possibility that this may have on my liver and that pushing it to work overtime is bad news.

As for the OCD, sure it may help when I am drinking...but it is always temporary and my mind always goes haywire the next day, so drinking clearly isn't a fix.

I think what I need is a group of friends that don't drink so I don't feel any pressure.

There have been plenty of times where I have gone without alcohol. Last time I talked about quitting on this board I went two and a half months without a drink. Then, I just thought to myself...well, a single glass of a very week wine like Moscato will be fine. Then, one week later, I decide that I am fine with Moscato, so why not Shiraz or a heavier wine. Two weeks later, it's back to long islands and wild turkey. So yeah...moderation and drinking weaker alcohol does not seem to be the solution.

I once went an entire two years without a drink. I have O'Douls to thank for that. Perhaps it's back to the ol non alcoholic beer for me. Otherwise, it is just a vicious circle which always ends with me colliding into a brick wall.

BTW- Zoloft REALLLLY makes me extra sensitive to alcohol way more than Lexapro did. This is clearly a dangerous habit that needs to stop. Yet, I have the feeling that one again, I will be back on this board talking about how I got sick off of a glass of wine again.

Ugh...i'm gonna miss the local goth club, but being that I know the workers and owner, perhaps I can get them to stock up on O'Douls for me. Heck, if I am lucky, perhaps I can get some support from my friends there and have a 'sobriety for Kuno' party for me. Sure, everyone else will be hammered, but as long as I have an O'Douls hopefully I will manage. Plus, i'll have hubby to steer me away from temptation. He always goes sober when I do. Good supporter.