You know when the world seems to be crashing around you in slow motion. It sucks when you can't seem to do anything to stop it. To reverse it. To slow it down. To fix it. When you see your family that doesn't see you. Or when you see people you wish you could save. But turns out you just can't find some of the people that need it most before it's too late. When the ones that seem to have it the best cry themselves to sleep. Or when the laughter is the only thing hilding back their tears. I knew someone like that. He was everything to me. But he threw it away. When the ones you love most don't love themselves enough. The missed calls you assumed were telemarketers. When you realized you were focusing so much on yourself and the things that don't truly matter instead of him. When you are thinking so much about how lost and alone you feel you miss the pain and fear that was in his eyes. His eyes...the ones I didn't see when I neede too but now I can't see them at all. When you think there is nothing you can do...then you realized there were so many things. Things that you miss. When you finally understand that the one time you don't get up to see why it's ringing...the one time it matters. You couldn't have known they say but I should've known. I should've recongnized the specific ringtone he picked...he picked because for some strange reason it reminded him of the beach. Just a simple ring but an important and beutiful one. When you realize too late that telemarketers don't call at a time like that. When you realize that they don't call twice in a row before stopping...they call once. When you can't look people in the eye anymore because you know the truth. You know that something could have been done. Three steps...1...2...3...and there my one was. When you know that you were three steps away yet you layed still waiting for it to stop ringing. When you kow you are waiting for the person to give up...and that is just what happend...indirectly what I wanted. I wanted to sleep my troubles away. When you know that your short sleep created an indefinent one. You know what you did..or in better terms what you failed to do. When you realize you confirmed his false truth that no one cared. When that's all you ever did...when that is all you ever do...when that is all you ever will do. But now he will never know. When you realize that you will live your life knowing you killed him. I did. He needed me and I did nothing. I couldn't have known? Well that is where your wrong. I could have but did I know? No. When you realize you have killed the one you love most. When you are tired but are afraid to sleep. Afraid to let someone else down. Who really gave up the person that did so cause he thought no one cared or the person that proved him right?