Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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KittenPaws 12/18/2017

Hello to whomever is reading this, I am sorry in advance for the long worded thought experience of mine you are about to be witness to.

... Recetly I have been having the philosophy of nihilism come up over and over. Someone telling me I have a nihilistic personality and that I should just kill myself over it. I mean I do agree with most of nihilistic stand points on the meaninglessness and suffering that life entails but I wouldnt say I agree with all of it...

So personally.... I am having an issue that I don't have any values or reason or drive to continue living. The only reason Im here is because I would hurt people if I killed myself. I dont have the will to continue on. I have tried talking to counselors and therapists that didnt help. I talked to my mom about having depression and anxiety today. She said i was perfectly normal and would be 'fixed and happy' if I just grow up, get friends, and a boyfriends. I don't know what to do....

At this point I dont care if I live, but I know people would be sad I died.. and I truly don't care if I have a good future or that it will get better. Id rather not find out; I honestly would just rather be dead. I know with 100% certainty I will never do anything meaningful. I dont know where I see myself. I can't see myself somewhere good.

I dont know who to turn to, who to trust, or how to fix myself. Ive tried. I just end up back at this same old spot... wanting to be dead. I was at the same spot last year and not at one point during this entire past year except for brief moments that almost immeadiatly back fire have I not wished to some degree I had killed myself previously. So ive waited. Ive tried... honestly... what do I have left... am I at the end of things... is this the point its just logical to kill myself... cause I can't figure out anything other then that... Religion doesn't work. Therapy hasnt helped. I refuse to take medication. I am trying the most I can within the means of my life. I am just being a burden to those around me.

Granted I would be missed but whats the point of just living for those around me to not be hurt or miss me... im not a pet or plant... just exisiting in the humans life to give it joy, without any real other purpose....

I try to get myself back together and find purpose... but I always fail. Nothing seems worth living for. nothing seems worth doing or trying to achieve. Most of the time the world would be better off without it. Im just a waste of natural resources.

Does anyone have an answer to why I should live... other then people would miss me or be hurt...... or do people agree that at this point deal might honestly be the best option...............

Sorry I dont know if thats my full thought or if that makes sense at all... Im really not sure how t end this either... so sorry.. bye :#

Evaeh 12/18/2017

I understand these feelings you're having. I have them too. No one is born with a paper that says what our purpose is, if we have one. Personally I believe if you spend your life spreading love and goodness that's a pretty purposeful life id say. If you end it all, you won't get to experience more happy things and spread the love, all will cease. The only thing that will remain are the memories that people carry with them and the extra sadness of loss. Parents aren't always very good at advice. But I assure you that even though your mom said that it would eat her alive if you ended it. It would probably push her over the edge too. When contemplating ending your life you have to prepare yourself for the domino effect that it will have on everyone. This Is the kind of stuff I try to tell myself to keep me from doing the worst.

Onlythelonely 12/18/2017

KittenPaws, Sorry for the pain and darkness you are experiencing. I don't have answers to everything you are going through. But I can share some things with you that have helped me. Have you read The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. That might help. Also, have you heard of Ravi Zaccharias. He is from India, now lives in USA. He tried to commit suicide as a teen ager but now he is a speaker and author. He has written numerous books including Cries of the Heart. You can find him on YouTube also. I recently heard about this book also: Grace Amateurs by Lily Burana. I know you said you have tried everything and nothing works. But I believe you are still living for a reason. You just haven't found it yet. Have you tried volunteering or doing work that helps others? I know that always helps me. Saying a prayer for you that you find meaning, hope, purpose and a reason to live.

veggiequeen 12/18/2017

Even though we may not know it for a long time, I believe we all have a reason to be here. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family. For a long time I felt responsible for all that was wrong and tried desperately to "fix' things.

Due to different circumstances I would wind up in several different bouts of counseling...each would help me to further understand things. I would also work with them to find a medication that did help me to feel better. (I understand not wanting to be overmedicated, but they will work with you to find a dose and specific one tailored to take the edge off....and help you to be able to actually function again.....minus the dark looming haze that does overwhelm us at times)

My hope would be that you may continue to reach out and eventually realize you would not be here if there were no reason (I still wonder of my own purpose, but have found that sometimes it may be as simple as reaching out, sharing our stories and helping others through their struggles to go a bit farther on their own journeys toward a healthier, happier existence.)

If you had a severe heart defect, would you refuse to try a simple pill because you did not want to be overmedicated....or a test subject? Why then would you not want to try a simple pill that could help balance things out so you could better cope?

RJW 12/18/2017

Thank you for sharing. While I don't judge, the philosophy of nihilism is kind of an oxymoron. To make a philosophy, that requires purpose. Purpose requires meaning. Meaning would disprove the lack of meaning of everything in nihilism. Sometimes it is easier to give in to the lies of Depression, then fight them. You have great meaning. Love has meaning and you admit that you not being around would hurt the ones that love you. Love can't exist in a meaningless existence. You love them. That is very meaningful. Depression lies to us. It tells us we are meaningless pathetic losers. It can be easy to think that Depression is right, but what good was Depression ever done. That proves that it is all lies. You are very meaningful. Just by being on here, you have helped many, including me. Love is a wonderful purpose. Sharing it and helping others is extremely meaningful. That love that keeps you going on, means that you are around to help others like you. Faith isn't necessarily Religion. Religion is organized, and yes sadly some have been corrupted in want of power and control. Faith is a completely personal and One on one. That Faith can impact others and remove the corruption. That has great purpose. Sorry if that was too much. Just to say that you are very important and meaningful, and thank you for that.

KittenPaws 12/19/2017

Thank you all for your kind words and suggestions, I'm taking them all to heart and considering what I should do to the best of my ability. So thank you all again so very much :)

Onlythelonely 12/19/2017

KittenPaws, I just came across this lady's story today - Lacey Sturm. She was a member of a hard rock band who recovered from depression. Please look her up.

dc87110 12/20/2017

I have found that helping someone without any expectations
On my part seems to make me feel better about myself. I have to tell myself many times that i am not my thoughts nor am i my feelings. Believe it or not a lot if us understand what its like.

Flashreturns 12/20/2017

Finding meaning in life is hard. That needs to be acknowledged. Start small-this might sound ludicrous but have you thought of getting a dog or volunteering. Doing what you have always done is not the way forward. Try something very new.
We sometimes look for a big idea to change us but often we need small steps.

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