Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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DepressedRecluse 07/30/2012

Sun.7/29 - SO?!...well I only have two days left in this month and then 14 days till that fateful day in August when I begin another year of ME ....and there is absolutely no way I can get my life in order in 16 days...but I guess I can try. I guess I got to try to take it one day at a time. Yesterday I posted that my life is a mess...and it is...but you know what I found out...it just keeps going...apparently life/time doesn't stop for no one and no reason...I've been in this emotional death for almost 4 months...and those days have just kept right on rolling along...I'm just wasting them...day in and day out I do nothing...You know what I do...I sit around and dream...I dream about how I want to do this and I want to do that but I don't do anything...I make plans, I figure out how to put them into action with my very limited resources...and then I just go on to make other plans...I don't carry anyhthing out! Why ? Why do I do this crap? UGH...like this...here I am sitting at my computer at 1:20 in the morning writing this crap and wondering why I just wasted another day in my life...well I didn't waste my whole day...but I didn't do everything that Ishould have done either...I was up until 2am planning and writing out my Sunday...Church in the morning, Lunch, then some much studying, then some downtime...what did I do?...Well, I went to Church, that was good...but then I came home, wasted time on Facebook, watched a stupid movie, and then I went to sleep! went to sleep until about 7o'clock in the evening! SHIT! my alarm is set for 8pm to remind me to go to bed for the night! what am I doing taking a nap until an hour before I am supposed to go to bed...now...well now here I am at 1:20 in the morning trying to figure out why my life is such a fucking mess...I am so pissed... pissed at myself...for just wasting away my life by my own choice...DAMN! I need to make a plan and put it into motion! Why? Why can't I do that...it's not that hard!...I just need to do it...ok lets see: my house is a mess, my health is a mess, my finances are a mess, my career is a mess, and my family is a mess....FUCK IT: my LIFE IS A MESS!!!...So I guess I'll start there: MY HOUSE-is only a three room house, the smallest thing available yet it a complete mess and looks like a bomb exploded in here...so I guess I'll start there...I need to clean/organize my house...that doesn't take no money...just a little no a lot of elbow grease and hard work...so I am going to try to do that tomorrow...later today, when I get up...and I am going to get up at a decent hour!...my son has to be up at 7:15 so I better be up by seven...then maybe I can just clean the kitchen...then the bathroom, and then I just have to worry about the front room...where everything else is...OK...thats it...I'm going to write this out on my weekly planner and get this crap done...starting with cleaning my house!!! UGH...I better go to bed so I can get up and clean this house...good night DS. ...oh sorry but before I want to remind myself that I also need to complete that goal down there "cmplt 3 tasks today" whatever they are...I need to complete that goal so I can move on to other things...I also need to update the other goal: to Be a Happy Person...and I also need to prepare for my Step Study Meeting tomorrow night...one of the few things I look forward too!. OK for real now, I'm going to bed.

WuWei 07/30/2012

Just so you don't feel lonely:

I drove with an expired registration on my vehicle for 6 months (when I drove, that is - which was basically when I ran completely out of food) - I did this, though the office for registration was less than half a mile and I had the money for it.

I pay late fees on bills, that I've made out, but can't seem to get walked down the sidewalk to the mailbox

I've said for AT LEAST a month I was going to wipe out my refrigerator.

I get creative, all right, like a can of spinach for supper, eaten from the can with a spoon............... or how about crackers with mustard.... because I can't seem to actually complete the act of getting dressed and driving to the store. There are people there, breathing people, who see me, and worse, they might smile, and speak to me! When my dog runs out of food, though, I will eventually go. Before that, a can of beets, even, will make a meal.

I started a afghan for a Christmas gift........ two years ago.

I have refereed to these as my "lost years" an attempt at humor when anyone in my family asks me "so, what are you doing now? do you have a job?" and I'd rather be flippant than scream at them.

Feeling better? *silly grin*

You aren't alone, and stop being p.o'd at yourself. Goals like "Be a Happy Person" welllllll, THAT one sure sets you up for failure. Let's make it "Spend 5 minutes washing dishes" and stop after the 5 minutes. There. You can do that, and then that's a SUCCESS. Stop being so hard on yourself. You are piling too much on your plate at a time, so STOP IT!! lol

So, here you are. Reading this, fingers on the keyboard. Open a doc and just start making a huge list of everything you want to do. No "Fix my Life" ones, either. Don't cheat, and make them 5 - 15 minutes tasks - NO LONGER. Don't think about all you DON'T get done. "organize my house" geeez, woman. No wonder you make yourself sad. Stop it! "Organize kitchen drawer by stove" "Organize corner of dining room where plant stand is" ..... get it?
Doesn't matter how long the list is. The point is making it manageable for YOU, and you're unique timetable. Screw it if it doesn't match everyone else's. That's OKAY!

Am I making sense? You are being too hard on yourself, and expecting too much, with stuff like "Get My Life In Order by August 16th." Let's just try to be better today than we were yesterday and the rest will follow on it's own. Now, turn around twice, clap your hands, and repeat three times "I will not be so hard on myself" then do it! You march to the beat of a different drummer: one called depression. You can get it done. You just live by a different timetable. and that's O.K.

:)

ZAZAS 07/30/2012

I like WuWei suggestions. I was like you are right now. I had to start with baby steps and do one thing at a time around people who wanted it all done yesterday. I stayed my course though. It has helped. I still do that when I fill overwhelmed. Take your time, get you little successes and before you know it, you will be doing a lot more. Then worry about your life plan. Today you are just trying to make it.

deleted_user 07/30/2012

Wuwei, I am saving your post. So true, and so well written in terms of compassion and specific examples.

DepressedRecluse, you sound like me in terms of lofty goal setting. Those big goals do not work well for people in general, and they certainly can backfire when it comes to depressives.

Okay, so on to putting that post into practice.

meandthebeast 07/30/2012

I especially liked what WuWei said... I too am going to copy and print... that makes a lot of sense and was very well written..

deleted_user 07/30/2012

Hello! I read your post. You sound a lot like me a year ago. I went to my school therapist, and she said it sounded like my OCD and lack in time management in planning was inhibiting me from actually following through with the plan because I then became obsessive with making sure the plan was sound proof before I actually tried to do it. By the end of the day I accomplished little to nothing and felt similar to the way you do. Coming from someone that was in a similar situation, I have to suggest don't plan...just do. I realize its harder said than done, but push the urge to plan the day out, and just go with the flow. I know that they say planning is good, but in this situation its actually harmful. If you ever need someone to talk to, please friend me, and message me anytime you want. Hugs!

Juice 07/30/2012

Your post wasn't meant to make me smile, but it has. So did many of the replies. I'm still working on getting my shit together, and some days I'm better at it than others. I've now got a book that I write stuff I HAVE to do in and most days I can tick something off. However, I still have some bags I started sewing to raise money for charity 2 years ago languishing in my cupboard ...........

gramybear 07/30/2012

Did that feel good? It sounded like a wonderful vent and rant that you needed to get out for some time. I don't know why but later in the evening I start to feel better, and I start making plans for the next day. I know better then this because I have Fibromyalgia, depression, and chronic pain. Nothing is promised to me, not even one day. But it feels so good to think I can do something the next day and it doesn't happen. I didn't take a nap like you did but I just couldn't get myself to go to sleep. I almost got on DS but then I knew for sure I would never try to go back to sleep. I turned the TV back off and had a few nightmares, then woke up at 7:30 and felt like crap. anxiety, chronic pain, dizziness, my Fibro, and Myofascial pain. So, another day down the crapper. I like your idea of having a book with goals in it and glad you are sticking to a reasonable amount. I always put way too many things to do and end up paying for it. Just a tip if you want to take it. I start cleaning the rooms I hate the most and then do the ones I don't mind! That way I don't have to think about the ones I hate! I hope you got some sleep!

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