Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I am trying to be regretful and bitter about someone who I loved. He was at base a loving and caring guy, a sweet guy. I broke up with him because of a flaw I felt he had. I didn't mind that he smoked pot, but he seemed not to care if it put me at risk...ie...blunt in my vehicle, being real obvious in public. I could have lost my career, home, etc the rate we got stopped in traffic, etc.
The positive part was the care I felt from him, the resonance and things we had in common, his willingness to accept me even with mental illness and a kind spirit. I just didn't trust him enough that he wouldn't wind me in jail. He wanted to talk it through, but given the surrounding cirumstances...he used to deal drugs, had an ex who died of intravenous use...I didn't know the extent of what I was dealing with, so I just cut loose.
Long story shorter...years past...I in my forties have not found the love I need to make it work..he turned out alright...he got his crap together...went to school, and married someone...just like me!!
It kills me. it really does. She looks like me, same career area. Bizarre. I did acting and directing in college then gave it up because I wasnt' sure Icould make it. Apparently, she did, and has a good career and they are in LA now. And, I gave it up to be in a career that is not working for me. He was probably a lot more mature by the time that they met and I couldn't be happier for him, he seems so happy.
But, where did I go wrong? Despite our problems, we were like two souls in one pod. I never felt that again. I am really upset. Maybe he had more love and acceptance in him than I did. Maybe it is just going to take me longer to get my relationship stuff together, like it took him longer to get his work and goal stuff together.
I can't help but be bitter, not for them, but for myself, like did I make the wrong choice? Was I too hard on him? Obviously she saw the good in him too. I was too afraid to stay with him. When I broke up, I knew I was throwing away a lot of potential. I have not been able to replace him. He was willing to work it out..I just didn't trust the drug history, thinking this could be our future: jail, unemployment. I just didn't know.
I ended up dating really responsible and ambitious guys who conversely had no heart. He did. Those subsequent relationships didnt' last. Are my values backwards? I would like another chance. He got one.
The positive part was the care I felt from him, the resonance and things we had in common, his willingness to accept me even with mental illness and a kind spirit. I just didn't trust him enough that he wouldn't wind me in jail. He wanted to talk it through, but given the surrounding cirumstances...he used to deal drugs, had an ex who died of intravenous use...I didn't know the extent of what I was dealing with, so I just cut loose.
Long story shorter...years past...I in my forties have not found the love I need to make it work..he turned out alright...he got his crap together...went to school, and married someone...just like me!!
It kills me. it really does. She looks like me, same career area. Bizarre. I did acting and directing in college then gave it up because I wasnt' sure Icould make it. Apparently, she did, and has a good career and they are in LA now. And, I gave it up to be in a career that is not working for me. He was probably a lot more mature by the time that they met and I couldn't be happier for him, he seems so happy.
But, where did I go wrong? Despite our problems, we were like two souls in one pod. I never felt that again. I am really upset. Maybe he had more love and acceptance in him than I did. Maybe it is just going to take me longer to get my relationship stuff together, like it took him longer to get his work and goal stuff together.
I can't help but be bitter, not for them, but for myself, like did I make the wrong choice? Was I too hard on him? Obviously she saw the good in him too. I was too afraid to stay with him. When I broke up, I knew I was throwing away a lot of potential. I have not been able to replace him. He was willing to work it out..I just didn't trust the drug history, thinking this could be our future: jail, unemployment. I just didn't know.
I ended up dating really responsible and ambitious guys who conversely had no heart. He did. Those subsequent relationships didnt' last. Are my values backwards? I would like another chance. He got one.
fortaleza
I think that, even though it's often inevitable to wander into "what if" territory when it comes to past relationships (and, well, the past in general), that territory will always be barren, so it's pointless to spend too much time there. Could he have been the right choice? Could it have worked out? Could the both of you have been stopped in a car while carrying his full stash in the glove compartment? Going down this lane isn't simply useless because you can't go back in time, but because it's impossible for you to know all the variables that could have made things different. How can you know that the only reason he eventually got his act together was because of the impact of breaking up with you, or because of some trait in the person he's now with? How can you know that he would have had the exact same turnaround if you two had stayed together? If there's one thing we can all learn from movies about time travel, is that eventually it always makes things worse. Our puny human brains simply can't make the calculations necessary to consider all the ways in which things "could have been different". But I'd say that our puny human brains are more than powerful enough to learn from the things that we've went through, good and bad, and apply them in our future, rather than our past.
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