Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
My husband told me yesterday that he would help my friend Krista move today. Well, Krista called me this morning and said that she and her dad have done as much as they can but she pulled her back trying to lift her sectional couch and asked if he would come help. I told her that he had said yesterday that he would. So, I went to wake him up and he started griping at me. He said that he would help when he woke up, not when he WAS woke up. I told him that she just needed a little help and that she already had most of it done. I don't feel good today, my back is hurting really bad, and usually when I don't feel good, I tend to cling to him and want to be held. He knows this. I am so extremely in love with him. So, you can imagine my shock when he told me that he has been mad at me for over a year and that the last year of our marriage has been hell for him. I told him that I go out of my way to keep him from getting upset and he said that I could have fooled him. I understand that I have anxiety disorders and I tend to go to extremes with my worry. I am constantly afraid that he is mad at me even when he says he isn't. I constantly ask him if he is mad at me. He understands that it is my anxiety and that I am OCD too. So, why all of a sudden does he tell me this. I started crying and getting upset and he told me to dry it up and get in the house. What have I done wrong? He says that I don't listen to him. Or rather, he says I listen but I don't hear him. I try my best!! But, I am not perfect no matter how hard I try to be!! I just don't know what to do. I am so scared that I will lose him. I love him so much and I cannot live without him. He is my only true love. My children love their Daddy so much. And, we have always got along great!! We rarely ever argue and when we do it is about money problems or a difference in agreement about discipline or something. But, we never have problems like this. He has never made it sound like he was utterly unhappy with me!! What have I done? Have I screwed up our marriage?? I can't handle this... I will die without him. I'm just so depressed and I don't know what to do.... I feel like I just don't deserve anything anymore. I feel like no one loves me and I am just a burden. The only thing I have left is my children and my best friend, Krista. I'm just afraid that I will lose them too because I guess I am just a failure....
Can you sit down and talk to him? Say that you were hurt by what he said but that you are willing to work it out?
I'm here if you want to talk
Just remember that things are said in anger and frustration that aren't meant
xxx
It does sound like there is a serious problem in the marriage. From what you describe, it sounds like your depression is taking away not only yours but his happiness as well. He has let it build up and now it is coming out. He has reached a point where the weight of your issues is more than he chooses to take on. I think he is telling you "I can't do it anymore."
You both need to get to a counselor fast. Your husband may not even know what the problem is (as I see it), but living with a depressed person is very stressful, and difficult. You both need to go to a counselor so that the problem is realized for what it is by both of you. The weight of your depression is not only resting on you, but your husband also, and being the depression doesn't BELONG to him, (it is solely yours), he wants the weight off of him, one way or another.
I personally believe one owns their own depression and the weight of it should only be shared with a professional. Otherwise, the partner has reason to "dislike". You can learn ways to share your life with your husband and not put your "baggage" on his shoulders. Depression robs people of happiness.
You might want to tell your husband that you have recently realized how much happiness he has spent dealing with your condition, and you want to start learning how to deal with it between you and your professional. Tell him what you want from him is the happiness you can give to him and he can give to you and you will try to take your pain and difficulties to your therapist.