I dont have the answers, but I am sending you a warm hug. what about giving boyfriend a treat? He needs to know you appreciate him even if he doesnt have all the answers. Please dont cut yourself if you can stop. Would you cut a cat or dog-you are worth more than that. Maybe a DVD he would like and his fave takeaways?

I think that you need to get to the root of the problem, why do you want to hurt yourself? pills may not be the answer for you. therapy first I say. there's a reason why from your past that you want to hurt yourself, you need to address that in therapy. also your boyfriend is probably doing all he can to make you happy. you got to want to change, you gotta want to be happy. please put off cutting and taking anything and c how u feel clear minded. also try another psych ward.

Lol! I agree lots of people are idiots hang in there. (Hugs)

Dear Cakeasaurus,

What IS your favorite cake?

I am the last person who should give advice. But I need treatments head to toe - burned 60+ nerves, too many shots to count. I was a wild child and knew better. So I was knocked down to where I had nothing to do but figure it out. I could not find a 'Christian' couselor of any kind in Seattle. I know I just lost a lot of people but, if you are blessed in the way that I was, ... read on

I promise the Holy Spirit is leading me because I just lost my backpack with all me meds (pain-2 kinds, methocarbomal, gabapentin) and am in Arizona out of state. I typed in the I was PISSSSSSSSSSED and found a link to this site. Funny, just the right amound of esses.

After watching....... Les Feldick Thru the Bible. I was a completly changed person.
Les is a hick OK rancher who did a 8-9 year 'walk' thru the Bible and never ever asked people for a dime. The audience gave anyway to keep it going and it is all over the world now. They did it all from their home for years and took calls all day and night.

Anyway, if you are lucky enough to have had your heart opened (very important, look up Lydia, the purple lady in Bible for good example) this may be the most important thing you ever do.

I put some real effort into that 30 minutes show as I watch more and more, stopping and rewinding and really trying to get it. Well I finally did. And had a conversation with my pastor about baptism. I said, I don't think you can say after baptism, "We welcome you into the body of Christ". Only God can do that. And he said, "Well what should we say?". And I tried to say "We members of the Body of Christ welcome you into our community, where we will help you learn until you can profess your own faith. I had to quit the church because they weren't teaching my kids the right and accurate things. I did. That is MY MOST IMPORTANT JOB IN THE WHOLE WORLD. To pass the faith and word on to my kids period.

Anyway, now whenever I have a problem, like now, I am SOOOOO BENT about losing my backpack and being way over emotional about it!! aaAQAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH.

The only way to calm down is to read The Bible. It beats ANY psychologist and especially all the Godless psychiatrists.

There you go. just from me typing I am sOOOO PI.......

I should be trying to get my meds somehow. But something grabbed me and dragged me in here.

I am sorry if I offended anyone. This was meant to be very sincere. Good luck.

I hope you stop cutting. I am going goofy that you have pills and want to die. Please, please, please talk with someone in the medical field. These feelings and thought need to be discussed.
I can't help you out with answers for your boyfriend's and your relationship; sorry.
I still think that it's a good thing you post. Just take a look at the support here. So many are in your corner. The professionals could answer many questions that you're now asking yourself.
Keep reaching out here and outside of the box, please. For now I wish you hope. Don't cut is what everyone wants for you. Think about what all of us are saying?

I love you.

hugs

You're going to have to help yourself. there is nobody going to save you.

This is what we all come to in the end, realising that we have to help ourselves. That we can't just act out and hope someone will see. Nobody sees.

Nobody will ever see.

Stop expecting them to see. Stop hoping they will see. This is romanticism. It's not realistic.

I'm sorry but you just have to bite the bullet. If you want to live, you're going to have to climb up and make the choices that cause you to live. You're going to have to get off the fence.

I'm so sorry that you feel so alone. Your boyfriend probably doesn't know what to do. You have to remember that it's not easy being someone's sole source of love and comfort, especially when that person is suffering the way you are. Your boyfriend is probably exhausted and lost as to how to help you. He probably needs some time to recharge. Let him. That's something I've learned in my own relationship with my husband. I may be the one with depression, but both of us are suffering because of it. It's not my fault I have depression, but it's not his fault either. And he needs to take care of himself so he can be there for me. Is it possible for you to go to therapy? If so, I strongly recommend it. If you can find someone you really like, then you have someone who will listen to you and be there for you without judgement. I still lean on my husband a lot, but he's no longer my sole emotional support system. And do you have other family members or friends you trust that you could call when you feel like this and the boyfriend is tapped out? It was so hard for me to reach out to others, I felt like a burden and like no one cared about me, but they do. Other people do care and want to help you. This thread is full of people who do not even know you personally, but still care very much. You may be surprised how many people you have in the real world that love you. If you can't think of anyone, maybe try calling a crisis hotline next time you are alone and thinking of self harm or suicide. Sometimes it's even better to have a stranger that you never have to see again help you.

I'll be thinking of you today and hoping that things will get better for you.

Hold on tight. Big Hugs. Keep trying to get in. Sorry you are going through this awful time. Here for you anytime.

Wonderful advice @mutate9602

A boyfriend is supposed to be firstly a friend and if he's not a friend to you then you should probably stay away. Maybe it is hard for him to be around you because he doesn't know what to do or say. Then you should both stop expecting something of each other that's not going to happen. I want to see you in safe relationships where you can express your pain - and please no more self-harm. The cutting goes nowhere good. You want to be alone but you don't - I know what that's like. But I promise you, you need people, just the right kind. Ones that are healthy and supportive. Do what you can to find a therapist that can talk these things out with you. That will do more than any med can do. Focus on the Family has a free consultation line with a counselor and they can refer you to someone in your area. (855) 382-5433. I called once in a really dark moment and the person on the other end was really truly kind when I needed it most. Praying for you...