Welcome to the DS *nuthut* support group cloudie... Lots of wonderful people here that have either been in the same boat or close to it, or still are. I am one of them.

Depression sucks the big cahooney.... Are you seeing any counselors or on any meds?

I sometimes feel cursed... statistically it doesn't seem possible that so many things can go wrong for someone without anything going right even if just by pure dumb luck, that is how I look at my life... Sometimes I think there is only so much happiness to go around and there are people out there with great lives hogging it all while I will never see a drop of it...

My problem is I don't know how to give up so I keep on trying, even if its something I know won't work because I have tried over ad over again and failed because I don't know how not to try. It seems like the harder I try the worse I make things but I can't not try... The 1st time I really tried to fix my life within a 2 yr period the love of my life cheated on me, dumped me over and over again, tried to move on with someone else that got married while we were together and didn't tell me, because I missed too many days with my 2nd knee surgery I lost my financial aid and had to leave school and my grandfather that was like my dad since I haven't seen mine since I was 5, died of bone cancer.... gave up for a long time and then 2 yrs ago got talked into trying again... had been having health problems but no money or insurance but finally had gone and gotten a clinic card and made my 1st dr app. and 3 weeks later my mom (only 52) dies suddenly, I had no car or money ($40 to my name) and no other family or real friends...and my life has been complete shit ever since... took 18 months for anyone to even guess at how my mom died, my health has gotten worse, can't get any type of help (not even grief counseling), still broke, alone and struggling... every day I ask myself why me or wonder why I can't make it better... I spent 8 hrs on the phone just yesterday trying anything I could think of to get somewhere and have many many days just like yesterday... sometimes I think nothing can work out because I am meant to die and all these bad things are pushing me toward that and by fighting I make more keep happening... truth is I have no idea why me or if they will ever stop or if there is any reason behind any of it or just really bad luck... I just get up and try and figure maybe it will change and if it doesn't then maybe one day I will get up and there will just be something inside me that allows me to stop trying.

I am glad you have joined our group. Many of us here have felt the same way you do and we are here to offer support.

Wow...so much of what you wrote reminds me of myself and how I feel/think a lot of the time. I know it feels horrible to feel this way and most of the time you don't know how to change it. I see you're "medicated", but have you had any therapy or counseling? I have and I can say that it really helps sometimes to have someone who is objective and removed from the situation to talk to. A good therapist should be able to help with a lot of how you're feeling. I might also talk to your Dr. about your medication and see if there is something else you can take or add to help with things. Personally, I have found that it also helps when I blog/post how I'm feeling about things. I certainly hope that we aren't here just to be miserable and I try to have hope that things will get better even though that can be tough to do at times.

I hope that it helps to know that you're not the only one who feels like that this and if you need to talk or vent, you are more than welcome to message me on here:-)

I've been on pristiq for a while now. I have not had any sort of therapy. And to be completely honest, the idea of therapy scares me. Not so much because of what it is, but more of a fear of what I'll say/feel. I buried some stuff pretty far down, I'm not sure I want to go on an excavation. lol.

I completely understand how you feel about therapy. For a long time, I would whitewash how I was feeling and thinking, but I eventually realized that it didn't help if you weren't completely honest with your therapist. They are there to help with your problems and not to judge you. You can dig deeper as you go, so to speak, and work your way towards the more difficult stuff to deal with. After all, trust, which is not one of my strong traits;-), builds up over time and your relationship with your therapist very much has to involve trust. I have to admit that as hard as I try to be completely honest with my therapist, sometimes I still whitewash just the tiniest bit...It's scary laying your thoughts and feelings out there for someone to hear/see, but the benefits can far outweigh anything else. It's also important to pick the right therapist to see. I have finally found one that I can really relate to and I think that relates to me and my problems as well. All in all, I really do recommend talking to someone:-)