I really feel foe you. You are in a tough spot. With this economy alot of people are being screwed. Losing jobs, early retirement and losing retirements. This doesn't help someone suffering from Depression. Is he the oldest child in his family? That may be why he thinks he has to worry about everyone.
Have you really discussed with him the issue of him being depressed? Hopefully he has seen the progress you have made over the years and knows that he doesn't hae to live like this. Do you think he would listen to his family? Maybe if all of you got together and showed him that you all support him? I hope that everything works out for you, I know it is hard to watch someone you love suffer.

interestingly he is actually the youngest of two. But the feeling like he has to worry about everyone is a family trate (sp?) His brother and dad are like it too! His aunt died when he was about 12 and even though he wasnt that close he took it hard and became very angry. He had troubles at school with bullying (like most people) and he has also had to deal with being deaf in one ear all his life. He says he is ok with that but he isnt! I think all of this put together already makes him have a low self esteem so this doesnt help.

I have only spoken to him about it tonight over the phone. I didnt really spot the signs until he told me what personel said to him today. I have known he was down (the other day when he saw his nan he actually cried in front of me for the first time and its been 4 years!). But I know now so thats what is important. I think what you say about my progress will really help him. He didnt know me when I was at my worst so maybe I should tell him more and then say how far I have come?

I'm not sure about his family. I am not sure how I would approach it with them. They all baby him and just think he is being grumpy or lazy and that he will get over it. How many times have I heard that line!!!! His brother should know better as he has had a breakdown from depression but thats what they are like with him. My family are more likely to see it (in fact i was talking to my mum and she can) as they have been through it all with me. But he wont feel comfortable with my family talking to him about it.

WIth regards to showing him this thread, he would kill me (so to speak) if he knew I had posted it. He likes to keep things to himself and gets embarresed sharring them. He thinks it is better to just forget them. We all know thats not the case, its just convincing him that its not and getting him to talk to me or a therapist!

p.s. sorry about the long post! :-)

I hope this helps, get him to go to a clinical social worker /Marriage and family couselor with you. Tell him it will be to work on your relationship. When you two get there casually bring up the depression. He / she can refer him to a psychologist it will be on record he has depression. He must see a doctor soon so his work can be advised he is ill. they can't fire him for mental illness. I know how embarassed he must feel but he has to ask for help for himself. Plead with him and tell him you don't want it to affect your relationship. I sincerely hope he gets the help he needs.

By the way, i was a cop for twenty years and if a cop can ask for help with emotional issues anybody can. i would be glad to speak to him about coming forward if he would agree to it.
Tom