Oh yes Lily. I think most of us can.Hugs Sweetie. S PM is on the way.

I think many times, too much time is spent wondering "why?" and pondering the problem instead of seeking the solution.

I prefer to see myself as a success in spite of alcoholism and bipolar disorder instead of seeing myself as a failure because of my alcoholism, mental illness and all the other misfortunes of my life.

Depression tells us we can't do anything, and drains our energy and any hope that we can have the things we want. It immobilizes and isolates us. We need to get into action in spite of the depression. It takes hard work, and usually both therapy and meds. Here for you, Lilly. Calming hugs.

I just wonder if I felt better about myself and more comfortable in my skin if I would have the confidence and the motivation to get out there and make things happen for myself that I want.

I've been trying, it seems like all my life, to make things better, including myself, but I haven't seem to get very far with it as of yet.

There have been some improvements thankfully and I keep working on it everyday to make myself and my life better but it's been such a slow process and I just... I don't know, it's just been so very hard, painful and difficult for me any direction I go.

Yard Eggs, I love that! The way I look at it it's amazing and inspiring to me when people overcome things that are difficult, much more so than when people handle the mundane. Some people go through things others can't even imagine it's so outside of their experience. We shouldn't beat ourselves up when we find the HARD things hard, you know?

I also agree that spending too much pondering the whys of things can drive us crazy. Not that it's not worthwhile to go there, but I've always found it's a good idea to be careful about getting caught up in contemplation.

I think we all like to simplify and categorize things and say "This is the answer, this is the rule I can follow so everything turns out okay for me." Things are SO much more complex and grey than we humans are generally comfortable with.

Can we limit ourselves by the limits of our belief in ourselves? A-B-S-O-L-U-T-L-Y I think. Is it the reason all doors are closed? Not realistically. At 5 foot tall, 43-year-old woman I would have all the belief in my capabilities to be a pro basketball player but that doesn't mean that door will be open to me.

Recently I had to quit I job I loved because it required a lot of driving, and when I am stressed driving becomes of a major trigger for my anxiety and panic attacks. While this may be okay (still sucks) if I'm driving to the grocery store because I can stop as many times as I need to and pull over, I can choose to not start the car until I can get my anxiety below a 5, and so on I can't do those things while driving as a worker for this agency. It doesn't matter what I believe about myself, my body betrays me and I can't help that.

While I can't believe, "oh, I can do this job, no problem" and have that be true, what I can believe is "It says nothing negative about me as a person that I can't do this job right now. It says nothing negative about me as a person that I might never be able to do this job. My sympathetic nervous system gets easily activated-I don't choose panic attacks, they are as involuntary as a sneeze, and I don't beat myself up when I sneeze. I can't do this job now, maybe never be able to, but there are other things I can do that can meet the same needs this job did." And I can believe that, and it can be true.

In short, is it your fault you don't have all things you want? Both yes and no at the same time. We don't choose our talents and tendencies, we don't choose our families, our cultures, our physical characteristics, we don't choose what country we're born into, or whether we're rich or poor, and ALL these things are in a dance of interconnectedness, shifting meaning and importance depending on ever-changing circumstances. Sometimes these parts of our lives are an advantage, sometimes they are meanless, and sometimes they're a disadvantage.

But we always have choices, and that's where we have power and influence. They might be crappy choices, they might be more limited than we'd like, but we never know what kinds of places even crappy choices might take us, because there is something about momentum, something about taking action which often seems to carry us past what we see as our limitations. Yes, we are all limited, but we never know what those limitations really are until we argue with them, and try and push past them. I feel like I'm not making sense........

Radical acceptance is where it's at! One of the most healing concepts I have come a crossed, and for me at least at times one of the most difficult attitudes and beliefs to employ.