Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hi everyone. I hope no one minds if I just write this out.
The past 3 years I've been processing and dealing with anxiety and depression but have been living with it (in denial/unaware) almost my whole life. Recently I've come to realize that my father was a narcissist and that ruined me... I received only conditional love from him and was put down every single day of my life, called the most horrible names you could call a child, threatened, but never physically abused I must have you know however it doesn't take away from the emotional torture that words cause, especially from a parent figure. Anyways my father doesn't believe in mental health. He's more of a "pull your bootstraps on and keep goin" kind of man. I always tried to respect him but he always gets inside my head and I really dislike him. He never said I love you, still doesn't. He never hugged me or showed affection, only sabotaged any good environment we wound up in and brurally verbally abused my mother. Growing up was hard, but I survived. Ive been seeing a therapist now for 3 months and she really has been able to validate my feelings, experiences and lately I feel like I'm making progress towards understanding. What is self-esteem cause I don't know yet.
Sone how I end up in toxic environments and I'm sad and angry. I just moved in with my boyfriend and his best friend; we all get along really well and have very healthy relationships.... so I thought 3 months ago. As if graduating from college and moving during quarantine wasn't hard enough, two weeks after we move in he tells me that he is severely attracted to me and has a love for me that he hasn't felt since his last girlfriend tore him to pieces, literally. WHAT THE FUCK. Not even two days later, he is hospitalized for suicidal ideation/ attempt and is diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder. All the while I'm processing childhood trauma, trying to be there for HIM and also really confused and pissed off that he told me, guilty because my boyfriend is truly the purest soul and doesn't deserve to be in the dark and so now what?
Fast forward 3 weeks later. I'm doing the dishes and roommate is cooking dinner, my boyfriend is working. All of a sudden my legs go numb and my heart is beating faster than I've ever felt and then there it is. The panic attack that was waiting to happen. AND THEN HE TRIES TO COMFORT ME.
Two days later here we are. I was prescribed Lexapro and today was day one. I had heart palpitations, loss of appetite, nausea and weird euphoria. I'm a mess right. How about we're ordering food and I was like nah I'm not hungry I think it's this medication maybe and roommate says "you're on medication now? For what?" I said I have major depression disorder and GAD (eVenmo though I've told him) and he says "no I don't think that's what you have. In order to feel that way something has to have happened to you." I just thought that was the most arrogant and disrespectful thing to say, especially coming from someone who was just diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder?
i removed myself and found this website. I'm new here and I just don't know what to do from here....
Thanks for listening
-M
As far as you roommate they’re selfish and honestly not everyone is going to understand your story and that completely okay you don’t need anyone to validate you but you remember that and continue on your path of mental growth
With your boyfriend it’s important for you to be there for him but he has to do the same sometimes the relationship is 80/20 not always 50/50 take time to put yourself first or you’re no good to him and vice versa nothing communication can’t fix and if that doesn’t work cut your loses and focus on you for the better
Love grace, thank you so much for your words. I found them to be empowering and exactly what I needed to read. I have talked to my dad and he doesn’t think anything wrong with him but he’s a master at making me feel guilty too so it’s hard either way and I lose either way. But this is about understanding anyways and I may have realized I need to do it without him holding me back, just like you said, which I really appreciated. I need to focus on my growth and he does hold me back in that sense but my conscious is still like awe dad....